The Devil on Her Shoulder (gxg)

Part 34- Time to Live

6 months later 

It had now been a year and three months since Mila passed away. I was a junior in college, starting my second term- without her. 

Now that everything was said and done, we knew what happened to Mila for the most part, there was an emptiness that I felt inside that was unexplainable. 

I assume that is the kind of emptiness that comes with losing your best friend. 

I know Mila wasn't the best person in the world- of course I do. But she was my best friend- and the thought of facing my whole life without her was extremely daunting still. 

I kept to myself mostly during this new school year. I went my classes and was actually doing well in them because I wasn't going out or getting distracted. Living with Serena and her sister was fine- they still invited me to go do things with them- but didn't get angry when I said no thank you. 

The one welcome distraction was of course, Daisy. 

Daisy was an immense help to me- she was my rock, as she always has been. At the beginning of the school year, I started going through phases of feeling like an awful person- even though I killed an awful person. 

I felt an immense guilt about shooting Candace. While in my mind I knew it was what I had to do to survive- I couldn't' help but to think- 

I ended a life. 

She ended my best friend's life though. And took my other best friend away from me. 

Nicki. 

She was often on my mind as well. 

What the fuck were you thinking, Nic?

I would express to Daisy that I wanted answers from her. I wanted to speak to her and just simply know why. I needed that closure- well, as much closure as I could get from her. 

Daisy and I were out to dinner when she caught me in a daze, thinking about it.

"I think you should go see her in person." 

I snapped out of trance and looked at Daisy. "What?" 

"Nicki. I think you should go see her. You might get some of the answers you are looking for and deserve to know." 

"Will you go with me?" I asked Daisy. 

I now had a car on campus, but I didn't want to go myself. 

"Of course, I will." Daisy reassured me, "I'll sit with you if you want me too as well." 

I knew which prison Nicki was in- it was one in upstate New York, which was hours away. 

Two weekends later, Daisy and I made our way up. My mom's sister, my Aunt Colleen, lives about an hour from the prison- so Daisy and I were going to stay with her overnight. 

"What if she refuses to see me and we came all this way for nothing?" I looked at Daisy. 

"Then we say we tried." Daisy said, "And that is all we can do." 

It was jarring- going inside the prison. It was loud. Cold. Unwelcoming. 

Nicki, you didn't have to do this. You didn't have to be here. 

We went up to the desk where visitors could sign in. We had looked up visiting hours for the prison and came during the time they were. 

Daisy squeezed my hand as we walked up and the woman behind the desk said, "Hello. Who are you here to see?"