Still You

CHAPTER 28

LAST CHAPTER

Parang nabawasan ang bigat na nararamdaman ko nang ikuwento ko kina mommy at daddy  ang dahilan ng pakikipaghiwalay ko kay Sean noon. They are shocked after they know that I almost lost my scholarship in college because of Allea's immaturity. I feel guilty seeing how my parents reacted to what I just told to them. They felt bad and sad dahil sa paghaharap ko sa problema ko no'ng college ng mag-isa. They really thought I was always okay, and so, they put their faith that everything went well since I never shared anything to them. I wanted them to worry less about me. I don't want to be a burden to them that's why I worked hard. Hindi ko lang talaga kayang kimkimin pa ang lahat. I really thought it would be good that they know that thing since they deserve to know it.  Alam kong curious sila, especially to as to why Sean and I  separated before but they never asked me a question. They respected me and my decision for not telling them. And now, I already told them. Feeling ko handa na rin naman ako para sabihin iyon sa kanila.

Ramdam na ramdam ko na parang nabawasan ng isang dosenang alalahanin ang puso ko dahil sa pagkukuwento ko sa magulang, pero there's still a heavy feeling in my heart that I couldn't understand. I don't know if it's feeling of regret or what.

I was lying on my Queen-size bed here in my apartment in Seoul. I was looking at the ceiling, trying to figure out kung tama ba ang naging desisyon ko. One hour has passed since I arrived at my house. Pagod ako pero pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako makakatulog buong magdamag.

Hindi ako nakinig Kay Samantha. Hindi ko kinausap si Sean. Umalis akong mas pinili na hindi makita maski ang anino niya. If he still wants me at tama ang sinabi ni Samantha na mahal ako ni Sean, bakit hindi niya ako pinuntahan? Alam niya na ang totoong kuwento, it's his choice if he still wants to pursue me.

Nagulat ako nang tumunog ang phone ko. I picked it up at kumunot ang noo ko nang makita kung sino ang tumatawag.

A call from the Philippines, and it's Ian Perez!

Hinayaan kong tumunog ang phone ko hanggang sa kusa na lamang tumigil ang tumatawag. He called twice but I didn't answered it. Wala akong balak na sagutin ang tawag ng sinungaling na iyon. I know it's wrong to label him that way, but I hated the fact that he lied to me about his profession. Besides, hindi ko naman siya type.

Hours had passed at hindi pa rin ako dinadalaw ng antok. I tried to call my friends, but none of them seems available to listen to me, since they're ready to rest na. Maski si Ylle ay saglit ko lang nakausap dahil kailangan niyang magising ng maaga bukas.

I sighed. Napaupo ako sa kama at hinawi paitaas ang magulo at sabog kong buhok sa mukha. I looked at the stand clock and it's already 10:00 pm. Korea is one hour ahead in the Philippines and it's already a time na rin pala talaga ng pagpapahinga.

I decided to go to the kitchen and drink a milk. My mind is clouded and preoccupied of thoughts about Sean. Dala ang baso ng gatas ay naupo ako sa sofa sa mini living room ng apartment ko. I opened the TV and decided to watch anything I could find interesting. Luckily, after an hour, nakaramdam din ako ng antok.

Nagising ako nang makaramdam ng lamig at  hapdi ng sikmura. Saka ko na lamang naalala na kagabi pa pala ako walang kain. As I looked at the clock, I figured out na alas nuebe na pala ng umaga. I decided to cook my breakfast first, before I opened the window curtains. I looked out of the window and I saw the white blanket covering the land. Everything disappears, hiding under piles and piles of white frozen water.

Napasinghap ako. Simula na pala ng winter season. People says that winter is the most wonderful season and it's their favorite season  of the year but it's not for me. It's the saddest season for me 'cause I would have to deal with the cold nights alone.