The Birch's Petals

Thirty Two

JANE'S fingertips traced small patterns on Zedina's arm, the two lay in each other's hold exhausted. Zedina's eyelids fluttered close as she drew in short soft breaths, she could still feel Jane's heart racing, it caused a warm feeling to rush through her body.

Having spent the past hour exploring each other, with heavy groans, grunts, and moans echoing in the room. Jane bit her lower lip, a small smile growing on her face. Her eyes were trained on Zedina, watching as her chest rose and fell gently, raising her fingers she tucked her hair behind her ear causing the other girl to inhale sharply and snuggle closer.

Jane reached over and kissed her forehead, raising her head she looked towards the open window and took notice of how dark it had gotten. She sighed softly and laid back down, Jane couldn't help but fall for the girl more, she was aware of how screwed she was if it had ever been a one-sided affection, but that didn't seem to stop her from feeling so deeply. She was falling head first without any gear protecting her.

She knew Zedina was different, and she'd wait for her even if the chances were stacked against them and she still had much to learn about herself. She wanted to introduce Zedina to her sister during the short break before the second semester.

Thoughts race through her head. Zedina was desperate to tell Jane about Alicia, but she couldn't. She held back for fear of tearing them apart, and she was growing fond of Jane. She considered all of the possible outcomes of telling Jane. One, Jane would forgive her and she could talk to Alicia about it. If such a thing was even feasible. Two, Jane would abandon her. This hit her hard since she had grown so accustomed to the girl that she didn't believe it was possible to be without her. Platonically or romantically.

Jane had a kind heart, three, she ends up losing Alicia, Jane, and Samantha because she was indecisive. It all seemed like digging into a deep pit with no hope of ever coming out of it. However, above all, she knew she had to be honest no matter the outcome. Jane deserved that at least. She just prayed she wouldn't lose her.

Gulping harshly, she slowly pulled out of Jane's hold and reclined on the pillows, she took a deep breath and exhaled. "Are you alright Zee?" Jane asked concern written all over her expression. She sat up beside her and pulled the sheets over them. Zedina barely nodded before opening her eyes, she stared deep into Jane's black orbs; she could see worry behind her eyes, a sharp pain struck her chest when she thought of how much she would be hurting Jane.

For a second she almost held back, but she took a deep breath and bit her lip. "I know you have wanted us to talk, but can we please put our clothes back on."

"Sure." Jane nodded looking calm, but on the inside, she felt every organ churning and misplacing itself. What she had been dreading, thoughts run through her mind. 'Is she breaking up with me? We're not even dating. Does she not want me anymore?'

Her heart raced, and she felt saliva fill her mouth causing her to gulp visibly. She got off the bed and picked up their scattered garments, she handed Zedina hers and shakily started putting on her jeans. She could feel her eyes stinging with tears threatening to fall. She couldn't handle it if Zedina was ending things with her.

She run her hand through her short hair, let out a deep sigh, and sat back down. The two of them could almost feel the choking air cloud over them. "Are we okay?" The tiny shake in Jane's voice didn't go unnoticed by Zedina who quickly took her right hand and squeezed it gently.

Jane swallowed heavily and closed her eyes, "We are." Zedina managed a tiny nervous smile. "I hope we'll be after this." She mumbled letting Jane's hand go.

"A-are you breaking up with me?" Jane's voice was soft, vulnerable and it pained Zedina to hear her sound so weak. Jane opened her eyes and stared at Zedina with so much pain glistening in her eyes. 'I really can't take this.' She thought while gazing deeply into Zedina's brown orbs which looked at her back with equal pain.

"No, please listen to me. It's not that." Zedina took a deep breath and bit her bottom lip. Jane looked away from the action, it wasn't time to fantasize about how sexy Zedina looked biting her lip.

"Okay, remember the party during the weekend?"

"Vaguely, but go on," Jane said, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The conversation was taking a different path than she expected, and she visibly calmed down. Her shoulders rolled back, she could feel the stiffness in her back go away. She thought back to the part and the only thing she remembered stuck to her mind was how they never talked for days after it.

"Well, something happened there." Jane waited patiently, she didn't want to say anything and ruin her train of thoughts or make her not say anything. Zedina bit her tongue and then clenched her jaw, 'this is it.' She said to herself.

"I kissed Alicia at the party." She bit the neck with her words spilling fast, Jane stiffened, and her heart stopped beating for a moment. She stared, frozen, at Zedina and watched as the girl squirmed trying to get attention from her. Zedina's heart thundered, she could feel it loudly beat in her ears, her palms felt wet with sweat as she waited for Jane to react in any way and not blankly stare at her. It made her start picking on her pajama shirt.

"Why?" Jane asked after an uncomfortable and unnerving silence, her voice sounded far like she was contemplating a lot in her thoughts. Zedina gulped, "Uh, I would say it was the dare but honestly I would be lying." She breathed out causing Jane to sharply inhale and closed her eyes.

"D-do you have feelings for her?" Jane asked, again after staring blankly at Zedina like she already knew the answer but needed the ebony-haired girl to say it out loud. Zedina clenched her jaw and released a short heavy breath.

"I think I do. Even if it's a little, I don't really know how much. But, I know, I knew I wanted to do it. I'm so sorry Jane, I can't lie to you." She exhaled deeply, feeling the burning in her teary eyes increase. Jane's eyelids batted fast, she was trying to keep her tears in. She felt so betrayed, it was impossible to imagine. She expected that from Samantha and her but not her best friend. And to hear that Zedina was sound and in fact, wanted and initiated the kiss? That tore her to shreds.

It didn't take long to hear her sniffles, "Oh, God!" She breathed out painfully suddenly feeling as though a weight had been dumped on her heart. Zedina sat so afraid of reaching out to hold her, she felt like she didn't deserve that at all, after all she had caused Jane that pain.

Jane sniffled back, she wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve and dabbed her teary eyes. Zedina stared into her red eyes and wished she could undo it all, but she couldn't. It was now in the open, she wanted Jane to lash out, insult her, slap her even, but none of that came. She just sat staring at her broken self and saw the monster she was becoming.

Jane's lips trembled, she swallowed and took a deep breath. "I don't know what to say." She sighed.

"If I could take it all back, I would Jenny. But, I can't and I could not lie to you. You mean a lot to me." Zedina sighed lowly. Jane's head whipped towards her, she glared at Zedina and then rolled her eyes.

"Mean a lot to you? If I did mean anything you wouldn't have done that.!" Jane exclaimed throwing her hands in the air, Zedina flinched and shut her eyes. She opened them when she took a deep breath, Jane was allowed her anger.

"I know my apologies mean nothing, but I'm truly sorry Jane. I really like you, that much I know. My feelings for you are not changing anytime soon, what I did was incredibly shameful and wrong and I can't apologise enough. But, I hope you can forgive me, even if it isn't today. I want to see where us would go and I want to be with you." Zedina pleaded as hot tears made their way down her cheeks, she could see it in her eyes. It might have been the end for them.

"I- I think we need space to figure things out." Jane sighed dejectedly.

Author's Note

Hey Luvs, I didn't forget that I need to update :) Two more coming up.