The Birch's Petals

Fifty Eight

ZEDINA FOUND Samantha in her tub with her head lowered bleeding profusely through her nose, a pool of her vomit was just inches from the tub. She scrunched her nose at the stench filling the whole house, it seemed as though Samantha had left the house untidy and dirty for weeks. It reeked of alcohol, vomit, and blood.

"Zee," Samantha whispered, her voice sounded so dry it scared Zedina.

"Oh, Sam. What have you done?" Zedina shook her head disappointedly, she leaned down and grabbed her arm to help her out of the tub. She led them out of her bathroom and to her room, "Sit down." She instructed.

Sighing, she made Samantha lean forward and pinched her nose, "Now, try breathing through your mouth."

"Keep holding here," She instructed her to pinch her nose where she was holding. "I'll just go clean up in there. You'll be fine."

Samantha nodded gratefully, she sighed sadly watching as blood from her nose tainted her woolen carpet. Zedina walked back into the bathroom and stared blankly at the mess inside, she sighed and started picking up broken bottles of alcohol off the floor and dumped them in a trash bag that was just settled on the floor.

Once she was done with the bottles, she grabbed a mop bucket and filled it with water so she could clean the floor. She knew where everything was kept so she opened a shelf and grabbed washing gloves.

'Alright, let's do this.' She mused and started cleaning her floors. She turned the faucet on and let the water fill the tub before she drained it all until all the blood washed away. She then dumped vim inside the bathtub and let it soak for a while as she finished off with the floor and the sink—it was stained with blood and vomit.

Sighing heavily, she placed her hands on her waist and then exhaled, a soft grin plastered on her face when she saw how much progress she had made. She grabbed the bucket and walked outside through the back door and drained the dirty water in a trench. She walked back in and grabbed a brush and started scrubbing the tub.

By the time she was done, Samantha's bleeding had stopped. She got rid of the gloves, washed her hands, and then went to her room. She found Samantha staring absentmindedly at the floor.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" She asked taking a seat next to her.

"Sam?" She called.

"Sam!" She said robustly startling the girl, Zedina gasped when she took a good look at Samantha. 'She wasn't this bad last time,' Zedina mused. She recalled picking Samantha from clubs and house parties but she didn't look as bad as she did now. It frightened her. She looked pale, as though all the life in her had been sucked out of her body. Zedina's heart ached for her. Part of her felt guilty for being so happy while her ex-lover was drowning in her own chaos, burying herself in painful pasts with no one to numb or take the pain.

Her bloodshot eyes, disoriented expression, flimsy hair, her dry throat caused her voice to sound hoarse and strained. Her beautiful healthy body now an embodiment of her sickly nature. Samantha looked like she was on the verge of ending things at any moment.

"Are you alright?"

"Do I look alright?" She chuckled bitterly.

"I'm just asking; you don't have to be a dick about it."

Samantha sighed, "I'm not okay Zee, I haven't been." She clenched her jaw tightly, staring at her weak rickety fingers Samantha wished to undo everything, her newfound bliss in drugs, her recent insatiable sexual drive, and the whole act. It was becoming exhausting on her part to hide behind the high drugs brought her, staying in the play pretend that parties offered was unbecoming now. She felt sickly, nothing brought her pleasure anymore, not masturbating to Zedina's nudes or having sex with strangers. She wanted to start over again, she tried—really tried—fighting for Zedina but she started wondering if it was all worth it.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself ba—I mean Sam," Zedina replied, she gulped harshly and then climbed on top of the bed. She grabbed Samantha's hands in hers and pulled her on top.

"I can't keep coming back here Sam, I can't be this person for you anymore. I have Jane now." Zedina licked her lips and stared at the girl with so much sadness in her heart. She hated to do this, now when she needed her but she had to.

Samantha drew in a sharp breath, "I have really lost you haven't I?" She sniffed, she didn't want to cry, not this time. She had cried for so long and she didn't want to do it in front of Zedina.

"I'll always be in your life Sam, but not in this way. This time you have to figure things out alone. You have to get better, for you and no one else. I love you, Sam, I love you so much but I can't."

"Is it because of last time?" Samantha asked meekly. Her heart twisted in the most uncanny way that scared her.

"No Sam, I'm sorry I made you think that before. I just wanted a fresh start with someone else, what I had with you was the best thing I could ever experience but I am with Jane now and I want things with her to really work out."

Samantha whimpered, she released a shaky breath and shut her eyes. "You know; I was going to propose to you that day." She shakily said and exhaled.

Zedina's eyes widened, "Yeah," Samantha chuckled humourlessly.

"What?" Zedina asked softly incredulously.

"That day you broke things off, yeah, I wanted to like ask you to be with me forever." She drew in a sharp breath and smiled weakly through her tears. "But it's alright. I'll respect your decision Zee, but I won't stop loving you." Zedina felt a huge wave of flutter in her heart, she felt warmth rush into her bloodstream causing her to take a deep breath and smile softly.

"I won't stop waiting for you. And when you still want us to be together, I'll be here ready. I'll get better for myself and then I'll wait to have you, Zee. I love you."

"I love you too Sam." Zedina couldn't help but press a soft gentle kiss on her lips. To Zedina it felt like a goodbye kiss that fueled her love for the girl but for Samantha it felt like hope. So, when Zedina pulled back, the look of adoration in Samantha's pale eyes didn't go unnoticed by Zedina.

She was going to get better. 

Author's Note

Whose heart did I break with this?