This boy next to my room

54

Connor

She's a whore.
She's a big whore.

I desperately rush to Cynthia's room. I had promised myself that I would not use her and her body again the moment I knew how she felt about me but right now I am unmanageable, my anger and hatred is far too great to allow me to simply calm down.

How can a girl who is nothing but a whore have this unwanted effect on me? I hate what she's making me into. I was already a bad person before I met her but now it's worse.

Because she's pushing me to become even worse.

I don't bother to knock and enter her cabin hoping that she's there alone. And fortunately she is, because I would have been annoyed to have to fuck her in the tight toilet of the boat.

Sitting on her suitcase, she turns to me and analyzes me from top to bottom. She usually guesses right away what I need and jumps on me but here she doesn't move.

I sigh of annoyance and get closer to her to kiss her. But to my astonishment, she pushes me back.

I feel stupid. Did I seem too abrupt ? I move back immediately.

"Sorry. I should have warned you."

She shakes her head to tell me it's okay before straightening up. Her eyes still stare at me with a touch of sadness, it's disturbing.

"Something happened right ?" She supposes and i nod.

"Come, sit on my bed and explain me." She whispers, pointing to it.

This earns me a raised eyebrow. I'm surprised, she's never asked me that before and it's unsettling.

"Wouldn't you rather fuck ?"

She shakes her head negatively with a sigh. "Connor, you can't keep doing this to escape your issues. It doesn't solve anything and hurts you more than anything else, you'll see, as talking feels good too."

Confused, I question her with my eyes, waiting for her to explode with laughter and tell me that it's a joke, but obviously, it's not the case because I see nothing but sincerity in her eyes.

"What's happening to you Cynthia ?" I ask with a small smile on my face.

"What's happening to me ? It's not that hard to understand Connor, I want to be more than the one who helps you get your problems out by fucking. Because I really love you and I think you know that doing that isn't the way to see my true worth."

To say that I wasn't touched by these words would be a lie because I was. I never really paid attention to her and I must say that I feel guilty for using her only for sex. But still, I'm not in the mood to confide in anyone at all.

"Your eyes look like they've been through hell, have you been crying or on drugs ?" She adds with a laugh.

I frown before getting up to grab the phone sitting on the nightstand next to the bed. Not knowing the code, I scan myself on the black screen and indeed, it looks like I've burned more than one joint.

"I can't fucking believe you got the idea that I was crying, who do you think I am Cynthia ? A sissy ?" I gasp in a laugh.

"Oh excuse me 'sir I never cry.' " She jokes while I send her my middle finger.