This boy next to my room

59

June

With Kathy's help, we unload the luggage of the trunk of the bus. I'm astonished to see at which point some are very heavy, to believe that they put all their house in it. I believe that I am going to finish with a torticolis and a big backache at the end of the day.

The trip was hard enough on me as I wasn't ready for such a big change in the weather. In the boat, it wasn't as cold, at least not when we were inside and now it's pouring.

The residents of the reformatory who could not participate in the cruise came to welcome us with joy and they help us to take up the suitcases in the rooms.

My phone kept ringing, alerting me to the many messages Connor had sent me on the bus. I didn't answer them because even though it was yesterday, I was still hurt.

I hated that he was blaming me for kissing Tyler when he was doing much worse with Cynthia.

But either way, I don't have the patience to deal with him anymore, so I chose to ignore him. I know it's not going to last but it's just time to digest this story.

"Last suitcase for you my love!" Sings my best friend as she hands it to Brody.

They are adorable.

He takes it and gives her a quick kiss before walking away. The cops thank us for our help and release us.

"I loved this cruise! It was too good, what did you think?" She says as she takes me by the arm.

"Yeah that was great."

"I forgot to ask you but did you push Tyler away ? That's what he told me and I was a little surprised to hear that because I thought you guys were close enough.."

It's true that I didn't talk about that kiss with Kathy at all, obviously Tyler did it before me without forgetting to detail that I pushed him away. No one knows the reason why I did that because in everyone's eyes we were really close.

I hesitate for a moment before answering, I know that what I'm about to confess will confuse her because to her and everyone else for that matter, except Cynthia, Connor and I are like enemies-friends.

So I take a deep breath and tell her the details of my ambiguous relationship with him, not forgetting to tell her about all the times we've kissed. I consider Kat a trusted friend and I'm not going to keep everything to myself, maybe she can help me get my bearings.

"When I kissed Tyler, I had hoped to feel the same way I did with Connor. Because I didn't want to wrap my head around the idea of developing any kind of romantic feelings for him, he's a real jerk you know."

Guilt catches up with me as I explain this to him. It's like I've been using Tyler and I hate to wrap my head around it.

"Wait but what you're telling me doesn't make sense come on! Connor is not the type to kiss girls at all, unless it's to have sex with them." Said Kathy with her eyes wide.

"You think he only wants to fuck me too? That's Cynthia's opinion."

"No I didn't say that, but I hope you know that with his ex it's been very complicated and in my opinion it will take a long time before he commits to a real relationship."

"Kat.. He only kissed me a few times, we're not talking about a relationship here."

I desperately shake my head as I climb the marble stairs.

"You should clear things up with him. Ask him what he wants from you, then you'll know what he really wants."

"Probably."