This boy next to my room

62

Connor

Why such a reaction when Cynthia has also confessed these feelings to me?

Because it's June.

And now that I know that my feelings for her are mutual, I'm completely freaking out.

My face probably didn't show anything as a thousand emotions came over me and I'm aware that it hurt her the way she left.

It made me realize that I had been holding my breath since she said that sentence that meant everything, since those eyes answered my fateful question. I tensed up and she saw it, she hated the way I looked at her but she didn't know I was just taking in the situation.

I know she is totally different from Leslie, I know she would be incapable of doing what she did to me, I know it yet I preferred to hole up in endless silence.

A silence that made her leave.

June loves me.

I could swear that her look communicated it to me.

And frankly the only thing I want to do is to go get her and tell her to say those three words out loud to me.

I want to hear her tell me that she loves me, and this time I'll answer her properly. So the next second I'm up and rushing to the bathroom to get to her room. Like her, I don't even bother knocking and just walk right in.

But my eyes drift to the policeman she is talking to.

What does he want from her ?

They turn to me at the same time and I could swear that June's facial expression has changed, she was disappointed when I didn't answer her but now she seems even more so, I could even say that she has closed up.

"What are you doing here ?" Asks the cop.

I had completely forgotten that entering someone's room was forbidden.

"I need to talk to June."

Her eyes reflect incomprehension, she is apprehensive about what I want to say. The police officer doesn't respond and nods to June before leaving the room.

As soon as the door slams, I rush to June's side. And when our eyes are close enough for me to see the pain in them, I feel even worse. Seeing her like this, completely down, is heartbreaking. Maybe my reaction led her to believe that my feelings were not shared, when it's quite the opposite.

I like June and now that my attraction for her is shared, I can't dwell on my past with Leslie any longer. June is not Leslie, she won't do the same to me.

Because from the beginning, I feel like I'm the one screwing things up.

And that I'm the one who's hurting her.
This can't go on.

But as I was about to make my confession, her mouth opens to take a deep breath while her eyelids close drastically, when she takes enough air, she anticipates me by saying:

"Connor, you don't have to give me an answer because honestly, I know this will get us nowhere."