This boy next to my room

50

Connor

All through breakfast I looked for June's eyes, but I had the impression that she was avoiding me. I'm a bit upset because this morning she told me that she wasn't going to pretend that nothing had happened.

That girl is going to drive me crazy, those green eyes are going to haunt me. I still have the vague image of them displaying all the pleasure she felt and the warmth of her breath caressing my skin. I definitely can't go a day without thinking about her, before I only wanted her for sex, but now it's different.

I told her about myself so easily and she did the same, I got to know her completely in one evening. And now I am literally obsessed with her.

All the feelings I had buried deep in my heart come to the surface when I think about her, it's not like Leslie, because I know she's pure.

Both her soul and her body are totally pure, she is incapable of hurting me.

"Connor, are you okay? A female voice whispers near my ear. At the sound of this voice, I snap out of my thoughts and back away slightly.

"What the hell was that all about?" asks Cynthia in a questioning voice. She probably didn't understand why I backed away so quickly.

"Nothing.

"If you say so... Have you had time to think about what I said yesterday? It's not that I want to rush you, but it bothers me not to have an answer."

I take a quick look around us. We're alone in the main room of the boat, I don't even know how I got here. Oh yes, that's right. I needed a smoke.

I take a long sigh before pulling my packet of cigarettes from my pocket under Cynthia's watchful eye.

"Look, you really helped me and to be honest with you, you're a worthwhile girl". I begin. "Except dating you is a bit complicated if I don't have feelings. I'm sorry."

I can see the disappointment and hurt in her eyes but despite that, she continues to smile at me. I even feel sick to my stomach for her, it's not easy to love someone in one way.

"You love June, don't you? She asks in a slightly broken voice, at any moment she could burst into tears but she holds back.

I'm caught off guard by her question, so I don't answer and just smoke. Do I love June? No, I can't.

"I see. It's a real shame, you know, because I saw her earlier on the terrace with Tyler. They looked close." She simply admits.

What?

The next thing I know, I'm heading for the terrace. I don't know what's wrong with me, but knowing she's moving on so quickly after what happened yesterday makes me feel betrayed and really stupid.

When I arrive at the door to the outside of the boat, I open it without missing a beat and indeed, as Cynthia told me, I find June and Tyler leaning against the railing. The smell of the sea tortures my nostrils and the wind almost knocks me over. What a lousy weather.

I watch them for a long time before deciding to move forward and as I get closer to them, I feel my steps getting slower and slower, even though I am speeding up.

Tyler's hand moves until it reaches his bare shoulder. I stare at him but he doesn't see me, so I move on.

Their heads tilt towards each other and the small distance between them makes me speed up more.

But only just as I thought I could reach them did their faces get closer and closer.

Until they were inches away.

This time I step back.

No, I stop.

The mouth that was sealed to mine a few hours ago is now sealed to hers.

And what the hell...

It hurts.