This boy next to my room

52

Connor

The smoke that enters my lungs feels like a sickness. I can barely hear the words Brody is whistling in the chair next to me. We are in the main room, or rather the break room.

Immediately after seeing June and Tyler, which by the way, tore me up much more than I imagined, I couldn't control the anger that was going to my head and it was fucking frustrating.

I have no reason to feel this way, she is nothing to me and what happened last night meant absolutely nothing. Sure I told her about my past but it was a fucking moment of weakness, I fucked up.

She probably feels the same way.

And then what was I seriously thinking? What did I think when I told her that ? That she would reassure me ?

I'm an idiot.

Without meaning to, a nervous laugh escapes from my throat as I crush my cigarette on the floor. I even forgot that the guards are not far from here and if I get caught with this shit, I'll be in big trouble.

"Are you alright man ? You look like you're revered." Brody remarks.

Good point Sherlock.

"Where's your girl ?" I ask, ignoring him. He doesn't fall for it and sighs heavily.

"What's the matter ? I feel like you've been pulling away from everyone lately, you seem distracted, can you explain me ?"

June drives me crazy. I hate her as much as I'm attracted to her, I can't accept the fact that she likes someone else.

I can tell myself that all I want is her ass but that's not how I feel at all.

that's the fucking problem.

"What's up." Does a familiar voice from the doorway. I really wonder when he became so annoying.

Since he got a hard-on for June probably.

I don't mind staring at him to let him know he's pissing me off, his proud guy look makes me puke and makes my already boiling veins boil even more.

"I was just asking Connor what's wrong with him." Says Brody.

"I'm asking myself the exact same question." Tyler says as he stares back at me. "Why are you looking at me like you want to jump me on dude ?"

My fist in his face is about to go off. He's lucky he used to be my buddy, even though we're closer or God knows what he would have gone through today.

But in any case it's not him I have to blame, it's me. I let this brat access my weaknesses and now this is the result.

"I'm going to get another cigarette." I gasp as I stand up.

I don't look away from this jerk until I'm out of the break room. The hatred still eats me up inside, I really don't want to admit it to myself but I have to face the fact that I have developed an unhealthy attachment to this girl.

Unhealthy because I want to hurt her as much as she hurt me and I know for sure that after I gave her my fucking weaknesses, it got worse.

As I make my way back to my dorm, there is only one thing occupying my thoughts, Cynthia's questions.