This boy next to my room

56

Connor

The daylight coming through the small window in the corner of the dormitory makes me squint. I have a terrible headache, it's probably because of the cigarettes, a real problem.

The unmistakable smell that is certainly coming from Cynthia's hair, lying next to me, makes me want to sneeze. Not that she stinks, but it's unpleasant.

For a moment, I was hoping to smell June's vanilla perfume.

For a moment I said.

I detach these fine arms of my chest then I stand up again with difficulty, the dizziness and the nausea is felt more.

The first thing my eyes fall on Cynthia's roommate's full suitcase, which seems to be missing. My heart leaps violently in my rib cage when I realize I forgot to pack mine, what a fucking idiot! I was too engrossed in June that I completely skipped it.

"You're going to run away again..?" Blows a familiar voice behind me as I quickly pull on my shirt.

"This time it's necessary, sorry." I say as I finally take my phone then rush to the door.

Yesterday, after having a lot of fun with Cynthia, we couldn't help but sleep together even though it wasn't really in her plans. She even jumped on me and I wasn't going to refuse such a favour ? In the end, we went round and round without stopping until the night fell and we fell asleep next to each other.

In all honesty, I'd rather have that than the talk.

But somehow I can't help but feel bad every time I resort to this solution to feel better. Silly, right ? I feel like I'm doing exactly what my ex did with me because I also know that she only fucked me when it was convenient for her to vent her frustration.

Except that I was an idiot and didn't say anything until I caught her with my dad.

Just thinking about it makes my headache worse.

When my hand lands on the handle of the door leading to my dormitory, I freeze.

I lose my balls for the first time in my life; I have no desire to meet the green eyes of the girl who occupies far too much of my thoughts, I don't want to remember how she referred to my father, I don't want to remember that she kissed Tyler.

I don't want to see her.

I swallow shabbily, looking for a way to ignore her. Could I just do what I did before? Not look at her? But I'm not sure she will.

What if she says something to me ?

Too late.

My hand wrapping around the cold metal of the door stretches forward, a sign that someone is opening the door. I barely have time to let go when two pairs of eyes make contact with mine.

Two pairs of red eyes.

She cried ?

No, I don't care.

She starts to stare at me but I pass her in front in order to quickly get rid of the things lying around in the wardrobe. I can nevertheless feel her looking at me behind me but I don't flinch, I mustn't look at her.

"You... Where have you been ?"

Don't answer.
Don't answer.

Silence returns just after her little voice calls out to me. I fill it by abruptly opening my suitcase ; Fatal error because I could not hear these steps approaching me, it is only when I turn around to catch my clothes that I see her immobile at a few meters.

Damn it, get out of the way.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that.." She whispers.

Tell me what ? That I'm an asshole or a son of a bitch? Because either way, I know you mean it.

I still have a lot of hatred towards her and every time she opens her mouth to speak I want to insult her as much as I want to hug her.

Until she choke.

"I think you didn't read my message yesterday.."

"I was busy."

What a jerk.

Silence resurfaces in the room. She must be surprised at my curt and quick response.

"Okay.. and where did you sleep ?"

At the time I want to answer her that I spent the night fucking Cynthia, just to hurt her. But my good conscience prevents me from doing so and I prefer to keep silent.

A good minute passes without either of us speaking. I just know that she is watching me and I try to do as fast as possible to leave this dormitory and more important, to leave June.

"I don't even know why I'm making this effort. I don't care, stay mad if you want because I am mad too, and more than you."

She's lunatic.

If someone was there to judge our actions, they would probably be confused. Because from an outside point of view, it's a game of cat and dog; the famous phrase Flee me I follow you, follow me I flee you is perfect to describe what's happening now.

Because I stopped putting my clothes on my suitcase and turned to look at her.

I broke the fucking resolution I had made when I walked into the room.

"Stop playing the victim for a moment, you have absolutely no reason to be mad !"

"Of course I do! I really fucking feel like you don't realize how much your words can hurt me Connor, you told me I was enough and that..."

"And you kissed Tyler !" I cut her off drastically.

I then realize what a stupid thing I just said when she frowns. I wasn't prepared to say that, it just came out and frankly I'm surprised myself.

Good for you Connor, you just proved that you're fucking jealous.

"Does that bother you ?"

"No."

"Then what was that ?"

I want to beat myself to death or better yet, bury myself six feet under the ground.

I sigh, she has defeated me. I have nothing more to say in my defense, I am terribly angry at my mouth for not shutting up.

My rage is replaced by a feeling of shame when she starts to smile, like when she asked me if I was jealous. Honestly, I want to rip that smirk off her face but she's adorable like that.

June: 1
Connor: 0

I roll my eyes as I turn around to finish packing.

"Didn't you read the message I sent you then ?"

No, I was having sex with Cynthia. I want to answer her. But instead, I pull out my phone and go to my messages.

« I think I got attached to you. »

I swallow my smile.