This boy next to my room

51

Before you guys start reading, I would like to sincerely apologize for the delay in the release of these eleven chapters. I had a big writing breakdown, it happens to me often and I really do my best not to fall too far behind.

I want you to know in advance that I won't give up on this story even if I have a breakdown of several months :)

And also, we're getting closer and closer to the end. So I want to hand out tissues in advance <3

Good reading.

June

What are you doing, June ?

I put both my hands on his cheeks to accentuate the kiss, hoping to feel something, the same as with Connor, this electric shock so consuming but nothing.

It's wrong, I know.

If only he knew that I had kissed his friend the day before, the way he pleased me, the intense feeling I felt every time he touched me..

I want to feel that from him, I want Tyler to make me feel like Connor does, because I know he's not toxic, I know he appreciates me for what I am and I know he's not interested in any other girl but me.

But unfortunately the fire doesn't light and the guilt slowly catches me up.

Tyler doesn't push me away, in fact he seems to like it. It's even more guilt-ridden.

Despite the night with Connor, I couldn't bring myself to forget who he was and what he told me about Cynthia's feelings. I'm pretty sure that night didn't mean anything to him, he's used to getting off with girls.

"I've been waiting so long for this moment, you can't even imagine." Tyler bellows in an uncontrolled voice between kisses.

His voice brings me back to reality harshly, I was in a daze and all the guilt I was feeling was now amplified. Who are you June ? Why the hell are you doing this ?

Just as he was about to start kissing me again, I reflexively step back. My heart tightens when I read the incomprehension in his face, I swallow hard and then lower my head, ashamed.

"What's wrong ?" He asks.

"I'm sorry. I.. I think I messed up."

Here I am, awkwardly uttering the sentence that everyone fears to hear.

"You mean you didn't want to kiss me ?"

"No.. I mean, it's not totally that. Look, you're a good person and I think I just made a mistake by kissing you because... I..." I cut myself off suddenly as I shifted my gaze back to the sea in front of me. "Wait, did you like it ?"

Confused by my sudden change in tone, Tyler stares at me again.

"The kiss ? Yes of course, but it didn't mean anything you know ? If you're not ready to commit then don't force yourself.."

You're a horrible person, June.

I smile shyly at him and nod my head. I can indeed see the disappointment in his eyes and it breaks my heart but something, or rather someone, prevents me from going further with him, I've past the event horizon, like in a black hole with Connor and going back is literally impossible.

At least on my side.

"I'm so sorry." I sigh.

"There's nothing to be sorry about."

If only he knew.

I nod and turn around to access the inside of the boat. I need to think and more importantly, I need to clear the air with Connor.

It's either we go further or we stop everything.