From The Journals of Katherine Plumber

~We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Forked Up Life~

Here is the thing no one asked for, but here it is anyways: WELCOME BACK TO MY FORKED UP LIFE

So, growing up in PA there are three things you can not avoid. Starting with: The York Fair. AKA America's first Fair which is what every other fair will say but we're just right. Then, Dutch Wonderland. If you want to introduce your child to fear and anxiety before the ripe old age of 4, take 'em there. And, lastly, Hershey. Not the park, or the candy, the town. 

So, this forked up chapter started two weeks ago. My mom, gram and I were looking at old photos of me when I was like forking six or whatever. we found one from Dutch Wonderland. Yes, I made good friends there and all, but I chose to forget that place considering I am a Hershey Girl now.

And also, a city girl, cause this place is legit in the middle of nowhere. Like, just farms surround it. Nothing like riding an old wooden roller coaster that breaks from out of under you while smelling the most shity smell ever. Literally. It's cow shit from the farms.

Now, here I am - 17 years old with my 30 something year old mother - looking at these photos and a-okay with forgetting that place. Then bam! Hit right in the face with something worse than cow shit, a ticket to Dutch Wonderland. My mom is like "we are going to relive the moment!" oh please i don't want to. I hate the old me and I don't want to ever think about who I was before.

so, here comes the part everyone loves: When I lose my shit. The next Sunday comes, and we are packing up to go to Lancaster for the day. Now, I may hate the idea of going back to tHe KiNgDoM fOr KiDs, but I took this as my chance to wear a tiara cause why the hell not :D

so, here we are, driving into this tiny ass parking lot outside this old, white castle. the first thing that went wrong? Oh, the fact that we drove over a dirty diaper and our tire then smelt like piss

SO MUCH FORKING FUN, RIGHT!?

my mom is over here all like "just enjoy the day! it's a ticket to a free amusement park!"

please. the most fun ride is a coaster that was built 60 years ago that im pretty sure hasn't had maintenance in at least 10 years 

but whatever

we go in, the whole time getting weirded out stares from parents. like yeah, if i had a kid and I saw two older people walking into a CHILDRENS park i would get weirded out, too. of course, my mom didn't care cause she has no filter

the first thing we did was bumper cars after walking down a path which i'm pretty sure was abandoned. the whole time my mom is treating me like a toddler and even tried to sit in the same car as me istg i wanted to die then and there 

BUT UNFORTUNATLY

i didn't.

after the ride finished and i destroyed some little children (proud day for me) we went to one of their shows.

of course i am like sHoW oKaY bEt!

it was a dive show

i was wearing a forking white dress

in a splash zone

if i did not look like an odd one out already i sure as hell did while walking around in my now see through dress

once the show was over we rode the little car ride then went to see the dinosaurs. 

yes

dInOsAuRs

THE FORK ARE DINOSAURS DOING HERE!?

there were new and for some reason like in the middle of this old fashioned theme park they added like 10000% tacky to this place