Time Realms of The Inner Child

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Top pic credit: Sharlock

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A/n: the beginning of this chapter was inspired by the attack on titan season 4 pt. 2 ed (especially the scenery). It's beautiful and my favorite ending of that entire series. Even if you haven't watched the show, I highly recommend looking up that ending to get the vibe here.

One more thing. To understand what is happening here, pay attention to the chapter title.

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__ POV:

So, was it everything you expected?

Death, I mean.

Well...to be honest, I don't know. No matter how much one tries to expect or prepare, death will always end up surprising us in the end.

We never really know what's on that other side until we're there for ourselves.

And while I imagined the moment for many years, I never really thought about what death itself would hold, as strange as it is to say.

It was always about what would come after it. When I would finally stop chasing after the ones who always beat me to the finish line.

There's a piece of you that never returns when your loved ones leave you. I felt the only way to get that piece back was by joining them.

I wanted to die...because I thought...that's the only way I'd be able to feel alive again.

But, if there was one thing I learned in the moment, it was that I never felt alive at all because I never truly lived.

Of course those pieces will always be missing. Yes, they won't ever be found because that's the double edged sword of love. It clings to your heart strongly. So much so, it can't even let those parts go in the afterlife.

But, the truth is that I lived to die. I merely just existed, and let the world trample over any worth or happiness I could have found. All for the sake of people who were no longer there.

Loss is hard.

I never moved on from it. So, it ate me alive instead. I channeled all that grief into the only way I knew how, but that doesn't make it right.

When the spear went through my chest, I knew instantly I was going to die.

I was scared. Very scared. My first thoughts were of Touya and my mom, wondering if they were just as scared as I was in that moment.

But, more than anything, I was sad. My life flashed before my eyes, but not just in memories. It flashed with things I never got to do. Things I didn't even realize I wanted until that very moment when it was too late.

Life is precious. Even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes, it is. And I can admit...that I willingly threw my life away from the age of fourteen years old.

My spirit died a long time ago.

I gave up on all my dreams and lived as an empty shell. I let fear and grief control every aspect of my life, losing full sight of my own identity.

It was terrifying that...in death....I didn't know who I was.

Who was Violet Sasaki? I never found out the answer. Even now...I still don't have the answers.

It's quiet here. There's nothing and no one....but me...forever in the dark.

Even here, I'm alone. Before I wished for nothing but death, and now I wish for nothing more than to live another day.

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