Honey

21. Mother's Intuition.

The ice cream melted. Probably should've seen that coming when I let Thomas, well, you know, do that. If I'm being honest, I completely forgot about it, hell I forgot about everything, my homophobic shitbag father? Who's that? It was pure bliss, the feeling of unbridled freedom and serenity when I felt Thomas's lips around me. The feeling of absolute ecstasy that ran through my entire body when I came into his mouth.

And he swallowed. I didn't even realise that.

Well actually, I did. And I fucking loved it. Honestly, if you asked me a month ago if that would be happening to me with Thomas fucking Baker, I'd have toppled over laughing. It really just doesn't feel real. And, of course, I can't help but feel like one day, this absolutely stunning boy who actually likes me for some unknown reason, is going to realise that I'm worthless and that he can do much fucking better.

Because he can, I just hope he doesn't realise it. Not yet anyway. He will eventually though. I know it's coming. It's only a matter of time.

So that's why I've learned to savour every second I have with him. I've come to memorise everything about him. His soft, husky voice, his mystical ocean eyes, his hair that runs through my fingers perfectly, his strong arms holding me by my waist, his soft, large hands exploring me freely, making me feel all kinds of indescribable things. And, of course, his lips, their softness and how they feel against mine, and how he tastes, his skilful tongue that forces me into Submission while he ravishes me.

But most of all, his personality, his humour. How he manages to make every situation better with just a few carefully selected words. How he can go from acting like a middle aged man, to a hormonal teenager, to a toddler, within the span of about five seconds. His laugh, and how he manages to make me laugh.

Fucking everything about him makes me want to just yell at him for being so goddamn perfect.

I should tell him that more often now that I think about it, that he's perfect, because he is. He's perfect, hell, he's almost too perfect.

While thinking of all these perfect things, my mind just has to wander to all the imperfect things in my life, because there's a lot of that shit too. My dad. God, what the hell is going to happen there. I mean, my mom did say he'd be moving out. So are they getting a divorce? Great, so I've ruined my parents marriage.

I can't help but think about what effect this will have on us as a family. Laura will be so confused as to why dad isn't living with us anymore. I'm sure he'll still spend time with her though, and Asher. Although, Asher is more aware of the situation than Laura so, I doubt he will. I want him to though, he deserves to still have a father even if I don't.

Asher's words from last night fill my mind and I can't help but get lost in them. 'I'm sure he'll come around.' Will he? I mean, even if he does, I'm not sure I could forgive him for how he reacted. Not unless he takes it all back. Every last word that cut into me like knives and made me feel as if I were dying. I never imagined my father of all people saying such cruel things, especially when they were directed towards me. And, the fact that he was truly shocked to his core when my own mother chose to support me instead of shaming me and standing by his side. That, just proves that he, my own beloved father, will never ever acknowledge the fact that I am a human fucking being and that what I choose to do with my own body and who I choose to love is none of his fucking business.

Ha. Isn't it actually so weird how a homophobe can have a part in making such a gay person.

Anyways, back to perfect things because I've had enough of this depressing shit. Oh, and speaking of perfect things, right now, I'm in Thomas's lap. That's a very perfect thing indeed.