Honey

32. Today's The Day, Part 2.

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Thomas's POV
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Ok ok, before you say anything just please hear me out. You're probably thinking I'm crazy or something I mean, who in their right mind would willingly tell their extremely anti-gay parents that they are in love with someone of the same sex?

That crazy and absolutely terrified person is in fact, me.

Yes I know, it's a stupid idea and in preparation for the inevitable, I've already packed my bags.

But alas, it must be done. I can't and quite simply won't lie any longer. I'm completely and utterly sick of it. I hate it with every fibre of my being that when I am doing even the simplest things, there's always this voice in the back of my head telling me that I could be doing that simple task and be who I really am and be comfortable with my true self while doing it. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it eats away at me from the inside like a parasite that is determined to devour me until there's nothing left.

I also know that I have to do it. I have no other choice in the matter. Yes, I'm doing this mostly for me. But, I'm also doing it for Billy. He deserves someone who is comfortable in their own skin and someone who is confident being themself. I want to be that not just for myself, but for him.

And deep down I know that if I don't, I face the possibility of losing him. And that is something that I never want to become a reality.

I truly can't imagine what life would be like without Billy. Hell I can barely even remember what brought me joy before him. What else could put a smile on my face other than the boy I love with all my heart? I can't and I won't risk losing the one thing I have left in my life that brings me more joy than I can bare.

Which is why today is the day that I seal my fate for good.

I can either come out of this unscathed or torn to shreds. The latter is definitely the more likely outcome if I'm being entirely honest.

But even torn to shreds I'll still be coming out of this stronger than ever. I know for a fact that the only way I can face this dreaded task is head on. And I also know that no matter what my parents reactions are, it won't hurt me in the slightest.

I know they don't love me, at least not as much as they used to. Yes, there's probably a small, minuscule part of them that does still hold at least a fraction of affection for me. But I'm well aware that after this, that part of them is going to fade along with any evidence of their love for me.

It's been a week since that night I spent With Billy. A week since Nana died. That night, I decided I needed to do this. Yes, Billy protested but with some ample convincing, I finally got him to agree to this.

It's what I want. And I know it's what Nana wanted too. I just hope she gets front row seats to watch me tell my parents. I can imagine it now, the uncontrollable laughter escaping her at the looks of pure shock and confusion on their faces. How she would back me up if she were here, no matter what.

I have to stop myself from choking up just thinking about it. God I wish she were still here. It really would make things a lot easier for me.

I can imagine how she would protect me from their scrutiny like a guardian angel. I can imagine the scene down to the finest details. She would bring a lighter and burn the bible right in front of them as they told me repeatedly how the bible says this and the bible says that. That's how badass she was. The thought of actually doing that, burning the bible, crosses my mind for a second but I don't think much more of it when I realise that it may be taking things a bit too far. Also, I'm not that dramatic....I could tear it to shreds instead. I don't have a lighter unfortunately.