Honey

22. In Bed With Your Brother.

"I see the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him. I haven't seen you smile like you do when you look at him in years," my mom continues, her comforting smile making things easier to process.

The minute she said Thomas's name, a million questions ran rampant through my mind.

Even though her comforting words still echoed in my head, I couldn't help but feel scared. Scared for Thomas, and our relationship. Scared that my mother would want to tell Thomas's parents. Scared that Thomas would become distant and reject me now that my mother knows about us. Scared that he'd be scared.

"Please don't say anything to anyone, he's not out yet mom," I plead, studying her cautiously as I await her reply.

"I won't honey, I promise," she assures me, holding my hands tighter and giving me a soft smile, "are you happy?" She asks abruptly, though her tone remains reassuring.

"Yes, really happy mom," I say with confidence, making her smile widen as she pulls me into another hug that I'm forced to embrace for a moment. I would never actually say this to her but, I much preferred Thomas's hugs.

She pulls away after a moment and cups my cheeks with her hands, looking at me with so much love in her eyes that I can't help but reflect her bright smile.

"God I'm so fucking proud of you, you know that?" She says, her rare choice of words making me laugh as I nod my head profusely.

"I know mom, thank you," I say through my laughter that she had begun to pick up as well.

She releases my hands from hers and stands up, brushing herself off before making her way towards the door. She turns back around when she does and there's a beaming smile on her face.

"I'm going to go put your sister to bed, she requested five bedtime stories this time," she chuckles, turning back around and making her way out of the living room and up the stairs to Laura's bedroom.

My phone buzzes in my pocket for what feels like the millionth time today and I take it out, turning it on to read the text message I'd received. When I see who it is my hands begin to shake and a stray tear makes it's way down my cheek. My heart beats sporadically in my chest and my breathing becomes heavier as I open the dreaded message.

Dad:
I'm coming over tomorrow to collect some of my things. I want to talk to you about something.

Fucking asshole. Not even a 'hello' or a 'how are you after I basically told you that you were an abomination yesterday and that I hate you and never want to see you again?' Well, actually, that last part might not be true. He says he wants to talk to me about something. The fucking audacity he has to think that I'd actually want to hear from him after what he said about me.

A wave of worry washes over me as I read the message over and over again. Like I should even give a shit about what he wants. He wants to talk to me? Yeah, well I don't want to talk to him.

Deep breathes Billy, deep breathes. He's not fucking worth it. I compose myself after a second and read over the message one more time before typing out my reply, struggling with my still shaking hands.

Me:
I don't want to talk to you. You had your chance and instead you chose to hurt me and then try and turn my own mother against me. I'm deleting your contact. This is goodbye. I never want to see you again.

I hit send when I've read over it about twenty times, every word of it true. The minute I send it I open my contacts and delete his without hesitation.

I know that this isn't goodbye though. He seems surprisingly determined. And I have a feeling that tomorrow, my dad will somehow find a way to speak to me. And he'll fucking regret it. Mark my words.