I am like a bird.
The feeling of wanting and striving to be free and fly away is within me. I am like those offsprings wanting to fly away from their mother and have their own way to live and decide on their own.
Unfortunately. . .I am a bird but I am not free. All my life I am caged with my parents words, approvals, and decisions for my own life. They always make me feel bad about me, deciding on what I want and forcing me to do the things they thought that will do me good. . .but it doesn't. They only make me feel worst.
I couldn't even be happy about my achievements in life because those things. . .it's not what I really want. It's what they want.
For a moment in my life, I chose to be brave and disobey. I chose to defy what they want and just like a bird. . .I flew away. But then the wind must be playing on me. They wind had go against me and instead of letting me flew away. . .it took me back into the cage. The fucking wind took me back to the place and people I once left behind and never planned to see again.
“Ang layo ng iniisip mo. . .”
Napatingin ako kay May Ann nang marinig ko siyang magsalita. She smiled at me.
“May problema?” She asked again.
I sighed then shook my head. May Ann is my best friend. We've known each other for a long time since we were once school mates.
“It's nothing.” I dismissed. “My mind just flew off for a moment.”
She just nod her head. Tumawag siya sa akin last week, noong makauwi ako dito sa Pilipinas galing ng France. She asked me to met up so we can catch up. Halos kalahating taon yata kaming hindi nagkita na dalawa.
The last time I saw her ay hindi pa siya kasal pero ngayon ay buntis na siya sa unang baby niya.
“Hindi na kita tatanungin kung kumusta ka kasi alam ko naman na hindi ka okay.” She smiled a little then held my hand. “Naiintindihan ko 'yong dahilan ng pag-alis mo pero sana man lang nagsasabi ka para hindi kami nag-aalala ni France sa 'yo.” Ngumuso siya. “Hindi ka pa nakapunta sa kasal namin ni Ranzell.”
I chuckled. “I'm sorry,” sabi ko. “Babawi na lang ako sa binyag ng anak ninyong dalawa.”
“Basta kapag kailangan mo ng tulong o kaya ng kausap, tawagan mo lang ako, love.”
I nod my head then smiled. On the other hand, masaya pa rin naman na bumalik ako dito sa Pilipinas kahit na puro masasakit na salita at malalakas sampal ang natanggap ko mula kay mommy.
Can't blame her though. . .I also think that a part of what happened to dad is my fault. Dad was now on his room, unable to work and function well because he had an attack. Turns out that the company's facing a bankruptcy and dad is stressing over it so much. Alam kong mahalaga para sa kanila ang kompanya na 'to at isa ako sa maaaring maging dahilan sa tuluyan na pag-bagsak nito kapag hindi ako pumayag sa kung ano ang gusto nila.
Nang makauwi ako ay naabutan ko si mommy na nakatayo sa may sala habang may kausap sa cellphone. Nakatalikod siya sa may gawi ko kaya hindi niya namalayan ang pag dating ko.
“The deal is still on, Cyrus. . . My daughter is now back from her vacation. . . Yes, I'm sorry for the delay. The marriage will be happening just like what we talked about. Thank you, Cyrus.”
I can't help but to smile bitterly. Nag-layas na ako at hindi umuwi sa kanila sa loob ng halos isang taon pero pagbalik ko ay ganito pa rin sila. . .
Nang bumaling siya sa akin ay agad na nangunot ang kaniyang noo. “Where have you've been, Ricca?” She asked as she walked towards me. “You need to prepare for the dinner later.”
