Kairn -
there are times where I just have too many questions I often think of the wagon like what if I never ran away in Canada so it's something I don't know.
I don't even know what would happen to me you often think that if you don't do something you fail at life and I think the hardest thing for me is like walking into other peoples opinions and wanting to please them in pisses me off that I become a people pleaser even though I'm working real hard to break that habit and not be so hard on myself it's just very hard when you like watching movies or TV shows and you ask yourself why don't I have that I want that why can I have that I want that and you just ask yourself that question maybe I did something to deserve this but then you have to think OK well .
I didn't do anything to deserve it because I'm not a bad person and wonder why you know bad people get the good in life and the good people get the short end of the stick it's very confusing and I just wish that you know that you could have answers as to why people are acting towards you the way that they do act you you kind of forget a sense of who you are along the way and by not doing that like an an opening up who you who you truly are it will hurt you in long on you don't think it's going to get you from there I should've like I should've should've stuck up for myself and you really hope that you're going to be OK but then you realized OK maybe maybe.
I'm not OK maybe I am selfish maybe I did something along the lines to deserve how life ended up anything wrong it was the people that but it's just very hard when the people hurt you make you feel like you're the cause of the mistakes and then you think about it and you're like well you know if I don't stand up now I'm not gonna get anywhere it's not a lot better when I was rescued by the love of my life he was always so charming .
I remember seeing him from a far and I want to see her for the first time it was pretty pretty emotional because you know you you love this person when you when they save your life and they be continuous that is another thing which is so crazy and it's just so beautiful and a way to check gonna be all right and that you're gonna come home to something beautiful I mean .
I would've never thought that I could've been saved I would've never thought that I could've and saved by anyone because so many people have let me down and hurt me it is such a confusing way of life really because you just want to be free but then realized you probably won't be free and then you realize that you are free and you just don't know what to do with yourself and I can't believe that .
I killed two Deers in a bunny rabbit in like a 10 minute time span goodness I hope that no one ever catches on to me as to why the dears are going missing because I can't eat a human I know others can but I just personally don't like it because I'm afraid .
I wouldn't have any self-control my husband he eats them all the time just doesn't under wraps he ate a pregnant lady today but then again she's been mysteriously murdered not by any of us because we know all the murders that happened about the vampire cousins it was very odd that she didn't really put much of a fight with her a person so maybe she knew her infusion well or some thing but he ate her
and I tried my first human today and it was very interesting it was very weird it feel like hot and cold sensation but then it gets in your mouth and it's just a perfect combo like an American combo meal with a milkshake a paper straw
wow I sound really weird for talking about a human like that but what can you do I'm just grateful that I'm not buried 6 feet under because I could be but right now I'm learning how to vision the world and manipulate the elements in that process right now I have everybody convinced that it snows in California when it never snows in California I could get used to this power thing I like my powers .
