Slytherin Pride

Memories

Draco's POV

She was smiling. She always did when she slept. I only knew this because she had fallen asleep in front of me before. Obviously. I hoped she was smiling because of me. I wish her eyes were open. I wish she didn't leave me in the dark. Alone. With my thoughts. Aunt Bella and my father were harboring in my mind, their Azkaban numbers burned into my brain. Both were being sent out. Meaning...they were both wanted. My fathers trial. He would be gone. I would watch the good father, the man my father used to be, leave his eyes. It would be worse than watching someone's life float away. Scarier. When someone dies it was sudden. It happened so fast but so softly you never really know when they're truly gone. That's why people say "maybe they still have a chance...their only sleeping...." they aren't sleeping. They're gone. The kiss...is even worse. Because you know when the light leaves a persons eyes. They are talking mid sentence. They suddenly stop and they then lose their voice and their breathing stops. But they're never dead. Never truly until they turn old. That's what scared me. My father would look at me. And wouldn't know me. He wouldn't ever talk or touch me. They would throw him away. He'd never walk again. He'd just sit in a dirty old chamber weathering into dust. "He was never...there for me..." I choked. Gin rolled off of me but stayed asleep. I sat up. Suddenly cold. My breathing was fast. When I finally get married...he won't be there...when I have a baby...bring a life to the world...carry out the Malfoy name...he won't be there...when he dies...of old age... "he won't be there...neither will I." I choked and my breath caught again. "Why can't my parents be heroes? Why can't I, and we be murdered by the Dark Lord? Why can't anyone smile...at me..." I already knew the answer. "Because you don't deserve that. You're nothing special. Nothing worth anyone's while. An absolute swine. Nothing good. No mercy, dimwitted fool." My breathing was rigid. This was how it always ended with me nodding agreeing with my mind. It was right. Always right. But a new voice popped in my head. It had never spoken before. 'If you weren't worth anybody's while then why is the most perfect girl lying next to you in bed? Why did she just kiss you and say she loves you. Hmm? Because she does. And that means you're more than a piece of shit. And she gives more than one fuck about you. Stand up for that. Stand up for her.' Now I'm not insane. I'm perfectly sane. But this voice had a point. Not one I necessarily always agree with. I'm really nothing special. But now...I have her. I have Ginny. She can do something...more than something. She's already helped so much. She doesn't know anything, but she's saved my life. From me. I would've been gone. With Blaise and Weasley 6 on top of Potter and Bella cheering for me to die...I would be dead, but Gin has stopped me. So now I just settle for cutting and not eating but once a week. It keeps me going but it's not making me fat. That's all that matters. Her. And her. And Ginny. That's all. I don't care about me. Just her. I want to make her happy. That's really the only explanation for me still being alive.

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