lover - leah williamson

the rush of nostalgia

november 3rd "21
castlefield, manchester

After the violent scenes of the early morning, Niamh never went back to bed. Mostly because the fear and adrenaline were still pacing through her body from the events that occured only hours before. Once she knew Matty was out cold, she began taking her things; she searched through drawers, cupboards, wardrobes in order to find any, and all, of her belongings. Niamh knew he was unlikely to wake from his alcohol influenced slumber, yet she still remained quiet out of the fear of the slightest chance he may wake up and pull similar stunts to his actions earlier.

The blonde was stood in the bathroom, clearing her things from the shower and toiletry cupboards, when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her eyes were dark and sunken, her hair still slightly damp and her face fell as she saw her appearance in front of her. Niamh moved her, still slightly shaking, hands to touch her face in an attempt to remove the dark circles that sat beneath her dull, green eyes. She exhaled deeply, sounding fatigued, yet continued to pack her things in a small suitcase that was now becoming seemingly full due to the amount of belongings she had moved in to Matty's apartment last year.

Niamh used the last of her strength and will to move her suitcase onto the sofa so she was able to zip it up. As she was doing so, a picture frame caught her eye that was perched on the windowsill of their living room; her head cocked towards it and her eyes seemed to be locked onto it also. Niamh placed her hands on the body of the frame and picked it up gently as she ran her thumb over the faces in the photo.

Maybe he was right. Perhaps I am a pathetic bitch.

She paused for a mere moment before blinking rapidly and placing the photo frame face down on the side to shake the thoughts racing through her mind.

Jesus Niamh, screw your head on!

She checked herself in the mirror before realising she still had her nightwear on and figured it definitely wasn't the smartest idea to turn up in her family town in the state she was currently in.

Moving herself back to the bathroom, she took out a fresh set of clothes from her suitcase along with her makeup bag, as she decided she should look half decent rather than half dead.

Applying the smallest amount of makeup and getting dressed was simply enough to tire her sleep deprived body to the point where she was nearly asleep stood up. Looking up to the mirror once more, she whispered "This better be worth it..."

And with that, she took one last look at the apartment where so many memories lingered, and Niamh was almost replaying them all in her head at once. However, the happiness was short lived as she began remembering, not only the events of that morning, but the events of the past 3 months. Pools were now blurring her vision in which caused her to wipe her pre-tears away before they could escape. Swiftly, Niamh turned to the door, and unlocked it gently in an attempt to keep Matthew in his slumber.

With one last breath, she was out of the door without a note nor word to Matthew. After all, he made Niamh's life a living hell and caused her to feel unlovable to anyone and everyone. This feeling sparked a promise from Niamh to herself, one that she would keep for as long as she felt it needed to. A promise to never fall in love with anyone, to prevent endings such as these ones, and feelings like the ones Niamh feels right now; unworthy, unlovable and incapable. And that was it, from the moment Niamh stepped outside her flat, she vowed to never feel that loving feeling.