lover - leah williamson

the saving grace

march 26th "22
newport pagnell, milton keynes

02:45am

Niamh felt empty. That was the only word to describe how she felt: empty. She always thought she knew how she'd feel if something like this ever happened, the typical depression, sadness, anger etc etc. Emptiness didn't cross her mind as one of those. It was a feeling that was indescribable; she seemed to feel absolutely everything, but absolutely nothing at the same time. All that had happened that night, had left her heart broken, soul numb, and body exhausted. Her eyes felt heavy, her breath appearing in front of her as she wandered the streets of Newport Pagnell alone, in an attempt to gain any form of sanity following the argument between her and Leah.

Everything brought her mind back to her. Every inch of the streets were scattered in memories of the two. The café where they met, the bar they shared their first kiss in, the fields they often roamed, hand in hand. No matter how hard Niamh tried, everywhere she looked, her mind constantly crawled back to Leah.

Niamh had left the party straight after the pair's fight, down a back way where she thought nobody would see her. She wanted to remove herself from any situations or questions she may create if she went back with a tear-stained face. So, she left without a word. Without a single goodbye to anyone. In all honesty, Niamh felt so mentally exhausted, the thought of anyone else didn't cross her mind. All she desired was for everything to be okay and for her feeling of despair to be ridden of.

As her aching feet dragged her along the cobbled pavement, she hung her head, staring down at the cold floor beneath her. Her eyes seemed to be fixed in a trance of nothingness and the ache in her heart only grew. However, this fixation was broken by a flicker of light that shone within the near distance. Her heavy head lifted itself to see the cause of such distraction, only to be met with the one thing she needed more than anything, or anyone, in that moment. The lights.

Niamh breathed out a cold and icy breath, one in which she didn't know she had been keeping in, at the sight of the lights. After everything: all the days, weeks, months, years, her feet continued to take her back to the one place that could never let her down. The one person who could never let her down.

Niamh perched herself on a black painted bench, with the gold engraving of Niamh's Nana's name within it, something in which the family had got (after Niamh's persuasion) after she passed. There was something so comforting whenever Niamh found herself here; she felt more connected to her Nana here, than she did anywhere else.

Her green orbs gazed up to the golden bulbs that hung from tree to tree, watching them emit their bright light around the town. She brought her hands together onto her lap and sighed out heavily as she tightened her jacket around herself, feeling the March, early morning chill.

Inhaling and exhaling with tears pooling in her eyes already, she opened her mouth to speak, "Hello Nana."

"It's me again. I know I haven't talked to you for a while, but, here I am. I actually wondered where I was taking myself for a little bit on the way here, you know, but somehow you always seem to pull through." Niamh finished with a dry chuckle, letting small tears fill her eyes. She paused for a few moments, until she began again,

"I don't know what to do, Nana and I know that if you were here right now you'd tell me exactly what to do and how to do it." Niamh chuckled again, "I just- I- I don't wanna lose her. I can't lose her. And I don't have a fucking clue what to do and I know you hate it when I swear but I really have lost myself this time, Nana." Niamh broke down, letting her rapid tears fall down her face onto the ground.