After three to four long years of uprooting to a small town in New Zealand, Lana had decided it was the right time to move back to London to finish off her studies at her home town whilst attending the University of Birmingham going to her second ye...
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Three days before university and I was already feeling out of depth being back home because according to my parents they think would be safer for me to stay at home than live in a dorm surrounded by different types of people who are attending the same university as me though I was internally feeling tired just thinking about how I would go back to the life of a single university girl student not even exactly sure what courses are available for this year, I can get through it with as long as I have my friends and my sweet addiction of caffeine not to mention my lifetime supply of churros or apple crumble to help me stay afloat through the year.
My sweet tooth addiction gets any time I got super stressed out from being under pressure a few times, I often do find myself ordering my delightful delicious and to die for churros or red velvet cupcakes to devoured in treating myself for two days after that I pretty much do a fifteen jog on the pathway to the path then straight back to my house or I hit the gym going back to my usual diet because I feel good when eating clean and exercise helps release all of the good endorphins during in a workout.
"You were about if I dress amazing then I would feel amazing too," I said under my breath to Tilly comment earlier to me.
The moment of happiness has only lasted for an hour or so much for hoping this feeling would last more than an hour to get myself to bear a real smile trying on our clothes that brought two weeks ago, I think I would rather be getting dressed in the bathroom to avoid anyone looking at my scars this afternoon meanwhile, my friend walks out of the room to show support for me even though they keep saying we are all scar until we are beautiful and I heard Penelope bedroom door creaks open to him, her older brother Layton as I quickly tried to hide them from him but it was too late because he saw them on my lower back not saying anything in the uncomfortable silence with him.
A tear falls down my face upset about him seeing my scars on my lower back nonetheless he did the most unexpected thing as he walked behind me trailing his fingers gently around the scars on my back as I suck in a breath whilst he carried on doing it for a while now, and places my hair on my left shoulder to continue to work on what he was doing when he stops suddenly as I kind of giggle because I was ticklish on my back as well as my legs too.
He wipes away my tears and then he mumbled into my ears"stop hiding your battle scars because they show how strong you are also you to get out of your darkest place, beautiful". Regardless of what he said to me was right, however, the darkness was still overshadowing every single day of my flipping life even when everything was going right.
Furthermore, I turned around to face him just to read his eyes to see if he actually means what he says to me due to the fact that I have trust issues of the past haunting me in my sleep for reasons which is simply above me to know how to cope at night being a mess of a person who has been struggling to find her inner peace again.
"What if I have not gotten out of my dark place because I fake it a lot of times?"I asked him, sad with a sad smile.
Sometimes I feel like the darkness has already been swallowing me up in whole pieces leaving me with nowhere else to escape this emptiness of feeling stuck in the past when I'm screaming out from someone or anyone else who can help save me. I think I will never be able to smile happily at the sun being in a moment of pure bliss of happiness in my heart as everything hits me ten times harder lately than it actually should just because it hurts so badly.
In addition to this, he places his hand on my face softly caressing it whilst gazing into my blue eyes taking longer to speak summing up his thoughts in his head and pulling me into his warm embrace for a long time, running his fingers through my hair getting distracted by playing with a few strands of it.
"We fake it until we make it sometimes until it gets easier for us to breathe to avoid the feeling of drowning or suffocating too," he said to me, but somewhere in his voice, I heard it was laced with pain in it.
Those words he said to me especially when he said 'we' hit me to the very core knowing that I was holding on for my dear life never letting of him as soon as his sister, my best friend walked into her bedroom along with other girls, therefore, she saw us hugging each other so she decided to join in our hug by making it a big group jumping in the middle of us, but she handed over some tissue for clear my tears on my face making sure that I was going to be alright for now.
We burst into laughter after seeing Tilly painting her face doing a makeup effect to look like a hyena since she was so good at doing these things which it is for creative art studies also I love how these girls will go through crazy lengths for me just to make me feel happy or laughed in the saddest times of my life. Continuously we talked among ourselves being only us girls when he went out of the room to go meet up with his friends downstairs in the living room watching a football game on the tv.
"I am so lucky to have friends like you in my life," I said gratefully to them.
This time they all stood up running towards me to give me a huge group huge hug on top of each other almost knocking me over the bed as I lay there flat on the mattress trying to wrap my arms around all of them at the same time, the boys walk-in the room looking at us as if we were crazy to be in this position on the bed before we answer their odd stares at us, we are talking about how strong brave I was.
Penelope smiles brightly at me "you are an amazingly gorgeous girl and you should be able to show your scars to the world courageously to tell them your story".
Cynthia added, "your scars tell the last battle that you've been through and no matter what any stupid person says we will always be here for you".
The boy's notice me giving them raised an eyebrow as they were all looking at us girls with cocky arrogant smirks on their faces like they just win a jackpot when they saw in a group hug except for one since his powerful gazes were on the whole like he won something very priceless that couldn't be bought with money or fame.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked him, in bewilderment.
As I waited for his answer I looked down towards the ground in interest twirling my hair between my fingers counting to three slowly in my mind and humming softly to myself a song that I have been working on yesterday evening staying up late to finish it off. I feel eh when I noticed that everyone else was pretending not to listen in to our conversations nevertheless I knew that they were actually listening to our talks about anything really.
He began to talk and mouthed the words "you are too good darn stunningly beautiful and you should embrace your flaws because that is what makes you perfect to me."
Nodding my head acknowledging his words still not believing that it was true because I got cheated on by my ex-boyfriend as well as almost dying in a car accident causing me to have scars on my lower back even though I covered them using makeup to hide it.
"Thank you but it is not that easy to believe those words that you said to me," I told him, sadly.
The whole room went silent as he stormed out of the room angrily not knowing what to think about me finding it difficult to believe his words and clearing his head as everything resume back to normal afterwards I was the only one who thinks everyone else in the room was trying to hide their shocks seeing him walking out of the room.
Maybe it will be for the best if I check up on him later?
The rest of the day I didn't see him again taking it as a sign that he must have left his house so I have been busy helping my sister get ready for her school since she starts the term tomorrow morning by going through her outfit choices for her to look her best.
