~𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕟𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕖~

Dinner.

Demi pov:

"Oh my god." I muttered under my breath, she didn't want me protecting her, that's what she wanted to tell me. Why couldn't she. Did they not trust me? I needed to know more, but first we were gonna have a meal and they weren't going to purge it.

Sydney pov:

We were brought to our table and within a few moments of sitting down a waiter came over to ask about our starters.  "Could I have the garlic prawns please and..." demi's voice faded from me as the ringing in my ears grew, she knew something and I didn't like it. "Syd!" The ringing stopped and I looked at her, analysing the worried expression on her face "...I'll have the steamed dumplings please." I turned to the waitress "drinks?" Demi looked at the waitress "just two cokes please, not planning on getting drunk tonight" the waitress wrote everything down before leaving, that's when the ringing started again. I couldn't take it anymore, I stood up so suddenly that it made demi flinch "where are you going?" I looked at her "bathroom" I said shooting her a quick smile and leaving. I burst through the bathroom and held on to the sink, I opened my bag and looked at the orange bottle of anxiety meds, in big bold writing read take no more than two every 5 hours. Only take if needed. My heart pounded and I felt like everything was so much louder than usual. I opened the bottle, 1 pill, swallowed, 2 pills, swallowed. I contemplated taking a third but stopped when demi popped round the colour "foods ready. Syd you okay?" I didn't know how much she saw but she knew something was off. Her arms wrapped around me and she saw the Bottle of meds in my bag "we don't have to stay-" I shook my head "it's fine, I'll be okay" I pulled away from her and she left me in the bathroom. I joined her after a few minutes and the food was delicious, she always said she wanted the best for me but Jesus it was amazing.

The more I ate however, the more sick I felt, the more I thought people were looking, the more I wanted to force myself to throw up everything. After our 3 course meal demi went to start the car up while I went to the bathroom, she knew why i wanted to go so she took my bag to the car so I couldn't use breathmints to mask myself purging. Instead of doing that I took a moment to compose myself, get rid of the thoughts that swarmed my head. It was hard, but I got there eventually, then I made my way to the car, I was ready to go home and I was planning on avoiding the question that she wanted me to answer, I didn't want to admit that I couldn't express myself, to anyone.

We got home and I headed straight to the bathroom and took my makeup off, when I returned to the bedroom demi had situated herself on the bed, I began get changed and then she said it "So you gonna tell me why you don't say anything about your feelings to me or-" I looked at her and headed to the kitchen, sitting on the counter."it's not fair Syd. I've told you everything. And you don't say a thing. It takes two minutes to say how you feel" "No. it doesn't." "So, what. You don't trust me. You don't think you can tell me anything!" "It's not that.." "then what is it Sydney!" "You can't handle this! You have no idea who I am" "i dont believe you! I'm holding my hand out to you and you're refusing to take it!" "It's because the only person I could ever open up to without any judgement is dead demi!" She choked on her words and fell silent allowing me to open up a little.

"You really want to know?" She nodded her head at me. "I'm not... who you think I am. I'm an awful partner. 2 years ago, my dad died, a month later, I was being dragged to a mental health hospital. I tried to throw myself off a roof. I stayed in that hospital for 6 months. That entire time my ex was cheating on me but you know what, I had convinced myself that if I held on to him, he'd love me like he used to. I stayed with him for another year and a half before snapping. He was always coming home, messy uniform, smudged lipstick on his face, hickeys on his neck. And then I did something that could have gotten me arrested. I attacked him. And it was the best thing that had happened in that relationship in the span of 3 years.  You have scars, you know how it feels to have that burning sensation of the blade breaking skin, but you healed from it. I didn't. I can't. I don't know how... I love you. And I'm not gonna stop you from leaving if that's what you want." She took a moment before standing up "I need a moment..." I nodded, understanding that she needed space but it still hurt me, a few tears running down my face, my face turning red and puffy.

She came back after 5 minutes, I half expected her to drop a bag of my things at my feet but she didn't. "Look... If you can promise me to at least try to open up a little more, I promise to always listen, and to always make sure that you're in a comfortable position. I love you and I'm not gonna give up protecting you unless you really want me to." She said, cupping my face in her hands, wiping the tears from my cheeks with her thumb "I'll try... promises are so sacred to me and I don't make promises if I know I can't keep them. But I can promise you this, I'll tell you if I'm uncomfortable and I can promise you that I'm never going to stop loving you, no matter what. You've accepted who I am even though you know how horrible I have been in the past, the only other person who had ever done that was my dad." She pulled me closer and kissed me softly "that's all I needed to hear" she said before kissing me again, lifting me off of the counter and carrying me to bed. She still had some questions so we cuddled up to eachother and she asked, I answered until we fell asleep.