Roomies ✔

38 - Guilt and Love

Jamie was curled up on the couch, holding a rainbow-colored pillow in her arms. Her eyes were red from crying. The Big Bang Theory was on screen and although that normally put a smile on her face, it was nowhere to be seen now.

Juice felt horribly guilty.

How long would this last?

He himself had never experienced this. Yeah, he had felt crappy when he realized his feelings for Jamie, knowing she wasn't reciprocating them, but that was very different from walking into your boyfriend's room and finding him on top of someone else.

It was an image that would never leave her mind, that would perhaps be an obstacle in any future relationship she would have. And if his story ever got out, she would also lose her trust in him. Maybe even for good.

He could not let that happen. He owed Esai nothing. Jamie, on the other hand...

He sat down next to her on the couch and put a hand on her ankle. "I have something to tell you. Something I'm fucking ashamed of, but if I keep it to myself any longer I'm going to be much more ashamed."

Blankly, she stared at him. It was as if his words didn't even get through to her.

"Esai called me, earlier today."

Hearing his name was enough to make her eyes teary. Juice found it hard to watch, yet he forced himself to keep looking at her face.

"He wanted me to persuade you to come over. Because... He wanted you to see this."

Jamie slowly sat up now, her eyes large with disbelief. She clutched the pillow against her stomach as if she was in pain. "W-what?

"Yes." Juice heaved a sigh and lowered his eyes. "He did it for your safety. You could have already been hurt in the shooting at his house... and it didn't scare you off. He's afraid of losing you and believed you wouldn't back off yourself. That's why... that's why he did this. So that you would stay away and not be in danger."

Jamie heaved a long sigh and rubbed her face. "Who does something like that?"

Awkwardly, Juice shrugged. He hadn't exactly been making the smartest choices lately, either. "I don't know," he muttered. "I guess... sometimes one can do crazy things when someone you care about is in danger."

In all honesty, Juice had to confess that he had no idea what he would have done in Esai's situation. "Sorry I went along with it. It was selfish and it didn't feel right in the end. I needed to tell you the truth."

The doorbell rang.

From Jamie's face, he couldn't tell what she thought of him now; the joy was - logically - still nowhere to be seen.

I did the right thing, he reminded himself. Finally.

He got up and walked to the front door. His brothers usually called him when they needed him, so he was just expecting a package delivery guy.

In any case, not Esai.

The man threw him a brief glance. "I need to talk to Jamie."

. . .

With one shoulder, Jamie leaned against the doorframe. Esai swallowed as the marks of her grief were evident on her face. She had wrapped her arms protectively around herself.

"Juice has already told me. That it was your intention to chase me away. Though I don't see what the point is now that you're here on the doorstep anyway."

He had never seen Jamie bitter before. She had every right to be, of course, yet it felt like a punch in the gut.

"I just wanted you to be safe," he said softly. "But I just talked to my mom... And she said she'd never give up on Dad, no matter the dangers. And that women are more resilient than what I gave you credit for." Uncomfortably, he rubbed his neck. "I understand if you don't forgive me. But I still wanted you to know why I did it. Not... because I was bored with you. I love you, Jamie. I've never had a girlfriend who I really loved, and fuck, it messes with my head."

She stared at him, with those big innocent eyes of hers. Then she gave him a hug.

"It will take time to forgive you," she murmured against his shoulder. "But I don't want to lose you. I love you, too."

The End

A/N:

I've ended this story a little earlier than I intended. It's been several years since I started this fanfic and I've outgrown fandom by now. Still, I wanted to wrap it up a bit.

Not all of the storylines have been worked out. I wanted Jamie to find out the meaning of the tattoo showing the location of a Mayan temple. She had found a drawing of this in her uncle's study, thought it was cool and got it tattooed. The original sketch had disappeared, leaving Jamie's tattoo as the only clue.

Jamie, Esai and Juice would go searching for it, followed by the criminals that Roman is afraid of; their aunt was killed by them in the search for the sketch/tattoo.

I wanted a few cool adventure scenes and in the end Juice would give his life to save Jamie. Either way, I don't think I would have gotten back to Juice/Jamie. Originally, that was my intention, but sometimes the story takes a different path than you have in mind.

Thanks for reading this story. I have a number of other (completed) Juice fanfics, so feel free to check those out. (:

Love,

Natas