Hotch and Emily

"Self Harm"

"$150?" The tall man questions. His fierce blue eyes stare down at her.
"That's all I have on me." Emily replies as she looks down, ashamed of herself. She starts to regret asking, but she needs to feel again. Since her capture she felt dead, and she didn't like that empty feeling.
"Here." The muscular man says as he sneakily gives her a small bag of coke.
Emily puts the plastic bag of drugs in the inside of her sweater and nods. She then tries to walk away, thinking that their buisness is now over.
The man grabs her arm, tightly, stopping her from moving any further. "Don't be mentioning me you hear?" His face wears a serious expression "Okay." Emily responds more sternly, trying to get out of his grasp.
The man let's go of her arm. Emily let's herself relax a little. Good thing he didn't try anything.
"You can take a quick snort over there by the abandon bathrooms. The cops don't cross there. You will be fine." The man informs as he flashes a smile.
Emily just looks down and nods.
She hesitates before she listens to his advice. She wants to feel alive. She wants to feel, full. That full feeling she once had but no longer obtains.

Before she knew it, she was in front of the abandon bathrooms. The air smells contaminated with feces and stale urine. She could feel the vile coming up out of her stomach making its way to the very bottom of her throat. She manages to hold it down. She takes a deep breath through her nose and enters the bathroom. She opens one of the squeaky doors from the many stalls, then quickly closes it behind her. She searches for the bag of drugs in her pocket. Her hands go over a small bump, which immediately relaxes her.
Her fingers fiddles with the bag as she pulls it out. She never took any drugs before. Except maybe one time in highschool, but that was just Marijuana. This was way different.
It shouldn't be that bad, she seen Ian Doyle do it all the time. "All you do is.." Emily thinks out loud to herself. Pulling open the bag, she lays the white powder on the rusty toilet paper holder. Emily lowers her face, so her nose is close enouph to inhale it. She moves her dangling hair out of face.
She starts thinking of reid, the time he got addicted to dilaudid. He seaked all of their help. In the end, he had to end it. He had to stop his addiction. Emily opens her eyes and looks down at the coke. Her mind drifts off to Hotch. How would the love of her life be affected by this? She wouldn't be able to control her actions. She raises her head away from the harmful drug.

"What the fuck am I thinking?" She whispers to herself as she plops on the dirty floor. This will also hurt them.

She picks up the drugs and dumps it down the non-functional toilet. A tear falls down her face. Then another. Pretty soon she is balling on the floor of an abandon bathroom. Her vision is blurred by the tears lining her eyes. She looks down at her watch. It's 10:00 am. Hotch will be looking for her. She slowly gets up, exiting the filth ridden stall. She looks into the cracked mirror and wipes her face with her sweater sleeve. It doesn't help one bit. Her eyes are puffy and red, her nose is pink around the nostrils, and her hair is tangled. She runs her shaky fingers through her hair, trying her best to look as if she didn't break down. She finally gives up with that resolution and ties her hair up in a messy bun. She runs her hands down her hips, trying to make herself more presentable. She finally exits the bathroom, hoping that her face will calm down on the walk back.
XXX
Emily arrives at the front step of the house. It is 10:45. She said she'd be only be an hour, that she'd be back before breakfest. That was a lie. She takes a deep breath as she enters her home. She tries to enter quietly, but Hotch notices anyways. "Babe? Are you ok?" He asks, noticing the small puffiness around her eyes. It died down but it was still evident that she'd been crying.
Emily opens her mouth, but only lies come out. "Yeah. I'm fine. It's just the cold, it makes me puffy. I was sneezing all the way here."
Hotch looks at her then out the window. He slowly walks up to her, putting both hands on each of her shoulders. "You know I love you right?"
Emily looks deep into his eyes. "You know that I love you more?" She says back as she holds back the tears.
He brings her into a hug. A tight one. "Impossible." Hotch responds.
She immediately thinks it was a stupid decision to buy those harmful drugs. She has all she needs right here. She just has to open her eyes.
XXX
It's ten at night. Emily is emotionally exausted. She decides to jump in the shower. She hasn't bathed in days, and she smells of body odor and dirt. She turns the water on. Cold water shoots out of the faucet. Emily undresses, waiting for the cold water to turn to her liking.
The mirror is huge, causing Emily to look at her nude body. The bruises on her wrists are fading but not gone yet. It's a yellow-green color, almost looking like a ring of yellow fire around her wrists. Emily then looks down at her breasts. Her left one has a scar across it where the man tore into her flesh. She then turns her attention to the scar on her thigh. It's not fully healed yet. She runs the tip of her fingers around the huge bump on her skin. These scars were never going away. Each time she looks in the mirror, she will be reminded that she killed her baby.
The room fills with steam. Emily steps into the shower, letting the hot water hit her skin. The dirt washes off of her upper body and trickles down to her feet, making its way down the drain. She runs her hands over her face, trying to keep calm.
After she's done, she walks out the shower, wrapping a towel around her body. She heads for her room to get dressed. Her hands dig through her underwear drawer. She puts on some black laced underwear, then pulls a big shirt on over it. Her hair is still wet, causing her blue shirt to have water spots down the back. She finds her way under the covers in just a matter of seconds. The thick blankets warm her shivering body. She exhales at the sudden change to her body temperature. Her wet hair soaks the pillow case, making Emily a little uncomfortable. Not long after, Hotch slides in next to her. He turns over on his side so he can see Emily's face. His glossy eyes stare into hers.
"Baby? You know you can tell me anything." Hotch says with worry.
"Baby. I'm fine." Emily says.
"Are you sure? This morning when you got home you showed signs of crying. You know you can cry on me right?."
Emily smiles at his offer. She knows she can weep into his chest, but she doesn't want to. He shouldn't have to see her like this.
"I know." Emily says with teary eyes. Her voice hides her tears. Good thing it is dark so Hotch can't see the tears roll down her cheaks. He reaches for her hand and squeezes it. This time Emily pulls herself into Hotch. She leans in, kissing his lips gently. Hotch slides his arm around her back, returning her delicate kiss. They haven't kissed since the incident. Emily kisses more deeply every few minutes. They escalate to tounges. They both feel high off of eachothers touch. Emily pulls up Hotches shirt, slowly. Hotch then starts taking Emily's oversized T-shirt off. She is in nothing but her black laced underwear. Hotch pulls back and asks with the most caring voice, "Are you sure?"
Emily looks into his eyes and nods. "Yes. I need to forget. I'm going crazy without your sex."
Hotch reaches into his nightstand and pulls out a condom, just to be safe. It's too early to take those chances again. They just lost their baby, they can't just have a new one right after. She pulls back, letting him put the condom on. Once he's done, he looks up and kisses her lips then slowly trail down her neck. Emily rolls her head back and moans. She looks into his eyes and leans in for another kiss. He slowly gets on top of her. She can feel his hardness against her thigh, causing her breathing to become faster.

He moves her underwear out of the way, sliding his fingers into her womanhood. Emily moans in satisfaction. He then slides into her, moving his hands onto her waist to get the right position. "Hotch." Emily moans.
Hotch looks deep into her eyes as he strokes. He loves Emily. Everything about her makes him crazy in love.
Emily wraps her legs around him as he pumps faster. They climax in unison as Hotch lays back down by Emily's side, panting. He pulls her in close, embracing her exausted body. " You know I love you right?" He asks.
"You know that I love you more?" Emily responds.
"Impossible." Hotch concludes.
She smiles. Something is different in her. She doesn't feel empty anymore. Just for those forty five minutes of them making love, she feels full again. She hugs Hotch tighter, trying to hang onto this moment. She isnt sure how long it will last, until the emptiness creeps up on her again.
She drifts off to sleep, loving the feeling of happiness.
A/N
Hey guys! I hope you liked this chapter! Please tell me what you think and leave a vote please! Thanks for reading.
P.S sorry my writing is so sexual...