Love isn't Real

.1.

Walking to the table I was assigned was like all the rest I've had to do for most of my life. They all just stare at my body, touching me without my consent, hitting me, yelling at me just like my father does. The two glasses of alcohol I have in my shaking hands almost spill on me like always. I gulp stopping at the table where two men sit, one smokes a cigarette while the other looks at the menu. I set the first glass down in front of the guy smoking the cigarette then go to put the other down but my hand shakes again and I spill it all over to table some even getting on the other man. My heart drops and all color drains from my face as I look up with wide eyes at the man.

"I- I'm s-sorry s-sir I didn't m-mean to-" He grabs my neck squeezing tightly and I gasp my eyes watering. "Dumb slut, you ruined my clothes" He sneers squeezing my neck again blocking all air so I can't breath. This always happens, why can't my hands stop shaking? Why can't I be good and make father proud of me. Why are all these men so abusive and mean to me? I can't breathe, everything starts turning and my eyes droop but he lets go and I gasp backing up a little. I place one of my hands on my neck gently. "Go get me a new drink!" He barked loudly.

I quickly clean up the liquid I spilled then went back and got him another drink without spilling it. Then they order and when there food comes out I set it in front of them. "E-Enjoy" I mumble not looking at them. I walk away almost getting to the back when my father steps in front of me stopping me from walking any further. He has his normal glare on his face when looking at me and his arms are crossed. "Someone else just came in and he's at one of your tables Declan. He is a very important man so don't make a fool out of me" He seethes gritting his teeth.

I nod, "yes father" I say softly. I turn around and walk back out to the tables to see a man sitting by himself at one of my tables. I walk over and stop once I'm at him table, I glance up at him to get a look of him. He has black hair which is pushed out of his face, brown eyes, broad shoulders and sharp features. "H-Hello what can I get you to drink" I murmur looking back down at the floor. Most customers can't hear me so I get yelled at but my voice can't go any higher, I'm too scared of what they might think, they might think I'm yelling at them and that won't end well for me.

"I'm sorry please speak up" His smooth voice makes me chew on my bottom lip. "What would you l-like to d-drink" I asked again. "Water is fine" He answers. I nod then turn to walk away when he starts talking. "What's your name?" I stopped glancing at him again. "Declan" I murmur then walk away to get him a glass a water. I pass by other tables keeping my head down but I know they are all looking at me. Most people pick what server they want and a lot want me, I don't know why. I get to the back and grab a glass cup filling it with ice and water. "Declan can you take one of my tables?" No, I don't want to. "Y-yeah sure" I turn away walking out back to the table setting the glass of water in front of the man.

"Thank you" He says smiling up at me. I haven't heard those words in a long time. I honestly can't remember someone saying those words to me. Nice words, words that make you feel good about yourself, words that lift a person up instead of putting them down. Along with a smile, no one's ever given me a real smile or a nice smile before. I shake my head, no, know one likes you, they like your body and that's it. "Are you ready to order" I questioned softly. "I actually have a question" He answered and I gulp. What kind of question? I'm not allowed to answer if it's personal or about my father.

"Does the salad come with ranch on top or on the side?" He asked looking up at me again. I close my eyes relieved he didn't ask anything personal like others do. "On the side, so you can pour it on top, sir" I murmur chewing on my bottom lip. He nods then closes the menu. "The salad please" I nod my head grabbing his menu when I go to pull away he grabs my wrist and I stiffen. "You are shaking a lot" He said looking at my shaking hand that holds the menu. I can't say anything, they have the right to touch me however they please and I have no say. It's what they all do, use me like a toy.

It is why most of the men come here. Just to touch me and it makes me uncomfortable but like I said I can't do anything about it. "Where they hell is that slut" My head snaps up and I look over to my other table. I pull my wrist away, "your food will b-be out s-soon" I quickly said then walked over to my other table. The one that was smoking early grabbed my waist pulling me onto his lap. My breath hitches as he runs his hands further down. "Get us the bill, sweetheart" He murmured placing a kiss on my shoulder. "Y-yes" My heart was pounding. Please don't do anything, please. But nothing ever goes my way. He grabs my neck roughly and whispers in my ear, "But before you do that let's have some fun, Hm?" I take a shaky breath and ball my hands.

He pushes his chair back and pushes me off of his lap onto the floor and I wince at the pain. "Go on" He smirks looking down at me. I don't want too. The man grips my chin yanking my head up so I look at him. "Don't make me make you" He sneers. He lets go of my chin and I rest on my knees. I undo his pants with my shaking hands until his hard member springs out and I close my eyes taking a deep breath. Just keep them closed and get it over with. I feel one of his hands grab a handful of my hair pushing me down. I open my mouth and I lower my head but he pushes my head down and his length hits the back of my throat making my gag and choke.

My eyes water and I whimper. Maybe if I get through today with no problems other then the drink I spilled, father will celebrate my 18th birthday tomorrow. Maybe I can take the day off and paint, I haven't been able to paint it a few years. After awhile he comes and I am forced to swallow. I quickly get up and rush into the employee bathroom, I get into a stall drop to my knees and throw up. It tastes so bad, I hate it so much.

A choked sod escapes my mouth. I flush the toilet then walk out to the sink, I quickly wash my mouth and hands, then wash my mouth out with some water. I keep my head lowered so I don't look at myself in the mirror. I'm ugly. I take a deep breath then walk out of the bathroom grabbing the bill for the men and the other guy's salad. I set the bill down on the table then walk to the other table setting the salad down in front of him. "Is there anything else you'd l-like" I ask meekly. I glance up at him to see him staring at me with a worried look. "Do they all treat you like that?" He asked blankly.

I look down and nod my head rubbing my arm softly. I stiffen when someone grabs my butt squeezing making me whimper. "See you soon sweetheart" The voice was right next to my ear and it takes everything in me not to cry. I want to cry, to run away and be free. Then the hand leaves and I turn away so I can take care of that table I took over for someone.

I deserve this life, I deserve this pain, I deserve the rudeness and meanness. I don't deserve to have a job or a roof over my head, I'm useless. I'm a freak and I'm ugly. And no one will ever love me.