Love isn't Real

.16.

"Declan" I hear my name whispered right next to my ear. I snuggle more into the soft mattress below me. I feel a small weight on my hip then I get shook. "Baby, wake up" I hear again. I whine nuzzling my face into my pillow not wanting to wake up. "Love, your appointment with the therapist is in a few minutes. You need to wake up" I feel my ear get a soft kiss. My heart sinks hearing what he just said. I don't want to go, I don't want to talk about what happened and I don't want Anthony to not like me anymore. Another thing is, I haven't told him that I'm not actually a virgin. That's the whole reason he bought me in the first place. I don't want him to get rid of me. The thought makes my stomach turn and I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"Come one Declan" My eyes flutter open to be met with a beautiful sight. Anthony leans over me, his chest on full display which I admire because I can. Anthony smirks leaning closer to my face. "Good morning sleepy head" He murmurs brushing his lips against mine. I lift my head and press our lips together. Anthony kisses me back slipping his tongue into my mouth. I wrap my arms around his neck to bring him closer. Anthony pulls back which makes me frown. "Come on, you're appointment is in a few minutes. You need to get dressed and eat something before we leave" He said standing up and stretching his arms.

I pull the blanket up over my head to hide. "I'm scared" I say honestly. I feel the bed dip letting me know Anthony sat on the bed. "That's normal baby and I will be right in the waiting room. If you need me tell her and she will come and get me, okay?" He said. I sigh and pull the cover off of me. "Promise" He looked at me with a smile. "I promise" He said quickly pecking my lips.

I reluctantly get up and shuffle out of Anthony's room and into mine. I take a shower then change into new briefs, a pair of light blue ripped jeans and black shirt on. I walk out of my room, down the stairs and to the kitchen island where Anthony sits. I sit next to him and a plate of pancakes gets set in front of me. I smile and dig in. Anthony starts eating as well.

After we eat we get into the car and head to my appointment. I snuggle into Anthony's side my anxiety through the roof. Anthony rubs my side gently. The car stops and I freeze, Anthony lifts my chin pressing his lips to mine kissing my deeply. It was a short kiss and my nerves calmed down a little. "Let's go" He says getting out of the car. My door opens and he offers his hand which I take.

We walk in and I already want to leave. It's so white and smells like a hospital. I clutch Anthony's hand and stay close to his side as he talks with the lady at the desk. After a few minutes of him talking to her we sit and wait which makes me more nervous. Soon a women in a clean grey suit walks up to us with a nice smile. Her auburn hair in a tight bun, she has on glasses. Her green eyes hold warmth. She stops at us with a kind smile. "Anthony, it's been awhile" She says. "Good to see you Jessica" Anthony says standing up which I do as well. "I was surprised when I saw you booked an appointment, last we talked you seemed a lot better" She said giving a warm smile. Anthony chuckles, "I still am. I'm not here for myself" He said rubbing my back softly.

Jessica looked at me her eyes holding mine and I snuggle further into Anthony's side. "And who is this cutie?" She asked. "This is Declan my boyfriend" Jessica smiled at me and held out her hand for me to shake. I swallow then grab her hand quickly shaking it then pulling away. She gives me a soft smile. "It's nice to meet you Declan" She turns back to Anthony. "Will you be joining us?" She asked and Anthony shook his head no. I don't want him to leave but at the same time I don't want him to hear what happened to me. "Alright then, Declan, follow me this way" She said starting to walk. I reluctantly let go of Anthony and follow only looking back to see Anthony give me a smile.

Once in the room she lead me into it looked almost like a living room except with a desk and a floor to ceiling window. "Take a seat and we can get started" She said motioning towards the white leather couch. I sit on the edge of the couch then look around the room. I see a picture of Jessica and a little girl smiling. Jessica sits across from me crossing her legs and placing a notepad on her thigh. "Okay, Declan, we don't have to get into anything serious for our first session but if you want we can. If you want to continue to meet then we can set up a weekly appointments" I nod my head in understanding.

"Tell me a little be bit about yourself" She said. I fidget in my spot for a little. "Uhm, I like to paint" I mumble. Jessica nods her head, "what do you like to paint?" She asked. "Well I paint Anthony sometimes and other times I paint things that I see and really like" I explain. "Anthony got be back into painting. My f-father took away all of my painting supplies when I accidentally spilled water on his papers" I watch as Jessica quickly writes something down then looks back up at me. "He didn't give them back?" She asked. I shake my head no. "Did your father always take things from you?" I swallow and shift in my seat. "I really didn't have much for him to take. Mainly just my painting supplies. And not always, when my mom was around he was a lot nicer" I say looking at her. She sets down her notepad. "What do you mean?"

"My mom died years ago and after she did he was different. At first he would just drink and stay in his room b-but then h-he would- would come into m-my room and-" I stop and squeeze my eyes shut to get rid of the memory. I don't want to remember it, I don't want to tell anyone what happened. "Breath Declan. Take a deep breath" I hear Jessica say. I do as she says and take a deep breath to try and calm myself down. "I want Anthony" I mumble bringing my knees to my chest and hiding my face. "Okay, let me go get him" She says. I hear the click of her heels go and then come back. I feel the space next to me and immediately latch onto Anthony. He wraps an arm around me as I hide my face in his side.

"It's okay. He can't hurt you" I hear Anthony murmur in my ear. I know it's true. I know my father can't hurt me anymore. I know no know one can hurt me because I have Anthony. I trust Anthony. "If it's too much we can leave" He said. I shake my head no, I need to tell someone about this. I know it will help.

I sit up and wipe my face with my hands. "I'm not a virgin" I mumble. Everything goes quiet. I look at Jessica who nods her head for me to continue. I look at Anthony who looks down at me in shock. "My father lied. When I was y-younger he w-would come into m-my room and touch me" I admit not looking away from Anthony. He stares at me and I see anger in his eyes. Tears pour down my face. He probably thinks I'm disgusting. That I'm gross and he should've never bought me. I'm going to loose him. A sob escapes my mouth at the thought of being alone again. I'll have to go back to the restaurant...

I grip his shirt, "please don't take me back! I don't want to go back to that place!" I sob. Anthony grabs me and pulls me onto his lap rocking back and forth to calm me. "I'm not taking you to that place Declan. I'm not mad at you or that your not a virgin. I'm mad at the asshole of a father" He says calmly into my ear. I wrap my arms around him crying on his shoulder. His arms tighten around me telling me I'm safe.

"I would like to set up weekly appointments. I know it can be hard to talk about things that happen but I feel as though it would really help him" I hear Jessica say softly to Anthony. He rubs my back softly, "Is that okay with you, Love?" He asked pressing a kiss to my temple. I nod my head. I know it will be good for me, it will just take a little bit to know that I can share things with Jessica. She seems really nice and patient. "Let's set them up and thank you Jessica" Anthony says standing up carrying me. I cling to him like a koala, not wanting to let go.

"Let's go home love, we can relax the rest of the day and I will get Jim to make your favorite dinner" He murmurs in my ear beginning to walk. I don't say anything and just keep clinging to him like my life depends on it.