His Ephemeral Signs

Chapter 01

01 : Talk

JULIAN

Pagkatapos ibalik ang mga libro sa silid-aklatan, I decided to head home. Wala naman na akong pupuntahan, and the thought of staying out didn’t feel right today. The weight of everything pressed on my shoulders, dragging me towards the one place I both wanted and dreaded—home.

It was around four in the afternoon nang makarating ako sa bahay. Pagpasok ko pa lang, I was greeted by the familiar mess in the living room. Scattered bottles on the table, crumpled wrappers on the floor—signs of a day that had gone downhill, again.

I set my bag down quietly, the heaviness in my chest growing as I moved through the room. Kinuha ko ang mga bote at isa-isa kong ibinaba iyon sa lamesa. Then, I picked up the wrappers, their crinkling the only sound filling the silence. Pagkatapos ay kumuha ako ng basahan mula sa kusina at sinimulang punasan ang mga natapong alak sa lamesa.

As I was about to pick up the remaining bottles on the floor, the door to my parents' room creaked open. Tumambad ang aking ama—shirtless, disheveled, the scent of alcohol hanging in the air. His eyes landed on me, and for a brief moment, I hoped he wouldn’t say anything.

But hope is often a luxury I can’t afford.

“Tinitingin mo?!” His voice slurred, and before I could react, he was already towering over me, his glare sharp and unforgiving.

“Tabi!” He shoved me to the side without hesitation. My body staggered, but I didn’t say a word. I had learned to remain silent in moments like these.

I watched as he rummaged through the bottles, finding one with a few sips left. Without a second thought, he downed it, the alcohol staining his lips. Then, as if nothing had happened, he turned and disappeared back into their room, slamming the door shut behind him. The sound echoed through the house, but I didn’t flinch.

Sanay na kasi ako. This wasn’t new.

I bent down, collecting the bottles that had rolled to the floor. Muli akong bumalik sa ginagawa ko, hoping the act of cleaning would drown out the thoughts racing through my mind.

He wasn’t himself today... or maybe, this is who he is when things get too much. Kapag wala sa ayos ang trabaho niya o kapag nag-aaway sila ni mama, it’s always the same scene. Alak, galit, at tahimik na bangayan sa likod ng pinto.

I never knew what triggered their fights, nor did I ask. Alam ko namang hindi rin ako makakatulong kaya mas mabuting manahimik na lang. The last thing I needed was to get involved in their problems. Bata pa raw ako, wala akong alam. At madalas, parang pabigat lang ako sa kanila.

I’ve heard it before. Felt it in the way they looked at me, the way their words danced around the truth. And maybe it’s true—maybe I’m just another problem they don’t need. Kaya nga ako nagpupursigi sa pag-aaral, hoping one day, when I finally graduate, I won’t be another burden to them.

Napahinto ako. I found myself gripping the edge of the table, the weight of everything suddenly overwhelming. It was easier to distract myself, to bury these feelings beneath the routine. Pero hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip.

If I have time to dwell on him, then I should be using that time to focus on my studies. Wala akong karapatan maging ilusyonado. Besides, paano ako mangangarap tungkol kay Damien King kung hanggang ngayon, I still can’t come out to my own parents?