04 : Someone
JULIAN
Days blurred into weeks, and the growing space between me and Damien felt heavier with each passing day. What once felt like shared silences, filled with comfort and understanding, were now replaced with this uneasy quiet, like we were both waiting for something to break.
Minsan, naalala ko yung mga oras na kahit walang usapan, okay lang—just being around each other was enough. But now, each moment felt like it was stretching too thin, as if every second of silence between us only made the gap harder to close.
After that day following their basketball practice, Damien tried to reach out. He was still trying, alam ko. Sometimes, I could see him in me peripheral vision, moving in my direction with that same familiar expression—hope mixed with uncertainty. But I had learned to avoid him. Avoidance had become my defense. So instead of facing him, I'd pretend to be preoccupied, always finding some excuse to slip away. Lagi akong may dahilan, whether it was a class I had to run to or a conversation I didn't actually need to be part of.
He'd approach me, hesitant but determined, and I'd watch as his steps slowed every time I put more distance between us. Na parang hinahayaan ko lang siyang malito, na hindi na niya alam kung dapat ba siyang lumapit o hindi. It was cruel in a way, but I couldn't stop. The weight of what I wasn't saying felt too much, and it was easier to run than to face him head-on. Palaging may paraan para umiwas.
Damien wasn't blind. Alam kong napapansin niya ang ginagawa ko. The way his shoulders would slump just a little, or how his gaze would falter, told me he understood more than I was willing to admit. I could see the flicker of something—hurt? frustration? maybe disappointment—each time our eyes met, only for him to quickly mask it with a resigned smile. Pero sa kabila ng lahat, he still tried. Even though my actions said otherwise, he continued to make the effort.
But then eventually... he stopped. Kalaunan ay tumigil na siya. Our small conversations... if you could even call them that, dwindled to nothing.
And just like that, the space between us grew larger.
Although one afternoon, he showed up again, hands stuffed in his pockets, trying to act like everything was normal. For a moment, I stood frozen, excuses slipping through my fingers like sand. I looked at him, the tension in my chest tightening like a vice, making it hard to breathe.
"Hey," Damien said softly, his voice almost unsure. "Sorry, I didn't get to walk with you the other day... biglang inaya ako ng mga tropa. I didn't mean to ditch you."
I forced a small smile.
"No big deal," I lied, though we both knew it wasn't true. It had become too easy to lie, too easy to pretend like it didn't hurt my feelings.
Matapos sumagot ay sandaling pinagmasdan niya ako, as if looking for the truth beneath the mask I wore.
"Do you... wanna hang out later?" he asked, his voice hopeful but hesitant.
I shook my head, my response sharper than I intended. "May gagawin ako," I lied again, feeling the weight settle in my chest. I didn't have any plans. Wala naman talaga akong balak gawin. I just didn't want to deal with the mess of emotions between us. There was too much unsaid, too many things I didn't want to confront.
The silence that followed was suffocating. Damien just stood there, absorbing the rejection, his shoulders sagging slightly like he had expected it. He nodded, accepting it without a word. And just like that, he turned and walked away.
I watched him leave, the weight of the moment pressing down on me. It felt like something between us had ended, though I couldn't pinpoint what. Siguro... hindi lang talaga kami dapat magkasama. Maybe I was pushing him away because facing the truth was harder than letting things fade.
