[3] how did we end up here ;; nh

20 » Turning 29th in the Rain

New York City, New York, United States of America, 12th September 2022

"So friends don't cuddle?"

"No."

"And friends don't hug each other?"

"Well in several occasions yes."

"Like on bed?"

"No."

"So what kind of occasion?"

"Do you really want to specify everything?"

"I think so."

"Okay."

"So I can't hug you on the bed?"

"No, you can't."

"Can we sleep on the same bed?"

"Not anymore."

"So what if I want to stay here tonight?"

"You can sleep on the couch."

"That's hella rude, fuck it."

"Well then, you could've slept on the bed with your one night stand. What's her name again? Oh I forgot that you don't even know her name."

Niall tertawa nyaring banget ketika mendengar gue ngedumel soal one night stand itu. Sekarang kita masih duduk di sofa dengan gue yang masih berusaha untuk memaafkan Niall yang gak jelas ini. Duh, gue terdengar bener-bener seperti pacarnya yang tiba-tiba diselingkuhin. Satu jam di sini, gue kira kita bakal ngomongin hal yang serius. Gue kira pembicaran ini akan pecah dengan suara riuh tangis yang keluar dari gue. Ternyata enggak. "Ave, you know you're jealous, don't you?" kali ini Niall menyeringai sambil melihat gue.

Gue memutarkan bola mata gue. "No," jawab gue dengan cepat. "I just hate the fact that you said you've changed, but you haven't, Niall. I thought you were the man of your words."

Setelah itu Niall terdiam beberapa saat. Gue menengok ke arahnya, sambil matanya yang berwarna biru cerah itu menatap gue, sebuah senyuman tipis terukir di wajahnya. Dia terlihat seperti sedang memikirkan sesuatu. Niall menarik napasnya dalam, membuangnya secara perlahan dengan pipinya yang digembungkan sesaat – kemudian bola matanya beralih ke bawah, melihat buku-buku jari tangannya yang sedang ia taruh di paha. "I thought I have," kata Niall. "I was fucked up, you know? I'm sorry to disappoint you."

Jujur, gue enggak enak kalau melihat Niall seperti ini sehingga gue meraih tangannya, menyelipkan jemari-jemari di tangan gue ke genggaman tangannya. Gue tersenyum sebentar. "Well, you're not sorry, though. We are nothing anyway."

Niall mengangguk. "Yeah, friends," katanya. "can we like... upgrade it? Like super mega best friends?"

Gue ketawa. "What's the different?"

"Come on, Avril, you're the future lawyer here. Lawyers are sensitive with terminologies."

Gue memutarkan bola mata gue. "Come on, if it's not my parents then I won't be a lawyer, I hate lawyering."

"But seriously though," kali ini nada Niall menjadi serius. Kali ini, dia menggeser buku-buku cari gue dan membalikannya, kini Niall yang menggenggam tangan gue. "even though I fucked up last night, in fact, for the past year I haven't been with any girl – unless when I was with Anne last January. I stopped jerking off for such a long time, I think, a year is quite a long time to quit a habit."