26 | a conquering of fears over dinner

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PETER PARKER

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PETER PARKER

I really want to have sex with Y/N.
Like, really badly. And every time I try, she ends up stopping me and gives me some sort of reason as to why we can't, or shouldn't, or won't.

She mentioned it the other day actually, that she didn't want to have sex with me straight away because she cared about our relationship. I mean, we aren't in a relationship relationship but I got what she meant. It was funny though, because we'd gone so long without sex, it wasn't particularly on my mind. But then she gave me a taste of what it would be like when she went down on me and everything changed.

I can not stop thinking about sex.

Although I'm subconsciously thinking about sex just as much as I did back in high school, I thankfully have the experience and control of the adult that I am today. And given that I now work at a high school, I'm just relieved that I'm not getting random boners in class like 16 year old Peter Parker did.
Because I would be jailed.

The sexual tension between Y/N and I was beginning to grow again, both of us kind of shifting back to how we acted when we first got to know each other. Except now that we were dating it was a lot more... Difficult. I used to say cheeky comments and she'd say them back and we'd laugh, probably then imagining what it would be like to fuck the other and go 'oh well it won't happen because we are neighbours' and move on with our days.

Now if I say those same comments, and get those same answers, I have to restrain myself from actually acting on them. For example, when we first met I remember her saying something along the lines of, 'what if just got naked right here' jokingly and I replied with 'I would join you' and tension was thick in the air. And you see, back then it was all up to my imagination to go, hm I think Y/N would be so hot naked.

But now, I actually see her naked. In front of me. And I can't do anything about it!

Look, I'm not complaining too much because she's not denying me sexual attention entirely, we've had many a hook up session where both of us finish with a splendid and tremendous orgasm. I just really just want to be inside of her already.

"Hey, can we chat about something real quick?" I asked, walking from my kitchen to the small dining room table holding two bowls of pasta.

She nodded, smiling eagerly as I placed a bowl on the placemat in front of her before sitting down. I'm not the best chef in the world but I have to say I'm silently chuffed with this dinner I've made.

"I just- I don't want to sound disrespectful because obviously I want to move at a pace you're comfortable with but like... Why haven't we had sex yet? We've done everything else but you always stop me from escalating things," I said quietly.

"Oh uh, wow okay we're talking about this over dinner then, okay. What do you mean why?" She deflected.

"Well we talk about doing it, about what we'd y'know... Do to each other and the amount of dirty texts and nude photos we've sent could break the internet. So we are obviously both interested in sex, and neither of us are seeing other people so you know that we are both serious about each other..." I trailed, twirling strands of pasta with my fork.

"I dunno... Maybe we don't really get the time to I guess. I work late, you've been busy at night, it just hasn't happened," she reasoned.

Look, as much as I think that's a bullshit excuse, I know that I have been doing a lot more Spider-Man shit lately. With Venom still on the loose and bodies dropping around the city like flies, every night that goes by without me stopping him is like another blow to the chest. He's out there just teasing me, trying to prove some sort of twisted point that he's winning and I'm losing.

"We see each other multiple times a week... And we have time to do other sexual stuff so why not sex?" I laughed, trying to not make this topic of conversation heavier than it needs to be.

I don't want her to feel like this is the start of an argument or anything. I'm genuinely asking out of curiosity, it's not like I'm going to stop seeing Y/N because she won't sleep with me. I'm just worried there's something bigger underlying. Sex is an important part to a relationship.

"I've just had some bad experiences with men before and don't want to set a precedent between us is all," Y/N shrugged, smiling gently at me.

Hearing her say that just broke my heart. Hearing her say that just now was like I was hearing her heart break in front of me.

"Why would it set a precedent? I'm never, ever going to expect sex from you Y/N. It's a two way street, if you want to and I don't, or if you don't and I do, it won't happen. We both need to say yes," I smiled in reassurance.

Chewing carefully she covered her mouth and nodded, her eyes darting up at me quickly with a quick uneasy smile before looking down at her food. Her shoulders rose, tensing up as she took a shaky breath and sipped- no, gulped down her wine

"In college I was sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend. He would guilt me and gaslight me into sex and I loved him so I'd do it. And if I said no, he'd kind of just, do it until I changed my mind. A-and I haven't officially had a 'boyfriend' since because I was scared that my love for them would blind me to the fact I was being used. It's always just been casual things and friends with benefits since so I- I'm just cautious because you're um, the closest thing to a boyfriend I've had since," She admitted, putting a mouthful of pasta into her mouth and staring down at her bowl.

"Know that I would never force you to do something you didn't want to do Y/N, please trust me when I say that. God, I want to kill your ex-boyfriend after hearing that... I'm sorry it happened," I sighed.

She held my hand over the dining room table, my thumb brushing over hers soothingly. We finished our meal in a comfortable silence, not awkward from the topic we'd discussed, more content and relieved.

"You know, I was sexually assaulted too. I didn't realise until I was a bit older because it happened when I was 9. I used to walk down to the local library all the time and my Aunt May would encourage me to make friends 'cos I was a shy kid. That's where I met Skip Westcott, this popular sporty guy who I just thought was so cool. We'd hang out more and more and I looked up to him like the brother I never had, he even showed me porn for the first time which was like, mind blowing to a boy," I said calmly.

"Peter you don't have to share this," she said quietly.

"It's okay. I trust you. Skip was 16 at this point, so when he suggested that he and I should try and touch each other like the men in the videos, I was too scared to say no... I told Aunt May when I got home and she didn't let me go to the library alone anymore which made me sad because I loved going to the library. I never saw Skip again because he moved interstate which helped me heal. I know that's not really the same as your story but I uh, yeah, just wanted to say that I can relate," I shrugged.

"Thank you for sharing that with me... I'm sorry that happened to you as well," She said squeezing my hand before getting up from the table.

Y/N took my empty bowl from in front of me, kissing the top of my head before taking them to the kitchen. I stayed at the table, staring at my placemat as I heard her rinse the bowls and open the dishwasher. I'd never told anyone that story except for Aunt May, Ned and Tony.

I'd never felt comfortable enough around anyone else to tell them. Except for now.

"Hey Pete?" She said sitting down on the living room couch and turning around to face me, still in my dining chair.

"Yeah?"

"I'm proud of you, you seem so much happier than when I first met you," she smiled, leaning her chin on the back of the couch.

"That's because you showed me all the things I should be happy about."

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