Days in Mondstadt

Chapter 27- Regrets

The morning came with little relief. Y/n had spent the night lying awake in her tent, vaguely registering the voices outside as they filtered in and out.

The raid had been a runaway success with areas that had been marked as extremely dangerous being inexplicably empty. The largest and most monster heavy camps was raided in a matter of minutes. It seemed as though the scouts must have over counting the amount of monsters, or else the enemies had left on their own.

Kaeya told y/n all of this as he looked in on her that morning. His face was drawn with pain and exhaustion but y/n didn't mention it. If his night was even close to what hers was like, he wouldn't want it brought up.

Y/n drifted in and out of sleep for most of the day, swinging in a hammock and chewing on the skin around her nails or scratching her palms to irritation between naps. Diluc's coat served as her blanket, covering her with the memory of his scent. His words to her played over and over again like a repeating birdsong.

But you don't want me.

Then what did she want? She didn't even know anymore. Or did she ever know? Was there really a time where she knew without a doubt that she wanted anything?

Y/n groaned and turned over in her hammock; she squeezed her eyes shut to try and quell the tumultuous lines of thinking but it was no use.
Her whole life opened up before her like a long hallway lined on either side by moments in her life. Her first big decision- to join up with the Knights- glowed brightly.

I'm happy here now; I'm fulfilled. But why did I want to be a knight in the first place? It was all because of Diluc and Kaeya-because of Master Crepus.

The next event made itself clear. Y/n, deciding to stay in the manor with the boys instead of moving with her parents. Why? To stay with Diluc and Kaeya- to stay within their world. More memories flew by. Each one of them had one or both of the Ragnivndr brothers wrapped up in her life in some way.

The night of that party. Diluc: drunk and finally truthful. Later: betrayed and bitter by her choice to join the Knights. Or, she thought, could it have been more. Perhaps jealousy that she would choose Kaeya over him. Y/n's brain hurt from the not knowing. One thing she did know, is that her goals had never been solely her own.

One last decision haunted her. She saw both brothers before her.
The sweet possessiveness and flirtation with which Kaeya always showered her. The quick words and searing touches that happened when they were together.
Then there was Diluc. Ever responsible, ever present. His protective nature and warm interior shone in her heart like a homing beacon.

It hadn't felt like a choice when she'd made it. Kaeya was there. Kaeya was ready. Kaeya actually liked her- or at least the idea of her.
Diluc was standoffish, still holding firmly on to the grudge he kept.

But that one night- before.

The one time he had been completely vulnerable since their childhood. When he whispered drunk confessions into her ear as he drifted off to sleep.
That Diluc was the one she had given up forever when she had accepted Kaeya.

Y/n felt a tear slip down her cheek.

There's no going back now. She thought. Fate took care of that. Now all I have is Kaeya, or at least...what's left of him.