Love Grows Where His Camila Goes

57

57

Camila’s POV

“May I talk to her for a moment? I would be glad if I introduce myself to him, as her father.” His voice now is full of excitement and happiness. “I am sorry, but I want you to grant my request.” He smiled.

I nodded slowly. “Yes, you may.” He then smiled widely at me and slowly embraced me. He caressed my hair gradually and his hug tightened. Later on, I heard him sobbing in my shoulders.

My heart aches when I heard how hard his cries are. “Camila...” He managed to call for my name even though he’s running out of breath because of his hard cries. “I have never, ever loved anyone as much as you.”

His cries became harder. I felt the waters in my clothes. Ang bigat bigat habang pinapakinggan ko kung paano siya umiyak sa balikat ko. Para siyang isang bata na nawalan ng pamilya, para siyang isang bata na naulila at naghahanap ng pagmamahal.

“Mahal na mahal kita, Sevann.” I replied.

Tumatango–tango naman siya bilang tugon sa akin. Tumigil siya sa pag–iyak ngunit nakayakap pa rin siya sa akin. Maya–maya lang din ay humiwalay siya. Pinunasan niya ang kaniyang mga luha saka mapait na ngumiti.

“Tara?” He asks me.

I declined. “I think it’s better if you two will talk, without me. Because, I can’t stand seeing you two cry in front of me.” I muttered.

He pinched my palm lightly and nodded. “Okay, then. I am going to go upstairs.” He hugged me for the last time before leaving me.

I stood there for minutes before walking towards Yaya’s things earlier. I saw the mail on it. It is already old. But, still alive. That letters was the first thing I took out of all of Yaya’s stuff that was on the floor. My eyes narrowed as I looked at it. It seems like it was written a long time ago and can only be opened now. I am sure that these letters came from some of Yaya’s children.

I looked at these letters and turned one over. My lips parted when I saw my name there. For Camila. That was what the letter says from the very beginning. That was for me at all. I slowly opened the mail and it reveals the letter.

“To Camila,” I started reading the letter. “Happy birthday, Camila. I am sorry if I am still giving you letter to express my greetings to you. Wala eh, that is all I’m up to as of now. I hope this day brings you hope and faith on yourself. I hope this day brings you strength to move forward in life. I will always love you, my Camila.” I swallowed hard to restrain my self from crying.

I let go of the birthday greeting letter then I picked up another one. There are three letters in all. A birthday greetings and the two that I don’t know yet. I let out a heavy sigh before opening the letter.

“To Camila,” I started once again. “I have no idea if you’re receiving my letters. Well, you are not responding, so I guess you don’t. I wish I could hug you right now. Because, medical school’s giving me tiredness. But, I have to go on. So, that when I face your Mom, I am already successful and have achieved something.” I stopped reading when tears started streaming down my face.

I have never thought his words will have the ability to shatter my heart into pieces. I have never thought that our break up could be this so hard for him. But, atleast, he goes on, even without me. He coped without me.

I swallowed hard and continue reading. Every drop of my tears is falling on the letter. My tears gradually wetting the letter. “I want to make you proud the next time we meet. I want to graduate just to start again. I want to build whatever is broken between us. I really want to come back to you, Camila. I missed my woman so much.”

That was the end of the letter of him. I bit my lower lip to stifle a cry. It was so hard to cry silently so no one could hear me. I violently wiped my tears before taking the last letter. I tremblingly take the last letter of him.

“My Camila,” It was just year ago. I held my chest when it hurts. “Happy 10th anniversary, love. It has been decade since I started loving you. And, guess what? I am still loving you, my love. I am still hoping for one day that I would meet you again. I promise, I won’t letting go of you again. I promise that I would fight for you this time. I won’t be afraid of taking the risk. I should’ve study law to fight for you. LOL. How are you? It has been years since I started sending you letters, and yet, I am not receiving any responses from you. Perhaps, you haven’t receiving any of my letters.”

When I was in the middle of reading the letter, there were traces of what I am sure was a tears. It was heavy for him to continue studying medicine while coping for pain. He’s so strong for moving forward even though it’s hard. 

“I know that I have fallen short of the man I had promise I have become, the man that you truly deserves.” My voice broke.

I heard some footsteps coming down the stairs. “Nakuha ko iyan kanina lang mula sa mailbox. Hindi ko binasa lalo na’t alam kong para sa iyo ang liham.”

Nagsalita si Yaya mula sa aking likuran. Ramdam ko ang unti–unti niyang paglapit sa akin. Hinimas niya nang marahan ang aking likod. “Masaya ako ngayon para sa pamilya mo, Camila. Unti–unti mo nang mabubuo ang pamilya na minsan mo nang pinangarap. Ngunit, nasasaktan ako na makita kang naghihirap at umiiyak.”

She hugged me from behind. My cries got heavier and louder. I felt heavy because of what I just read. I held my chest again and cried myself out. My eyes were bloodshot while looking at the letter. His words really hurts. I felt Yaya released her hug from me so I turned my gaze at her.

I already know. I can feel his gaze on me, heavy and brooding. As subtly as I can, I glance over my shoulder, catching his eyes looking at me and no one else. He nodded at Yaya so Yaya could leave. He then turned his eyes on me. He slowly went on me and grazed his thumb on my cheeks. He wiped my tears using his finger.

“You didn’t receive any of my letter.” He whispered, and then he does the strangest thing.

He smiles. “I couldn’t sleep during nights because I know that it’s already over between us.” He then caressed my hair and kisses my head.

“So, I am sending you letters.” He muttered. “How I wish that I am with you during those times that you are struggling with your pregnancy. I should be on your side while you are having your cravings. I should have give you what you wanted. I should have endure your mood swings. I should have saw you... giving birth to our child. I am sorry for not being on your side while you are feeling fear, pain, and suffering. If I was there, I could give you my strength. But, still, you didn’t give up. You did hold on. I am so proud of you.”

Sunod–sunod akong umiling sa kaniya. I stared at him, crying. His brows furrowed but immediately smiled again at me. He kissed my head and hands.

“Masyado na akong huli ng ilang taon, pero...” Humiwalay siya sa akin saka hinawakan ang mga kamay ko. “Baka pwede pa, baka ngayon pwede na?”

The what ifs, the what could have beens, and the feelings remained inside me like a museum of unsaid words. It makes me melancholic thinking about what we had.

&.&