Love Grows Where His Camila Goes

26

26

Camila's POV

As soon as I got behind the wheel, I immediately drove to the memorial cemetery where we had buried Gavin. The security guy presented me with a friendly grin and further welcomed me as I walked inside the memorial garden. Alam kong sanay na siya sa akin dito dahil lagi ang pagdadalaw ko rito simula nang ilibing namin si Gavin dito.

Hindi ako nagsayang ng oras nang hindi siya dinadalaw dahil alam kong mababawasan ang oras ko kapag nagsimula na akong maging abala sa sarili kong buhay. Nagsimula na akong maglakad papunta sa lugar niya. Mayroon ding ibang bumisita kahit hindi naman ngayon ang araw ng pagbisita.

Nang makita ko ang pangalan niya, hindi ko maiwasang pangiliran ng mga luha dahil sa muling pagkakataon ay naaalala ko na naman lahat. I am getting better. Kaya itong mga luha na ito, dala lang 'to ng pangungulila ko kay Gavin na hindi naman maiiwasan kapag nasa healing process ka pa.

I arranged the flowers in a cemetery next to his grave. I continued to work on improving my strength in comparison to before.

It was an unusually gloomy afternoon, and I found myself back here, waiting for Gavin to arrive at his home. My heart has been filled with an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and disappointment for several months now, and I have not experienced his warm embrace or heard his soothing voice in that time.

I have come here in the hope that I may be fortunate to see him once more in the future. My miserable soul, which has been yearning for its beloved, can be satisfied by even a fleeting glimpse of him. To put it bluntly, I am still puzzled as to what we have done wrong for the heavens to take him far away from me at such a... young age.

For a prolonged period, I gazed at his tomb, and it caused tears to pour from my eyes. As I gently stroked Gavin's grave, I wiped away my tears. I broke into a broad smile and began to speak, my voice becoming barely audible as I did so.

"I was distracting myself lately, Gav." The words came out of my mouth as I switched my attention to the flowers that I had placed in his grave. At the same time that I was trying to prevent myself from crying, I bit my bottom lip.

"You put me in this kind of situation, huh," I said jokingly. "How could you leave me like that?! You don't have my permission, Gavin!" I almost exclaimed while saying those words to him.

Hindi niya naman maririnig iyon kaya wala ring k'wenta, pero kailangan ko. Pilit akong natawa. Nakaupo ako habang kinakausap siya sa kawalan. Hindi ko maiwasang masaktan, at muling maluha. Naging mahirap ang lahat para sa aming dalawa. Pero ngayon, nakamit na niya ang kapayapaan sa buhay niya.

At sana, ganoon din ako.

"Ito na... yung huling araw na iiyak ako sa 'yo," Just as I was about to pronounce those words, my voice broke. I let out a breath as a means to give myself a moment of relief. "I will make myself better. Babawiin ko yung dating ako na nawala dahil iniwan mo 'ko."

Agad na gumuhit ang kirot sa puso ko habang sinasasaad ang bawat salitang binitiwan ko. Alam kong naniniwala siyang kaya ko. "Magpapatuloy ako..." Simply uttering those words consumed every bit of energy I could generate. "Kahit wala ka," And, finally. There it is.

Isa–isa ko nang nararanasan ang mga bagay na hindi ko naranasan noon. Paunti–unti ko nang naaayos ang aking pagkatao, hindi man ganon naging kadali pero alam ko namang may progreso. I wiped away the tears that had poured from my eyes. I have high hopes that you can observe the progress that I have made each day. There was a strong desire on my part for you to be present and see the development that I have achieved. However, you are an integral component of my development. I have faith that you are the biggest reason why I decided to go through this process of progress.