Love Grows Where His Camila Goes

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Camila’s POV

She slowly walks towards me. I feel so tense that I feel like my foot is already stuck at where I stand. The look that my Mama throws at me is also scorching, so horrible.

She looked sharply at me. The only thing she was carrying was her Hermes bag which she was holding on her right shoulder. She looked calm, but still terrifying for my softness.

“Ma,” I called her. “Why did you come home?” I tried to hide the chisel but it still escaped my lips. I couldn’t help but hate her for everything she did to me.

She smiled at me, like everything was nothing. Like everything she did was just a piece of shit for her. “Aren’t you happy that I came home?” She sounded so hurt. Then, what if she was hurt by my kind of welcome? Does it hurt more than what she did to me before?

I sighed. “Where’s Dad? You left him?” I raised brow, definitely diverting the topic.

I might say yes as an answer if I lost my mind right now. I will never be happy when you come home. Because you came home, you brought trouble again. I know you will destroy me again. As well as my daughter’s pleasure.

“I left him, why? Is that matter?” She raised a brow at me, neverminding her unbelievable response.

I crossed my arms over my chest. I nodded for a response. “Of course, it is. He is your husband, after all.”

She grinned at me, and shakes her head sarcastically. “No, hija. He is no longer my husband.”

My lips parted in shock. My brows immediately furrowed as I looked at her with full of curiosity. “What do you mean?” I asked.

She turned her gaze down the tiles, then glanced at me with severe tension. “I am filing an annulment that’s why I came back.” She said like an annulment was nothing to her!

She didn’t even look like she was so hurt! She looked like, it was okay for her, that my father was all nothing for her. It seems like my father didn’t matter for her at all.

I smirked at her, amused. “Did you... ever loved him at all?” I exclaimed. My heart broke when she smiled at me. “Two decades mean nothing, Ma?!” I shouted in pain because of Papa.

My world almost collapsed when a shake on her head was her answer to me. She took a breath and let it out. “Your father doesn’t deserve me...” She smiles bitterly. “He does matter, but my love for him don’t.”

Huminga ako nang malalim bago tumingin sa itaas para pigilan ang nagbabadyang mga luha sa aking mga mata. Parang may nakabara sa aking lalamunan para pigilan ang aking bibig na maglabas ng kahit anong salita.

“I came home not just for one reason, but for you.” She looked at me, but it was full of disgust.

I was surprised by his stare. It was as if my whole being had been insulted by what I had done. I seem to have done shame again, and filth. I could barely speak in panic.

“Camila, alam mo! Hindi ka pa talaga natututo!” Mama’s unbelievable promise, her eyebrows met. “Iniwan at pinabayaan ka na niya dati, e!”

Umawang ang labi ko, pero mapait akong ngumiti habang nakatingin sa mga mata ni Mama. I felt like I need to voice out something. I felt like I need to defend myself this time. I felt the sudden need to defend him, to clear his name to this woman.

“Na hindi niya sana ginawa... kung hindi niyo siya kinausap.“ I said calmly as tears starting to welled up in my eyes. My lips twitched.

My eyes slowly start to become bloodshot, my lips began to tremble, and a short intake of breath follows my lip.

Mas lalong kumunot ang mga kilay niya sa sinabi ko. Hindi siya nagsalita pero kumikibot–kibot ang labi niya. Hindi na malaman ang sasabihin niya sa naging saad ko.

“Hindi niya sana ako iiwan kung hindi mo pinamukha sa tao na walang saysay ang buhay ko sa kapag kasama ko siya... na wala akong kinabukasan sa kaniya.” Huminga ako nang malalim matapos sabihin iyon.

Ramdam ko ang nagbabadyang mga luha sa aking mata. Tila kaunti na lamang ay tutulo na iyon dahil sa bigat ng nararamdaman ko ngayon. Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaaman ko. Ang bigat... bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Tila ba pasan ko ang buong mundo.

“Hindi naman sana ako masasaktan nang halos ilang taon kung hindi ka... hindi ka naging makasarili, Ma...” nanghihinang saad ko, nangilid muli ang mga luha ko.

Mapait akong napangiti, kumikibot–kibot ang aking labi nang bumagsak nang sunud–sunod ang mga luha ko. Umiinit ang pisngi ko, at parang malulunod ako sa dami ng nararamdaman ko.

“Hindi rin naman sana mahihiwalay ang tatay ng anak ko, kung hindi mo siya pinigilang panagutan ako. Kung hindi mo sinabi kay Sevann na ipapalaglag ko ang anak namin.” Napahinga ako nang malalim, pinipigilan ang bugso ng damdamin.

“Ma, alam mong hindi ako gano’n...” pagpapatuloy ko kahit na napakabigat na ng nararamdaman ko.

Agad siyang nagsalita, agad niyang kinontra ang mga sinabi ko. “He wouldn’t be this successful if I did not do that thing! That was the best thing a woman could do, Camila!”

“Ma! I am sure that he wouldn’t lose his dreams for me!” I choked.

She got easily irritated. She took a deep breath and immediately, her palm landed on my face. I was immediately touched on my cheek, I could feel the heat and redness on it. “But, he could delay it! He could delay his dreams, for you and your fucking unplanned pregnancy!”

My lips parted and I automatically felt bad. Tumulo ang mga luha ko nang sunud–sunod. Para akong namanhid bigla. Iyong dami ng mga nararamdaman ko kanina ay bigla na lang nawala. 

Nanghina ako sa katotohanang may punto ang lahat ng sinasabi ni Mama. Tama naman siya, mahihirapan si Sevann na panagutan ako. Mahihirapan siyang buoin ang pamilyang hindi naman talaga namin napagpaplanuhan at napag–isipan. Mahihirapan lamang kaming ikayod ang hindi napagplanuhan simula pa lamang.

Ngumiti ako nang mapait. Bumalik bigla ang paggalang ko dahil sa sinabi niya. “Huwag po kayong mag–aalala, hindi na rin naman ako magpapakatanga ulit.” mahina kong saad, nahihirapang magsalita dahil sa sakit na bumabara sa dibdib ko.

Napabuntong–hininga siya nang malalim, pinipigilan din ang pagtulo ng mga luha at pati na rin ang bugso ng damdamin niya.

Nakagat ko ang aking ibabang labi, bago nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita. “Hindi na ho ulit ako magpapakasakit, at magpapakamartyr.” Napakabigat. Mas lalong bumigat ang mga hikbi ko habang sinasabi isa–isa ang mga gusto kong sabihin sa harapan niya.

Huminga ako nang malalim, pinipigilan ang pagtulo ng mga luha. “Hindi ko nalang po ulit mamahalin si Sevann, kahit iyon pa talaga ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko na lang muna aalalahanin yung kung ano ba talaga yung nararamdaman ko.” umiiyak kong saad, nanginginig ang mga tuhod.

Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko, kumikibot–kibot ang labi. My shoulders are moving, it’s a sign that I am crying too hard. I couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t handle another pain anymore.

“Gagawin ko na lang ‘yon, hindi dahil sa sarili ko. Hindi dahil sa anak ko. Kasi, Mama, wala naman na kayong ibang nakikita sa akin, kun’di iyong mga nangyari sa akin noon,” saad ko, umiiyak. “Wala na kayong ibang nirarason kun’di ang protektahan ako sa mga sakit na p’wede kong matanggap kapag nagmahal na naman ako..”

I wiped my tears using the back of my hand. I take a deep breath and let it out. My tears started again to stream down my face.

“Pero, Ma...” I choked. Tears kept streaming down my face. “Nasasaktan ako sa mga desisyon mo, nasasaktan mo ako nang hindi mo man lang namamalayan.”

When, I stopped talking, I immediately felt the weakness of my knees. I immediately laid down the ground, and there I cried my heart out. I covered my face with my hands as I cried more.

Then, my cries became weaker when I heard her soft and obviously wake up voice. “Mama...” Her voice was shaking, she seemed to crying just because she heard me cry.

&.&