Untold Pain

Chapter 19

Jane's POV.

"Jane. I like you." Janella seriously said.

I smiled. "I like you too."

She immediately frowned when I said that. I mean, what's wrong with that? I just replied to what she said.

"You do?" Pagtatakang tanong nya. Natawa naman ako. "Of course, I do." I shook my head. "I mean, alam kong hindi maayos yung unang encounter natin sa isa't isa, but I've come to like you." I smiled at her. "I also want to be your friend, I like you to be my friend, Jea."

When she heard that she shook her head as she fell down. I panicked, lumuhod kaagad ako at tinignan sya but I can't see her face because she was covering it with her arms.

"Are you okay? What's the matter?" Pag aalang tanong ko sakanya. Wala naman akong sinabi na masama diba?

"You idiot." Rinig kong sabi nya. I frowned as I was about to speak but she lifted her head and I could see her teary eyes.

Did I do something wrong?

"Idiot." Pag ulit nya. "I like you more than friends! I like you just like how a man like a woman. I'm also gay! I like you, Jane." Inis na sabi nya.

I was speechless when I heard what she said.

Janella likes me?
She likes me!?

"I--" Damn it.

I sighed. "I don't know, Janella."

I don't know if I am ready. I don't know if I am ready to love again.

I might end up hurting you, Jea.

I hug her. "I'm sorry. I just don't know if I am ready to love again." My tears fell down. "I might hurt you." Janella pulled out the hug as she stared at me.

"Jane. You're afraid to hurt me? I'm willing to take all the risk because it's you." She took a deep breath. "Do you hate me?"

"What? No. I don't hate you." She cupped my face. "I don't hate you too."

I don't want to hurt Janella. I don't know if I am ready and I don't want to disappoint her. I'm not even sure about my feelings right now, so how can I be sure of her?

"You waited for me until I was able to tell my real feelings." She wiped my tears as she smiled. "I'm willing to wait too. You need time. Figure out all the things you need. I'll be just here, waiting for you. Okay?"

Do I even deserve this woman? Jea, you're the reason why I was trying to move on and move forward with my life. You're the reason why I wanted to love again.

Jea, it's you.
But I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that I will lose everything, just like how I lost everything when Maine died.

I do not want to experience that ever again.

I nodded. "Okay." I took a deep breath. "Please, just wait for a little longer."

I feel like I'm being selfish. Sinabihan ko syang maghintay nang walang kasiguraduhan sa magiging desisyon ko.

For once, I want to be selfish.

All I want right now is to be with Janella. But it can wait. It can wait until I am sure of what I really wanted.

I need to settle those things that's been in the past. If I want to be worthy of having Janella in my life, then I needed to be deserving of her love for me.

She smiled as she nodded. "I'll wait."

~~

"So, who is that girl huh?" Pang aasar na tanong sakin ni Gabbi.