When a Man Enters the Shrinks Office...

11) Dream

Brett is having a dream. But unlike like the last couple of weeks where the dreams were nightmares filled with only sorrow and regret, this is a much nicer one.

He is there, standing in a white room full of sunlight.
There is someone with him, but he can't see who.
It doesn't matter anyway.
It feels natural, safe.
Basking in the sunlight, his violin against his neck, he plays a beautiful piece he has never played before.
When he is done, he says to the other person near him:
"I will be okay again. Watch me. Don't worry."
There is a soft whispered reply:
"Yes! I know you will. You can do this. You'll even find love in the process, you'll see. You'll see."
The words wash over him as a nice warm blanket.
They feel so comforting.
Together with the music it feels like heaven.

When Brett wakes up sunlight is shining through the curtains and he feels a bit better than the last couple of weeks when he has woken up.
He ponders about his dream and what it means.
It's just a dream, but it gives him the feeling of hope. Hope for his health, his heart and the future.
I can do this!
The last couple of days he has been thinking about the last shrinks session. Together with this dream he finally knows what to do.

He gets up, dresses quickly and heads immediately to the practice room. How long hasn't he opened this room? It feels like forever.
The suns shines softly through the window. It will be a beautiful day.
He wipes the dust off his violin case, opens it and picks up his violin.
He softly caresses it. The wood under his fingers feels so good. The curve of his violin almost sexy.
He puts it under his chin, his bow at the ready.
The marking under his chin that was there like forever has faded to just a light brown spot, for he hasn't touched his violin for so long. It will be there again, eventually.

He has been thinking about what piece to play.
Flora suggested something before he met Eddy.
So at first he thought about a piece he played when he was still beginning to learn how to play, because Eddy wasn't there yet. But he wanted it to be more challenging. He can't play 'Row row row the boat' or something so dreadful is he?!
He's decided on Bach's Andante for violin sonata No. 2.
He knows he has played it before, but Eddy never has.
It's a start right?
He lifts his bow, takes a deep breath and plays the first notes.
It actually goes beyond expectation.
The notes are clear and clean. His fingers still know how to play. Muscle memory is awesome!
He feels the melody rushing over and through his body. The melody engraving the notes in his heart again. All comes back like a big flood washing over him, sweeping all emptiness away.
Thick tears well up in his eyes. He has missed this so much!
The feeling of intense relieve washes over him. So much pent up tension leaves his body. The Myasthenia almost forgotten.
The melancholic sounds are alternated with romantic, relaxing ones and oh how do they hit home.
Oh heaven, how much do I love playing the violin!

When he opens his eyes he sees Eddy in the door opening.
His lovely Eddy.
He looks like he is going to cry, eyes shimmering.
Brett puts his violin down and tears start streaming down his face too.
Eddy takes a step into the room and watches Brett's reaction to see if he is allowed to enter. When he doesn't see a negative emotion on his friends face he approaches slowly.

"Can I give you a hug, please?" he asks.

Brett nods and Eddy puts his arms around him.
It is such a comforting feeling. One they have shared so many times, but haven't in such a long time since.
They both start crying softly. Brett with his face on Eddy's shoulder, Eddy's tears falling in Brett's hair.

After a while they calm down and look at each other.
Brett can see that Eddy is so very relieved. Heck! He himself feels it!
He can't imagine how much Eddy has had to put up with him the last couple of weeks.
He heaves a deep breath and tries to get rid of the tension with Eddy being so close.

My best friend. That is what you are, always have been and always will be in the first place. I must not forget that. I want to be close to you. I need you to be.

He smiles softly at Eddy's teary face and nods as like in approval.
A nod that says everything will be okay, even though he cannot say it aloud just yet.

"Can I make you breakfast?" Eddy eventually asks.

Again a nod and Eddy breaks the embrace to leave to make breakfast for them both.
Brett picks up his violin again and starts to play his all time favorite piece.
Tchaikovsky will always be his, his comfort, his solitude, his escape.
Nobody can take that away.
Therefore he can play it as much as he likes.
Eddy or not.