When a Man Enters the Shrinks Office...

15) 14 dec

A few days pass where they are practicing all day, eating in almost silence and Brett going to his room and laying on his bed deep in thoughts or finding solitude on the roof.

Every night he climbs out of the window to sit on the edge of the building watching stars, breathing air.
It feels so free being up there.
He likes the night with its lights glowing beneath him and shining dots at the ceiling of the earth, clothing the world in stillness.
He feels insignificant and can therefore put everything a bit into perspective. He is reminded that he is only a pawn in this world. That he just needs to fix himself.

While stargazing he tries to figure out how he can get rid of the feelings that are bothering him.
How he can act normal around Eddy.
And how to learn to stop thinking of the nights they had spent together during their tours.

But it's so difficult to be normal when he sees Eddy.
He still has those obnoxious butterflies and goose bumps all over because of him being so lovable and pretty. It's so freaking hard.
But he needs to figure out what he can do to make everything better so they can move on.
He must!
For their friendships sake.
For TwoSets sake.
So he hides every feeling inside, while trying to figure things out.
His much trained deadpan face as the ultimate weapon.
Don't show your feelings Brett. Get your shit together!
That's all he can do for now.
And stargaze, to try to get his head and heart in a way he can live and breathe normal again. He needs to find a way. But how?
One day he thinks he has the right attitude, the other he can only cry for feeling so lost and heartbroken.

So what else can he do than to shut Eddy out, push him away to make the pain less.
Eddy isn't able reach him what so ever.
And poor Eddy being so worried about Brett's health, but not able to do anything, can only wait.

Even during practice Brett's answers are short and he avoids looking at Eddy more and more again.
It makes Eddy just watch Brett more because of it. He tries to be as relaxed and easy as possible, be the best friend this world can provide, be his pillar of support, so he won't tick him off. That Brett still wants him around.
But of course it's working in the opposite direction.
There is so much tension in the air that it has even started to affect Eddy's playing. He's messing up more and more often, not being able to get his head and heart into it.

Here he is facing an evening full of difficulties.
Eddy is in the practice room, not enjoying himself.

"Well sh*t! Why can't I play it right! ARG! This is utterly sacrilegious! Come on stupid fingers! You are an abomination to LingLing! Muscle memory my ass!"

Eddy is furious at himself. He can't play like this.
He decides to take a break.
Will coffee help?

On his way to the kitchen he sees Brett sitting on the couch, apparently unaware of his presence.
He has his head in his hands and tears in his eyes.

Oh no! What's wrong now?

"Brett? What's wrong?"
Extremely concerned he kneels before him, trying to make him look at him.

There is a sobbing sound followed by a
"Nothing."

And then Eddy just snaps.
All the worrying, sleepless nights, hospital visits, not being able to communicate together and all the other stress of the past few weeks bubble up to the surface and explode like a volcano.

"GOD! BRETT! JUST! TALK! TO! ME!"
Jeez, he is so frustrated.
Screaming is not good, but he doesn't know what to do anymore.

"WHY the fuck can you talk to Flora, Hillary, Ray, and everybody else on this god forsaken planet, but not to ME?! ME: your best friend! Your confidant! Your partner in crime! WHY can't you talk to me! What is your problem for fuck sake!?"
Tears roll out of his eyes.

Brett looks up at his friend, feeling his pain.
This can't go on like this.
The realization hits him hard.
I'm breaking him, and myself at it too.
It has been a week and it's nowhere okay yet.  He needs to do something now, or everything will be in shambles anyway, unfix able forever.
He needs to open up, just as Flora has suggested. He has nothing to lose anymore.
He sighs.
Okay. Let's do this.

He looks Eddy in the eye and says seriously:

"It's because you are my problem Eddy."