Clarity (A SANDRO MARCOS FANFICTION)

34. How

AIRI

The thing about knife cuts is that they go deep. You won't realize it hurts until didiinan mo yung nahiwa na part. And that happened to me this morning. I accidentally cut myself with a knife and it took me seconds to realize it hurts.

Umiyak ako.

Umiyak ako dahil masakit. Umiyak ako hanggang sa mapaisip ako kung yung sugat ko sa kamay ang iniiyakan ko o iba na.

I cried silently on my couch while watching my fingers bled. Sana parang sugat lang sa kamay yung nararanasan ko. Hugasan mo ng tubig. Lagyan ng antiseptic, patungan ng band aid tapos okay na. It will heal for a week.

Up until now Sandro is not talking to me. I see him online but he doesn't read my messages. He doesn't answer my calls. I have a lot of questions unanswered and it breaks me. Those questions kept running around my head, giving me nightmares every time I sleep.

Mahirap bang sagutin ang mga bakit, paano at ano?

I thought he was feeling the same as me. Falling. I settled too much with the idea of our ten year plan and forgot to guard my fucking heart. I thought he was gonna catch me but it was the other way around. My world almost revolved around him. My time. My efforts. Everything about me became Sandro and I won't be me without Sandro.

At the same time, I have no one aside from Sandro.

Simon said he'd try to talk to Sandro about it and ask him. But I know Sandro. He won't say something if he doesn't really want to. And right now, that's what he is doing.

After breaking down for the nth time, I settled on my desk and checked my interview schedule with the sister company of the hotel I am working with na nasa Pinas. They sent a google invite. I weighed the pros and cons inside my head.

I am confident na matatanggap ako. But if ever I get accepted, I would have to go home and eventually face Sandro. Maybe find the answers to my questions or maybe not. If I reject the interview invite, I will stay here. I bit my lips and leaned on my swivel chair then saw the corkboard Sandro and I put up years ago.

I felt a pang on my chest.

Ten-year plan my ass.

Who makes plans, promises and end up asking for a fucking break. I really thought he wasn't gonna hurt me because he knows where I came from but what the fuck. He actually did and he is breaking my heart into fucking pieces and wouldn't even dare to pick them up.

Hanggang kailan ako maghihintay na sabihin niya, I'm okay now. I'm coming back for you.

Those thought ran inside my head until my email notified me I have a message and it was from Sandro.

Airi,

We are not breaking up. I just want to have time for myself. I'm not breaking any promise. I would still fulfil them and you just have to wait for me. I know this wasn't part of our ten year plan and I am sorry but I need this for me and for us as well.

Yun lang.

Wala man lang I love you.

Ansaket talaga.

Si Sandro lang pala ang dudurog sa akin.

And with that, tears started falling down my cheeks like waterfall and I was back at it again. Crying and wailing and asking myself why.

I hate this.

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SIMON

(Luh kayo may POV si Simon)

Airi was crying again. That nonstop crying. She took a leave from work because she cannot handle. I took a leave too. I don't feel comfortable working while thinking about her here. Sandro doesn't reply no matter how many time I message him. It feels as he has avoided me too.

"Airi tama na. Tahan na." I said, rubbing her back.

She wailed again and I felt a pang of pain. Naramdaman ko kung gaano kasakit ang nararamdaman niya from the wailing and crying and I couldn't even do something about it.

Airi clung to me and cried harder.

"Bakit ganon Simon? I gave him everything. He said I'm not at fault but he looked so angry with me as if I was the biggest mistake of his life. It hurts. It fucking hurts and I do not know how to undo it."

She coughed from crying. I handed her the tissue. She wiped herself and started crying again.

And there it was.

The sound of her pain inside the room at two am in the morning.

And it hurt me too.

"Use me Airi." I said out of the blue.

She stopped, looking at me.

"Ano?"

"Use me to get over with Sandro." I don't know what I am thinking.

"Bakit?"

"I hate to see you cry Airi. Use me. I don't care. Use me for revenge. Use me to make up Sandro's mistakes. It's up to you."

"Why are you doing this? Kapatid mo pa rin si Sandro." She asked in between her tears.

"And I don't fucking care. I don't fucking care about the reasons he gave you. I don't fucking care about what he wants to do. He gave you his word from the start, he should get some balls at panindigan ang mga sinabi niya."

I was angry.

I was angry at his resolve with their relationship and I was angry because I couldn't do anything to stop her from crying.

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