Clarity (A SANDRO MARCOS FANFICTION)

35. It

AIRI

You know what hurts the most in our relationship was that how easy it was for him to end it just like that and not message me or even try to talk to me. We built our relationship with a goal of staying together no matter how high or low the situation is but I ended up being the only one in the ship, trying to fix it.

Cool off is a big word.

Cool off doesn't have a time line. Pwede mong sabihin na jowa ko pa rin yung taong 'to but you're not in good terms with the person. In cool off you won't know how long. Para kayong nag-break pero walang closure. And I don't want any closure. I want to fix things between us but I don't know how when he completely shut me off his life.

And it has been a week since he asked for cool off. It has been a week since I cried and cried. I ran out off tissue. Pati hoodie ni Sandro ginawa kong tissue tapos yayakapin kasi kaamoy niya. It fucking sucks that I realized I fell in love with him. When he wasn't there anymore.

What happened to the promises he made or to the songs he sang for me?

When the world seems so unfair

You can count on me to stay

"I want to resign." I told my manager when I got back to work.

He was raising his eyebrows. "Why? Doesn't the company treat you well? I mean you are a good asset to the company. Even I would think it would be a great loss to lose you here." Sagot niya.

Sana ganon din ako kay Sandro. Great loss.

I pressed my lips together. I'm not the type of person who would share personal things in the workplace but he is my manager too and we became friends. And he is half Filipino too.

"I'm honestly broken hearted right now Luke. I took a week leave hoping I could fix it in a week just as how I can fix problems in the workplace but I wasn't able to. Durog na durog ang puso ko, paos na paos na ako sa kakaiyak, nagkasakit ako at lahat lahat hindi pa rin ako kinakausap." I told him.

"Sandro Marcos broke your heart?"

"Oo. Isang Ferdinand Alexander Araneta Marcos lang naman ang gumawa neto sa akin. I feel like shit. Gusto kong umuwi ng Pilipinas para kausapin siya pero sabi ng tarot ko, give him some time and space. Putangina."

He laughed. "Why don't you give him that? You told me before. It was his dream to work in the congress and maybe he is adjusting. It's his first time to work in a government setting. Maybe he is just like me when I first started to work in the industry and even if you try to encourage him or anything, he won't take it."

"He doesn't want to share things with me about work."

"Because he feels that what he should show you is his strong self and not the weak side. Men are different in so many ways, Airi."

"Bakit ako kapag may dilemma ako nagsasabi ako sa kanya and it would make me feel better if I tell it to someone. Bakit hindi niya magawa yun? I'm willing to listen and understand naman."

Luke laughed. "I told you. Men are different. And Sandro is different. And are you sure you are listening? You may be listening but you might be understanding it half-heartedly," He paused and suddenly spoke in Filipino. "Oo. Nakikinig ka. Naiintindihan mo pero kahit sabihin mo yan, hindi mo mapipigilan na pilitin siya na mag share sayo. There is still that want from you to make him share his burden and that desire to help him. But he doesn't want it because he wants to deal with it himself."

"Jon Snow lang?" I commented. Luke laughed but I suddenly cried.

"Why?"

"Yun ang outfit niya nung Halloween dati." I sniffled.

"Oh Airi." Luke mumbled and tapped my back.

"Kailangan ko pa atang mamatay para balikan niya ako." I mumbled as I cried.

"That's not a good thing to say, Airi."

"Hindi rin naman good ang dinudulot ng cool off na sinasabi niya eh. Ang sakit sakit pa rin. Every morning when I wake up, I check up on him. If he was online. If he was at work, If went through his other social medias. Kanina active yesterday siya sa Instagram. Active four hours ago sa facebook. Yung shared location app namin naka uninstall sa kanya. Luke bakit ganon? Ang bilis naman niyang itapon ang taon na napagsamahan namin. Paano na yung plano namin na bahay? Sampung anak? Luke magre-resign na ako. I don't know how to function without even thinking about him."

Luke just sighed and embraced me as I cried in that small office.

Hindi ko na talaga alam. Gusto kong ipaglaban pero parang ayaw niya.

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SANDRO

I was in Ilocos for the weekend.

I wanted to take my mind off things and Vinny was here so it was a good sign.

My phone was continuously beeping for the past few days.

"Aren't you gonna answer?" Vinny asked while we ate breakfast.

"No."

"Sabi ni kuya Si mag-reply ka daw sa kanya." He informed.

I shook my head.

"Maybe later."

"What's the problem Sands?" Vinny asked.

"I don't know Vinny. Maybe I'm the problem."

"Did you have a fight with your girlfriend?" He asked.

I shook my head again. "No. I asked for a cool off." I told him.

"Why?"

"I do not know Vinny."

I don't even know myself.

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