Clarity (A SANDRO MARCOS FANFICTION)

37. A

AIRI

I finally understood what Bella felt when Edward left her. The pain. The nightmares. Especially the nightmares. I had nightmares whenever I sleep, mostly about my fears on losing him completely without even trying to fight for whatever is left of us.

Like Bella said, "The pain is a reminder that he was real."

And for two years I still had that pain with me. And it sucks.

"I heard you screaming." Simon's voice interrupted me from my thoughts.

I turned around and saw him standing by the door with his pajamas on.

"Same old bad dreams." I told him. I sat up and found myself in Sandro's bedroom in their vacation house here in Baguio.

Tita Liza was pushy. I think hindi sinabi ni Sandro na hindi kami okay ng anak niya. Hindi na lang ako nagsalita. Buti na lang wala si Sandro dito at bumalik daw agad sa Ilocos kahapon.

Simon walked towards the end of the bed with his arms crossed, looking at me.

How many times have I thanked Simon for being with me kahit wala naman siyang obligasyon sa akin. I tried. I tried to use him but he was too good for me to waste a man like him. And no matter how I tried to tell him na hayaan ako, he didn't.

He was the only person who was with me when I was crying day and night. The one who helped me walk on my own up until now. Minsan nakokonsensya na ako pero kahit ipagtabuyan ko siya ay hindi siya umaalis.

"I think you both need a closure, Airi." He spoke. Simon sighed and walked by the window to open it. Baguio air quickly came in. Still, the same old Baguio scent that I remember.

I shook my head.

"I know Simon. But I don't know if I can do this or if he can do it too." I told him honestly.

Mukha ni Simon stressed pero wala na akong magagawa dun. You can advise someone but in the end, sarili nila susundin nila and not you. Been there done that.

---

"Hey." Someone called me out. I was hanging out in their patio that afternoon. Simon said he's meeting some friend. Tito Bong and Liza went to their headquarters in the city while I decided to be left alone.

It was Vinny. Vinny in flesh and blood.

My mouth gape open, clearly shocked with his presence.

"Airi, right?" He asked.

I was too stunned to speak so I nodded.

Vinny laughed. It was cute. Then walked towards me and sat on the sofa across me.

"I'm sorry. I...I wasn't expecting that." I told him after recollecting myself.

He smiled. It was way much better than looking at his pictures.

"It's okay."

"Kanina ka pa?" I asked.

"Nope. Just arrived. Hindi mo siguro narinig yung sasakyan sa driveway." He answered.

"I guess."

"You looked like you were in deep thoughts when I walked in."

"I am."

"And?" He asked, as if he was waiting for me to share.

I bit my lips.

"And now you're here." Wala na akong masabi. I never expected I would meet Vinny in this situation.

Vincent just smiled and took his time by the sofa. Wala siyang sinabi. It was as if he understood that I liked being alone.

I turned back my attention to the forest in front of us. May part kasi sa likod na patio nila dito na forest and beyond, you can see a glimpse of La Union down below.

"How are you, Airi?" He suddenly asked.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I kinda know what you are going through. I heard my older brother's last Christmas talking about you until Sandro walked out. I'm sorry if you think I was invading privacy." He apologized.

Tumawa ako. He looked apologetic. Clearly, it wasn't his intention to eavesdrop.

"I just have a lot of unanswered questions running around inside my head." I told him.

He looked at me. "Do you want to go for a drive?"

"What?"

"Let's go to Elyu." He replied as if I had no other choice but to follow.

(Elyu- La Union)

He stood up and looked at me na parang hinihintay niya ako na tumayo na din.

"Hindi pa ako naliligo." I told him.

"Just pack some clothes and we'll figure it out," He replied. "I'll wait for you in the driveway."

---

Ten minutes later we were on the road riding Vinny's Jeep.

"Do you drink?" He asked.

"Oo."

"We'll have a drink then."

Napatingin ako sa kanya. "Seryoso ka?"

He nodded. "Yeah. What did it feel like Airi. When Sandro suddenly became distant and you became dependent on him." He asked.

"Depressing." Was the only word that I said.

It was like Bella's feelings manifested into me those first few months. Nothing but pain and nightmares that not even Simon could stop. Even sleeping pills weren't enough. It was as if the only cure out there to my misery was Sandro.

"Uhuh." Sabi niya lang.

My eyes focused on the road.

"It felt like shit whenever I wanted to talk and reach out to him but he didn't answer. I had no one except Simon. It felt like shit because everything around me in that place were reminders of him. I didn't have the guts to throw them out or burn them even."

"You were waiting." Vinny noted as we passed by some gasoline station.

"Yeah. I guess I was and still am." I muttered.

"You know that's the problem with us," He glanced at me and smiled. "We wait even though we do not know if it's worth the wait. We wait because that's when we'll get answers."

"True. I wonder why we are so obsessed with answers."

He laughed. "Because it's the only thing that will give us peace of mind. The only thing that will help us sleep better at night rather than to think about those questions."

"That's the most stupid thing someone can do." I noted.

Vinny smiled. "Nah. I think it's brave. Do you listen to old music?" He asked.

"Kind of."

Vincent pressed something on his car and with that, we ended up listening to Paul Anka as we passed by the sign which says, San Juan, La Union.

Guess we'll go surfing.

---

Daylight is number 1 on Sandro Marcos tags today. Yay?