Clarity (A SANDRO MARCOS FANFICTION)

59. I

SANDRO

"Nothing grand. Pops will give her the world anyway." Vinny answered.

We were talking about mother's day gift which we can give to mom this coming Sunday. Problem is, we can't think of anything.

I nodded my head in approval. Simon did the same. Like he was right. Mom can wish for something and pops would just do all means to do it for. She is that special to him.

"Apo na lang." Simon shot back.

We both looked at him.

"You got the girl you are dating pregnant?" Vinny asked.

Simon rolled his eyes.

"No and I meant you and Airi, Vinny." He looked at our younger brother.

Vinny stared at him then laughed. "What the hell, Si."

"It's a nice gift for a change." Simon answered, shrugging his shoulders.

Vinny rolled his eyes. "I am not doing that."

I did not like the feeling of Vinny and Airi having a kid together while the kid would call me 'uncle'.

"You guys are not planning?" I asked.

He looked at me, contemplating for an answer. "No. We have not talked about having kids yet." Vinny answered.

I felt a relief but there was the word, 'Yet' which met he was gonna open it up to her sooner or later. I loathe Simon for giving him the idea.

"We can ask pops for a help." Vinny suggested after.

"I'm sure he'll give her flowers with a note saying, 'Thank you for choosing me and being the mother of our three kids'," Simon rolled his eyes at his remark. "Corny."

"Well we need to think of something. Mabilis lang ang araw. Before we know it, Mother's day na pala." Vinny said.

I couldn't think of any mother's day gift. I'm not in the mood. I was more curious of what I did when I got drunk in front of Vinny and Airi. They both acted normal but I was guessing it was their way of showing respect to my feelings but it still didn't feel right. I didn't like the situation I was in. I hated it.

The more I saw them happy together, the more I loathed myself and my past actions. If only a portal would exist where I can go back in time, I'd undo everything I did.

But yeah. I know. It's too late for that. But.

---

I found myself in front of Airi's workplace. I sighed and gave my car keys to the bellman. I didn't know if I would be able to see her but I was betting on my luck.

I was about to go inside the hotel but I saw her nearby in the designated smoking area. I walked there myself, not knowing how to approach her. I didn't know what to feel or even what to tell her. I just went there hoping to find answers to my unknown questions.

Before I could even say something, she saw me. She looked confused but as I walked closer, she gave me one of her sweetest smiles.

"What's up Sandro?" She asked.

"I thought you no longer smoke." Was the first thing I said.

Airi looked at the cigarette in her hand and laughed. "I was stressed with the client and with my team," She looked at me and winked. My heart skipped. "Please don't tell Vinny." My heart sank.

I just sighed and sat beside her.

"Got anymore?" I asked.

She laughed and took out her pack of cigarette. It looks like newly opened.

"Do you do this often?" I asked.

"Nah. Just this time. I promised myself I'd stop smoking once I got sober." She replied.

"Sober?"

"I was alcoholic and was smoking three packs a day when I was broken with you." She replied, shrugging her shoulders.

I felt guilty.

"I'm sorry." I could only say.

She smiled. "It's okay. I'm already okay."

"You have a lighter?" I asked.

"Yes."

I was half hoping it would be how we met the first time but I guess it wasn't.

"What are you doing here Sandro?" She asked after.

"I do not know, Cinnamon."

Airi chuckled. "How many more talks with me do you need to get your shit together?"

"I honestly don't know, Airi. I find myself running back to you every time I am alone and thinking of nothing else but you."

"But I'm with Vinny already."

"That's how stupid I can get despite my cum laude rank in London."

"Want is different from need, Sandro. Saying all those things about wanting me made me realize that wants and needs are two different things. You can say you want me but needing me changes everything. Maybe you just want me because you are guilty of what you did or you are hung up with our past relationship."

I let out a sigh and smoked let out another sigh. "I fucked everything up."

"Why did you do it then, Sandro?" She asked. She was calm. "What happened?"

"I do not know Airi. I was so caught up with work and life. I thought I could do it, the long distance relationship thing. There were days I wanted to just call you and talk to you but we live in different time zones. I needed you here with me but you were chasing your own dream. I couldn't just tell you to drop everything and be with me as I chase my own dream."

"You could have told me Sandro."

I shook my head. "I couldn't. I couldn't take your dream away from you."

She smiled. "If it was me years ago, I would have dropped everything and come here to be with you Sandro. To support you and be the woman beside you in every speech you make or in every town or barangay you visit. I don't really have a particular dream Sandro. But when I thought you will be someone holding a position in the future, it became my dream to be that woman beside you who supports you with your work. Parang tito Bong and tita Liza"

"Airi-"

"Shhh," She hushed me. "It's not my dream anymore but I would still be supporting you in the back just as how I travelled Ilocos with Vinny to campaign for you. I'd be there during your speech but I won't be the woman you walk across the hall or room or the stage to receive your flowers and kiss after. I'd be there when you're sick or broke but it won't be the same comfort. I'd be there but it won't ever be the same, Sandro. I know you are sorry. I am too."

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Hello! Sorry for the super late update. Busy ang working woman huhu