A Diary - Calling For You

Coercing Fate

Imagine you are having the worst time of your life, and there's nobody you can even express your feelings to. Your mind is not in place to think any good or even sympathise with yourself. The world is taking gray, and then, suddenly you get to know the person who has been there forever and ever for you. Who has been having your back at all times, loves you.

"She loves you, Asahi. Madly.

But, you know, for you they're more like a sibling. Your eyes just can't visualize them as your other half.

I could not.

I tilted my face and lowered my eyebrows. "No." I turned clockwise and continued, "No. No. No. NO!" I shouted,  holding my head in my hands. "Why would you-" My words started to get stuck in the throat. It was too much for me. "SHE HAS BEEN-" helping me get closer to you? Encouraging me to confess my love to you? I could not.

I overlapped my fingers across my head, grabbing and pulling my hair. "Couldn't my life get a little simpler?" I cried, "I can't. I can't hold this much."  My hands started to shiver. "I know, I know what you are going through right now, Asahi." Oh, no you did not.  "But you got to put yourself together. Let's get back to the hotel and we'll talk it out then." I paused to nod and we then walked without saying a word.

We could see Akira carrying Anli in a distance but we were just following him without trying to run and cover up the distance. After a while, we reached the bottom and could see Akira panting with Anli still on her back. This time I could not feel any tiredness, not because we were coming down instead of up but because my mind was way too busy for noticing the distance I was walking without a break. "Man, this is some hell of a job," He stated as we started to reach near him. "Let's get a cab back to the hotel." We waited there for a few minutes when he exclaimed. "Can you carry her for a few minutes, until the cab is here?" He had sweat drops going down his forehead to his cheeks to his chin. "Sorry, man. I can't, the cab will be here soon though, you'll finally get some relief!" I smiled, feeling bad still refusing him for it. He looked at you, in a way telling that it was too obvious why I was not willing to carry her anymore.

Soon enough, the cab was there and we headed toward the hotel. I looked through the interior rear-view mirror to see you and Akira holding hands. You guys were not saying anything unlike before, maybe because Gorou Senpai was right beside you. Or maybe because I was in the front seat.

Just when we were about to reach, Anli sat back up on the backmost seat. "Hey, am I being kidnapped?" She whispered with her eyes narrowed and hair messed up. "Yeah, you're gonna call your parents right now and hand it over to me, or you go straight up!" Akira laughed.

In a moment's time, we reached the hotel and I opened the door and walked straight in, to my room, without waiting for anybody else.

"Is he okay?" I hear Anli in a distance.

I was laying on the couch by the window with my hand on my forehead. I couldn't have anything else in my mind than Anli. The girl who had been having my back since the start, who had been keeping an eye on me for the good, the one who did everything possible for me, had been loving me.

I blink suddenly and get up to slide the window's curtain. I could see Anli along with you and Akira talking. It was probably something about me but I did not care at all. As I threw myself back onto the couch, closing my eyes, I hear the door knocking. I do not answer it but he did not care. Gorou Senpai walked in and held his hands up in confusion "Which one is it? Anli or...her?" He sighed. How did he even get to know about her? "What's with that confused look? Probably everybody knows about it except for her."

"Why are you here?" I sit up with my hands on both sides of my thighs. "Definitely not for any sympathy. Was bored so just came here without a thought, don't get any wrong ideas." I held up my hand and rotated it in confusion. "Why are you like this? Why do you not care about anything else than your impertinent self? I've always tried to get a little closer to you, but you seem to push me away every. Single. Time. I don't want to care about anyone now. But I can't help thinking about...her, or Anli, or Akira, or even you. Do you ever care about what's happening with anybody? Why can't you give a thought to anybody around you for a moment?"

"Because I gave up on them way back."

Maybe I should've too.

"I hate to say it but I wanna help you this one time. You were always that silent, studious, the how-does-he-not-wear-specs junior to me. I had barely heard any words from your mouth but this time, you are different. I can see you turning into me, and that was the reason I couldn't resist at least having a conversation with you. Listen, you can go away and forget them completely like they never existed. But at least give a thought to handing them a chance to be yours. To prove that they love you. Maybe you gave them enough chances that you don't want to even be around them. That happened with me too, and you can see the results." He hovered all over himself.

"So the only thing I can say is that you can't coerce her decisions mate, what you can try to do at most is change her life for good."

Even if it makes her hate you. If it makes the world hate you. You gotta do it for her good, if not for anyone else's. They may think you were the wrong one here, but if you are satisfied that what you did was right, it is all worth it." The world around me. It was just starting to take a sharp turn. Maybe it was the foreign air racing towards me. Maybe the tears of going away sliding down my cheeks. The Anli's laughter in my ears. Maybe your non-existent presence near me.