Siren In The Sky // Bradley Bradshaw

Chapter 6

"It's called phantom pain."

I turn my eyes towards Dr. Stevenson as she takes a seat at her desk. "What's that?" I ask. Bradley is sitting in the chair next to me when he reaches for my hand, intertwining our fingers. "Essentially it's pain that feels like it's coming from a part of the body no longer there. It happens in about 80% of amputees. Up until a few years ago it was thought to be psychological but now we know that it's caused by the spinal cord and brain." I blow out a breath. "Okay, so how do we fix it?" Bradley asks.

Dr. Stevenson purses her lips. "There really isn't a way to fix it. Over-the-counter pain relievers like tylenol or ibuprofen can help managing it when it happens." I'm confused and trying to make sense of the situation. Ok, so my brain and spine doesn't understand that I'm legless. "So, how long until it goes away? A month? A year?" I ask. I see her lips beginning to form a sympathetic smile. The sight causes panic to rush to my chest. "Most patients deal with it for the rest of their lives." 

I stare at her incredulously and my hand tightens on Bradley's. "You're telling me that I have to go through what I did this morning, randomly, for the rest of my life?" That can't be true. It can't be. I don't want to ever go through that again. How do you stop a pain that doesn't really exist? "The severity ranges. There will be times where it's minor, like a dull ache and there will be times, like this morning, where it'll be more painful." I rub my temples with my free hand. This is fucking great.

The rest of the day passes by in a blur. I spend most of it in bed, on my laptop researching phantom pain, until it's time to go to PT. I didn't say a word after we left the doctors office. It felt like there was just too much to say and nothing at the same time. I feel stressed beyond belief, on edge. Like any moment I could just become overwhelmed with a pain that I can't stop. I want to be positive. I want to try and seize the moments where I'm not in pain and I can enjoy life but I just can't get myself to. I'm too overwhelmed by my anxiety. And I just can't fucking help it. 

"Come on, Siren. You can do better than that." I grunt in response and continue the exercise. A small block is in front of me and I'm just stepping on it and back down over and over again. "You're being lazy," Hangman sings. "WIll you just shut up? You can pick on me tomorrow just not today," I snap before turning around and taking a seat on the bench near by. I glare at the floor and grab the hair at my scalp as I listen to shuffle away before returning. Hangman's footsteps stop in front of me and I look up to see a water bottle thrusted in my direction. Grabbing it, he wordlessly takes a seat next to me. 

Only after I take a sip does he speak. "What's wrong with you? I thought after walking a few steps yesterday you'd be excited to work today? Is Bradshaw treating you right? Because if he isn't I swear-" "He's treating me right, don't worry," I interrupt. My mind goes to everything Bradley has been doing for me over the past month. Then it goes to the amount of times I've lashed out at him. "Probably better than I deserve," I mutter. 

I sigh. "Do you know what phantom pain is?" He clicks his tongue and nods in understanding. "Well I didn't until I woke up in the middle of the night in excrushiating pain." I grimance at the memory. "And I went to the doctor this morning and she explained it. And now- I just- I don't know. After walking yesterday I thought that-" "That the hard part was over," he finished for me. "Not necessarily over but less hard than it was in the beginning, and I can't fix this problem. I'm so stressed waiting for it to happen again."

Hangman sighs and runs his hands through his hair. "Well the stress is completely valid but you'll eventually get over it, with time. It's something new and scary but you'll adjust and deal with it, okay? You're one of the strongest people I know, Siren. Pretty soon you'll be running circles around me again." He nudges my shoulder with his. I softly laugh and nudge his shoulder back. 

"Tell you what, forget the stupid box," He says standing up to his feet. I furrow my eyebrows. "What do you mean?" He rolls his eyes and juts out his hand. "I mean you need to blow off some steam and you aren't going to get that from steping on and off a box for an hour." I grab his hand and stand up. "So what are we going to do?" He gives me a weird look. "Hit something, obviously." 

After taping up my hands I spend the rest of the time beating the crap out of a punching bag. "Harder." I hit it again. "Give a big 'fuck you' to the world." I throw my head back and yell,"Fuck you." Hangman laughs. "Again." "FUCK YOU." Bradley rushes in the room looking worried but relaxes once he sees me and Hangman laughing. "I heard her scream 'fuck you' from down the hall and I got worried she finally decided to kill you." I laugh in response while I untape my hands. "I'm not that violent." Both men stop and look at me with their eyebrows raised in a way that says 'you're joking, right?' I roll my eyes. "Shut up," I grumble and slap the back of their heads. 

"See?!" Hangman shouts pointing. "Don't be a big baby. I hit you lightly." I defend. "If that's light than I wonder how the punching bag is feeling right now." I laugh and shove him. "I'll see you tomorrow, bagman." I tease. "Right back at you."

I use my crutches and exit the building behind Bradley. He remains quiet when he helps me in the car. Once he's seated inside and starts it up I survey him with a curious gaze. "Are you alright?" He clears his throat. "You and Hangman seem close." His voice is tight. "Is that what this is about?" I ask turning my body to face him. "Bradley, there is no reason to be jealous." He flexes his fingers on the steering wheel, his jaw ticking slightly. Bad timing but he's so hot when he's jealous. "I know you guys got close during the two years we were......apart. I won't be mad or anything because we weren't even on speaking terms let alone together. But, did anything ever..." he trails off. 

"No," I say honestly. "I won't lie, at the beginning he asked me out." Bradley's eyes snapped over to mine. "But I said no because I was still desperately in love with you, even if we weren't on speaking terms." He relaxes slightly and his lips quirk up a little at the edges before falling into a frown again. "Do you think he might still like you?" I laugh. "There's no way. Like I said that was at the very beginning. After that it was purely platonic. He's like a brother." 

He nods. "Okay, sorry. I wasn't trying to come off all possesive." We pull into the driveway. "I like it when you get possessive. It's hot." He turns toward me with a smirk and his eyebrows raised, resting his elbow on the steering wheel. "Oh really?" I bite my lip to hide my smile. "mhm." I crawl over and straddle his lap in the front seat. Running my hands down his chest I ask, "Do you remember what happened the last time you got jealous of Hangman?" My voice is low and seductive.

Two large arms encase me against the counter and a hot breath fans my neck. I pretend to be oblivious and continue washing my hands like no one is there. "You're playing a dangerous game, love." I face the angry man in front of me. "What-oh! Do you mean Hangman?" I dumbly answer. Tilting my head to the side I tease, "Is someone jealous?"

"No." Bradley grits out. His brooding does not faulter my confidence, instead it only seems to feed it. "Great! Because I was thinking of going home with him. He's so-" My words are cut off the hand wrapped around my throat and the hard kiss planted against my mouth. I smile into the kiss, knowing that this was the exact reaction I wanted. 

"You're mine." Bradley states against my lips, tightening his hold on my throat ever so slightly. "And I'm going to make sure everyone knows it."

Images of Bradley fucking me in the Hard Deck bathroom flitters through my mind. I know he's thinking of the same thing because he starts to grow hard beneath me. "No, I don't. Maybe you should remind me," his voice husky and demanding. 

And then his lips are on mine.