Fate || BENNIFER

Revelations

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Recommendation: Listen to Hopeless Romantics by James TW before reading.
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Jennifer's P.O.V 

The house felt way too big when I was alone. The kids spent a few days with Marc every now and then, and they were away for the weekend. Too much silence, and my thoughts were maddeningly loud. It had been an excruciatingly long day, with revelations and emotions I wasn't ready for.

I stood in front of the sink, looking in the mirror like waiting for an answer. The dim lighting in the bathroom had been a choice, my eyes were too swollen to put up with a bright room. As I pulled off my shirt, I felt like moving in slow motion, like every move was heavier than the previous one. Opening my hand, I let it fall on the floor, next to my bare feet. With my fingers still a little numb and erratic, I unlaced my sweatpants, letting them slip down to my ankles.

I stepped in the shower struggling to ignore the slight tremor in my legs, steadying myself on the wall with one hand. When I had the stagger under control, I stretched my arm to turn up the tap, allowing the water to flow from the shower head and fall on me like perfect rain. The glass door was closed and the warm water was running, soaking me from head to toe. The soothing cascade was enough to unleash the feelings I had been containing for hours, causing me to crumble. I tried to find comfort in the drops that blended with the tears streaming down my face, washing away the little makeup I had left.

My hands laid flat on the wall in front of me, and my head was inclined forward as I remained in tears, breathing hard, searching for the air that could fill my lungs in that moment of vulnerability. It wasn't pain what I was feeling. I was overwhelmed, surprised, shocked, trying to wrap my head around the fact that my life could change in a million ways depending on the decision I made. Those changes, I wasn't ready for. I only had two options, and both would come with consequences I wasn't ready to face. Not with him. Not after so long.

I had been waiting for the perfect moment to have a conversation with him, but such moment doesn't exist, it never comes. But at some point, life will give you no choice but to find the moment. The kids weren't home, and it was too late for the paparazzi to be stalking around, so I assumed that was the perfect moment I needed.

He didn't expect my call, and I didn't expect to call him. It was something spontaneous I had decided in the shower, and I couldn't regret my choice while he was on his way, not this time.

My heart skipped a beat when I heard the bell, and my walk to the door wasn't easy. I was nervous, and my body stiffened with every step I took. He wasn't a simple stranger I had been casually dating, he had been the love of my life, perhaps he still was. But that didn't make it any easier for me.

"Hi." He was the first to talk with a smile on his face.

His clothes were soaked. It was pouring outside, but I hadn't realized before opening the door. I wanted to offer him a blanket, dry clothes, maybe hug him.

"Hi." I replied in a low voice. "Please, come in."

I stepped aside to let him in and I closed the door. He walked to the living room and I followed him, awkwardly waiting for him to turn around. Luckily, the storm was now loud enough to conceal the sound of my heavy breathing.

"You've always had good taste decorating houses." He said looking around.

"Do you wanna sit?" I asked pointing to the couch.

"I'm good." He answered putting his hands in his pockets.

"Can I offer you a blanket? A sweatshirt?" I asked feeling guilty for the moment I had chosen to make him come over.

"Yeah... maybe I should take this off before I catch a cold." He answered pretending a shiver.

"Give me a second. I'll be right back." And that was my first smile since I had opened the door.

I walked upstairs, but I stopped midway to watch him for a second. He was distracted looking somewhere else, so he didn't realize. When I came back with an old sweatshirt I had saved, he had already pulled off his jacket and jersey.

"Here." I said handing it to him and taking the wet clothes from his hands to put them away.

"Thank you." He said once he had put it on. His expression was shyer than usual, but so was mine.

"It's the least I can do. I brought you here." I said getting us straight into an awkward silence.

"Your voice on the phone... it seemed important. And your body language tells me the reason I am here is not the usual." He said breaking the silence.

Now I felt I wasn't ready to speak. I wanted to spill it as fast as possible, and I wanted to do it slowly. I wanted to get it off my chest, but I wanted to find the right words. I wanted to tell him, but I didn't want to scare him. It was a difficult situation. Maybe he wasn't happy with his wife, but he was still legally and publicly married. That's why it felt so hard to say out loud. A different time, different circumstances... it would've been a reason to celebrate. But it was the moment... and...

"I'm pregnant."