Fate || BENNIFER

Never Meant

Jennifer's P.O.V

A good night of sleep was what I missed the most being a mom to two four year olds, five now. But if there was something I wouldn't change for the world, it was the way they woke me up in the morning. Their endless energy never let them sleep past seven, but when it was an important day, they would be wide awake even earlier. Just like all those mornings I was able to be home, they sneaked quietly into my room, walking on tiptoe to try and surprise me. But their giggles blew their strategy, allowing me to hear them before they jumped like crazy animals on my bed, laughing and screaming untiringly.

"It's our birthday!" They repeated over and over.

"Mmm... it's not." I said sitting up. That only made them laugh even more.

"Yes!" They jumped non-stop.

"Nope. I remember. Your birthday was last year."
I joked, trying to sound serious.

They stopped jumping to make sure I understood that their birthday happened every year. Their explanation was beyond adorable, trying to talk like adults with their tiny voices.

"Aw... come here." I opened my arms to bring them into my embrace.

They cuddled on my lap like two little babies, making me miss the time when I could cradle them in my arms for hours as I watched them sleep, listening to the cute sounds they made when they breathed.

"Happy birthday." I kissed their heads softly.
"Will you stop growing? Please."

Ephemeral peace. The emotional moment was way too short. They were like two earthquakes happening at the same time. But their joy was my joy, and seeing them running, jumping, and laughing like that, was all my heart could desire and more.

I planned the biggest party for them, even though they probably wouldn't remember much of it when they grew up. But I would. I couldn't imagine them growing up and not needing me anymore. My heart broke every time that thought crossed my mind. I invited friends and family, and they were having the time of their lives playing on that bouncy castle.

I leaned on the edge of the wooden picnic table, watching them from afar, being present, creating a solid memory of their first day being five years old.

"What's with the face?" Leah leaned on the edge of the table next to me. "I thought it was a birthday party, not a funeral."

"They are growing so fast.." My eyes were glued on them.

"Kids grow fast... but I think there's something else." She said crossing her arms.

"There's always something." I said in a low voice, a faint smile playing on my face.

"So, did you actually hear what Ben whispered in your ear on the red carpet?" She asked. "The world is dying to know what he said."

"He said, 'You are all grace tonight.'" I replied. "I had never heard him use the word 'grace' before."

"He surely knows how to charm a woman." She said. "You two had such an exciting adventure together." She remarked. "But also incredibly risky. Can you imagine the chaos if you had been discovered? Or even worse, what if he had gotten you pregnant?"

"That was never meant to happen to us." My voice carried a hint of sadness. "We were never meant to be."

A momentary silence allowed us to hear the sound of laughs in the distance. All thoughts faded away for a second, when all I could think of was the happiness of my children.

"Does he know you two are over?" She asked.

I glanced down at my hands, my fingers fidgeting with the hem of my jersey.

"I texted him." I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.

"A text? That's it?" Her eyebrows furrowed in disbelief. "How could such a significant conversation be reduced to a mere message on a screen?"

"Leah." I sighed. "You know my feelings for him were starting to resurface. I couldn't go through that again." I confessed. "I don't think I could've seen him one more time."

"But what if he feels the same?" She questioned.

"He's married." I replied, my voice tinged with resignation.

"Come on." She said. "You two have been having the best sex of your lives for months. He's looking for a reason to end that miserable marriage of his."

"I can't be that reason." I responded. "We didn't work then... what makes you think we could work now?"

"You're not two kids anymore." She continued. "You have both grown, changed. Maybe this time, things could be different."

"I wish it were that simple." I murmured, my voice barely audible. "But the pain we caused each other... I don't know if I can risk going through that again."

"Sometimes, the greatest risk is worth taking." She said softly. "Just remember, you deserve to be happy, Jennifer."

Our conversation was interrupted when Max ran toward us. And just in case I hadn't noticed his presence, he started pulling my pants.

"Mommy! Come play with us!" He screamed excitedly.

"Yeah mommy! Go play with them!" Leah said in a funny tone.

I took his little hand, and he led me across the garden to the spot where all the kids were playing. I had a blast with them. I even dared to jump for a while on that bouncy castle.

Time flies, and so did the day. Everyone started to leave, and the party was over shortly after dusk. It had been a crazy day for them, and they were exhausted. Now it was my favorite moment, tucking them in and bedtime story. Usually, they were already in their beds when I started reading, but as an exception, they wanted to snuggle and see the drawings in the book. Max jumped on Emme's bed, and they both laid their heads on each of my thighs.

"Once upon a time, there were three children... Wendy, John, and Michael Darling. They liked bedtime because Wendy always told them stories about Peter Pan..."