Fate || BENNIFER

It Wouldn't Be The First Time

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Recommendation: Listen to Only Love Can Hurt Like This by Paloma Faith.
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Jennifer's P.O.V

I stood in front of the window, watching the evening sky turn into a dark shade of blue. I heard the sound of the door opening, and my heart skipped a beat. I turned around to face him, and for a brief moment, my eyes met his before I quickly looked away.

He walked to me, but I took a step back. I felt a lump form in my throat as I realized how much distance there was between us now that I knew it was over. My eyes became teary, and I struggled to keep the emotions I was feeling inside.

"Is the baby okay?" His voice laced with concern.

I nodded slowly, my eyes not leaving the floor.

"Yes, the baby is fine." I replied in a quavering voice.

"What is it?" He cleared his throat.

I had been slowly coming to terms with the fact that our relationship was slowly fraying at the seams. My heart was breaking, and the thought of being touched by him one more time made me feel even sadder.

"There's something I need to tell you." He said.

He tried to reach out again, but I shook my head and took another step back. He observed the distance between us, suddenly recognizing that this time, it was more than just a physical gap.

"It's not fair." There was sadness in my voice. "The distance you're feeling right now... it is what I've been feeling for weeks." My eyes left the floor to finally look at him. "We've been trying to make this work, but it shouldn't be this hard. It should be natural, it should be easy. And it's not. Which makes me wonder if we're doing this for us, because we really love each other, or if this baby is the only reason to stay together." My words felt heavy on my chest.

"I can explain." He said stretching his arm.

"No. I've heard that before, a long time ago." I referenced our first relationship. "I'm tired of fighting for this relationship. I'm tired of trying so hard when it seems like you're not willing to put in the same effort." I could only think that he was still married to someone else. "You know how important commitment is to me, and yet you seem to be lacking the same dedication like the first time we dated."

I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing. Ben stood there, completely silent, not knowing what to say or not wanting to interrupt me.

"I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm the only one giving it my all. I deserve someone who will be just as committed and passionate as I am." I sighed. "It's not fair to either of us."

I looked down, but not wanting to think that our baby might be the only good thing to have come out of our relationship.

"I think I should go." He denied with his head, but his hands in his pockets only proved me right.

"Yeah, go!" I cried, instantly coming to the realization that I had never yelled at him before. "That's something you're really good at, leaving when things get tough, when I need you most." Tears streamed down my face. "It wouldn't be the first time."

The door clicked shut. I felt the tears sliding down my face as I stared at the vacant space where Ben had been standing seconds before. I knew it was coming, but I wasn't fully prepared for the devastating pain I was going to feel.

I had been honest, with him and with myself, it wasn't working anymore. But now, watching him walk out of the door, leaving me alone, hurt more than I could have ever imagined. It hurt more than the first time.

I walked over to the window, watching as his car pulled out of the driveway. A part of me wanted to run after him to scream how much I loved him. Instead, I made my way up the stairs, having to pause for breath more often than I wanted to. As I pushed open the door of the nursery, I felt my heart break into a million pieces.

It was a beautiful room. We had lovingly picked out every detail, the crib, the perfect rug to fit the soft yellow walls, the toys. I ran a hand along the edge of the crib and paused, tears welling up in my eyes. It was all too much. The realization that the room we had created together would now be the one I sat and watched our child grow up in alone tore at my heart.

I slowly made my way over to the rocking chair by the window and sat down, my hand resting on my belly. I rested my head back and closed my eyes, feeling the movements of the baby inside me. There was no escaping the memories of the time we had spent together, the moments we had shared in that very room. Now it all seemed like a distant dream.