Mixed Feelings

Now he knows.

***Katies POV

Once I got out of the shower I pur on my usual outfit that consisted of light blue skinny jeans, a simple t-shirt and my VANS along with my favorite necklace with star and music charm on it. I loved this necklace so much because Zayn gave it to me.

After getting dressed I put on my make-up. My make-up consisted of black eyeliner that winged out on the sides with mascara and a bit of concealer. Zayn always says I'm better off without it but him being his beautiful self wouln't understand.

Once i exited the bathroom I saw Zyn with his eyes glued to the screen of his Iphone. It seemed like he was concentrating on something so i tryed to sneak out but me being clumsy didn't let that happen.

"Hey where you going?" Zayn said apparantly now focused on me.

"Im going to my room." I lied i actually wanted to go to the park nearby. Thats where I go when i just want to forget about the world. To foregt about evrything that happened to me in the past.

"No it's okay you can stay here." Zayn said with pleading eyes. It was obvious he didn't want me to leave, I wonder why.

"No seriuosly Zayn it's okay. I dont want to bother you." I said being completely truthful. I always thought i was a bother to someone. Even my best friend.

"Pleeeeeaaaaassssseeeee?!" Zayn said extending the word 'please' like a toddler. But to be honest he was acting like one. Like when they don't get what they want and they throw a tiny tantram.

But since I didn't want him to bother me anymore i just went to sit on his bed. He just looked at me. Not saying a word. Just staring. That's when I let out an awkward cough to get out of the awkward silence.

That's when he stopped and just looked at his Iphone again. Like really Zayn? What the fuck? Thats when I started to walk out again but he grabbed my wrist trying to stop me.

"Ow!" I yelped. I forgot my wrist. It was still sore form the last time I cut. And that wasn't that long ago. Zayn just gave me a weird look like 'what's wrong?' I just snached my wrist back to my side again. Hoping that Zayn wouldn't question me. But i guess I was wrong.

"What's wrong?" asked Zayn. I just shook my head not wanting to respond. That's when I realized that my bracelets were in the bathroom. I forgot to put them back on after my shower. Wow! I cant believe i forgot something like that!

Zayn made his way toward me and everytime he would move closer I would scoot back.... until i hit the wall. Oh know! He's gonna find out!

"Katie let me see your wrist." Zayn said sternly. And me being me i gave him my other wrist trying to act dumb to what he was syaing.

"The other one Katie." Zayn then again spoke but tis time much more calm than before and that's wjen i realized he would find out sooner than later so I showed him.

Once he saw all my cuts I saw his eyes get watery. I didn't like seeing my bestfriend cry. In fact i hated myslef whenever I made someone cry.

"Why?" Zayn said. That's when i looked up. He was looking at me pleading for an answer from me but I couldn't supply him woth one. I just didn't know how to tell him.

"Please. Katie I need to know why." Zayn said

That's when I told him... everything.

"It all started whn you left for X-Factor. These girls they were mean. Really mean in fact. They would say that the only reason you left was because you had-had enough of me. That the only reason you hung around me was because you felt sorry for me. Thats when i started to believe them. That I was the reason you left. That's when they started to pick on me because of my weight. They called me 'fat' they said i was a waste of space. Again i started to beleive them to the point where I started to cut.....and starve myslef." Once i finished i was completey ballingmy eyes out. Zayn didn't say a word he just took me into his arms and hugged me.

I don't remeber much after that becuase i was staring to doze off. Crying sure does make a girl tried. But this part I did catch it was Zayn saying; " I love you Katie. Don't forget that. I always have and always will." Them he started singing 'Little Things'.

And that night i fell asleep with a real smile on my face. I dreamt of happy places for the first time in what felt like forever. And that's when it hit me. Zayn was here with me. He cared for me. He seems to be the only one too.

"I love you too Zayn..... more than ever." I said to myslef. It scared me because I knew at that moment it was tue.

"Then why do you like Harry too?" My brain scolded me. Now my mind was reeling with questions of the both of them. I didn't know who I liked anymore. But know I made a promise to myself: that I wouldnt like anyone of them.

Lets just hope i keep that promise.....

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A/N Quick shoutout to SicaJung1 for making the cover [♥]

Love y'all's !!!!