Mixed Feelings

Forgivness

I kissed Zayn.

Oh my god.

What am I doing? I’m going out with Harry. I can’t go kiss people randomly. Especially my best friend.

I quickly got out of Zayn embrace and made my way out of his door. As I walked up and down the hall I let the tears flow down my cheeks. ‘Why?’ you ask. Well because I just cheated on my boyfriend with my best friend. Not to mention that Harry and I haven’t even been a ‘couple’ for more than 2 full hours.

 I had full intentions of going to my room but somehow I made it downstairs to the kitchen. I couldn’t see things that clearly, due to the fact that I was crying, so I ran into a kitchen drawer that was let open. Oh Joy! Note the sarcasm.

When I moved my hand to push it closed I accidently move my hand too far and cut myself with one of the many knifes that was I there.

“Ow!!” I screamed. When I looked at my left arm, the arm that got cut, I saw a huge gash. I was not expecting that to be there what-so-ever. Blood started pouring out almost immediately. I’ll probably sound like a psycho for saying this but the blood fascinated me. But the cut took my mind off of things. Off of Zayn. Off of Harry. And most importantly my life.

“Steph you okay?” I heard an Irish accent ring through my ears. I guess he heard me scream.

“Umm… Yeah don’t worry.” I said while trying to hide my whimpers. I guess the numb feeling went away. It was good while it lasted I guess.

Then I saw Nialler himself appear in the kitchen with a very grumpy look on his face.

“I thought you said you would stop?” He said trying to maintain his cool.

“I am… trying. But this was an accident. Niall I swear.” I said pleadingly. He won’t believe me I could tell. No one ever believes me. Not even my own mother. That’s why I left

***Flashback Steph’s POV

“Where were you?” My mother yelled in my face not even letting me enter the house. I could tell she’s been drinking. I can smell it on her breath. She’s been a drunk ever since I was little. A.k.a when my ‘dad’ left us.

“I was w-with some o-of my frien-nds.” I reply stuttering. She’s the only one that could scare me so bad. I was the ‘bad girl’ in school. I had a ‘bad ass’ reputation.

“Bullshit! I know where you were. You were out there being a little hoe. Am I right or am I right?” She growled at me.  Now I was right in front of the door. My back pressed firmly against it. This is why I had to be a bad girl. She pushed me to it. She always thought I was out there with hundreds of guys. I don’t know why though.

“Babe… Quit screaming I’m trying to sleep.” My mom’s boyfriend said. Now I know where she got it from. He was always trying to take me out of the picture. But what my mom didn’t know was that when she wasn’t around Jack, my mom’s boyfriend would hit me. Although she wouldn’t mind it he always told me not to tell or “I’d pay.”

I was truly afraid of him. And my mom and him as a couple there’s no telling what they could do to me.

Next thing I felt was a stinging pain in cheek. My mom slapped me. She then decided that it would be good to kick me in the stomach… repeatedly. She decided to stop when she kicked me at least 10 times. Uh oh. I thought. Now it’s Jacks turn. I saw him emerge from the living room. He picked me back up to my feet and pushed me roughly into the door. He held his left hand to my left shoulder to make me stay in place. He then hit me in my stomach and face over and over again.

I just saw my mom looking over at us with the biggest smile in the world. I was hurt. So hurt I started crying.

“Why are you crying? Huh? Are you a baby now?” Jack teased. Damn I knew better than to cry. That only provoked him more. He punched me in the stomach once more until I heard a crack. Did I forget to tell you that he made me starve myself too? Well he did and. He called me fat too many times to count. I finally believed it enough to stop eating. I guess due to my mal nutrition it made me weak.

Then he just dropped me there. Left me there to die. Right there at the front door.

***Flashback Over.***

I started crying harder. Niall just wrapped me in his arms. He knew me so well. Hugs always make me smile. But right now what I need is to get away from everybody.

After they just left me to die my bad girl image died. I became weak. That’s when Valerie made my life a living hell.

“Steph it’s going to be okay.” Niall whispered in my ear.

Niall wrapped gauze over my wound after making sure it was disinfected. Man did that hurt!!

I thanked him and walked over to Harry’s door. When I opened the door I saw him asleep. He looked so much younger when he slept I found it adorable. I walked in a little more and made my way to his bed. When I shook him lightly he didn’t budge. I decided I would just climb in with him.

When I did this he said something but was muffled by his pillow.

“Huh?” I asked him.

“What are you doing here?” He asked in a really gorgy masculine voice. He sounded sexy.

“I’m here to say im sorry.” I said while locking eye contact with him.

“”No I’m sorry. I shouldn’t of have been such an ass.” He said honestly.

“Not about that… about what happened after that.” I said cautiously.

“What happened?” He asked

“Well you know how we—I took a lot of shots?” He nodded, “I might’ve gotten mad then up to Zayn’s room…. And kissed him…” I said.

“What?” He said

“I’m sorry! I was drunk! It was a mistake! I promise it wont happen again!!” I plead.

“Okay.” He said then leaned in for a hug.

I moved away and looked over my shoulder to see him pouting.

“I haven’t seen you for like 2 hours an all I get is a hug?” I asked teasingly.

“Of course not. Come here.” He said

And his lips were placed on mine. I felt like I was in heaven. Things got a little heated and I ended up on top of Harry; one knee on either side of him. He was playing with the hem of my shirt and without hesitation I broke the kiss and took of the shirt going back to his lips.

I was only wearing my black lace bra and dance shorts. So not much. It was a little unfair because, for some reason Harry had clothes on, and he was fully dressed. I decided to take of his shirt as well.

He was about to slide my shorts down when the door opened and Louis appeared.

Harry and I instantly sprang apart trying to hide what we were just doing.

“You know it’s 1 in the morning and you guys moan very loudly?”’ Louis said with a sly grin on his face.

My cheeks became heated; I was blushing. I turned to look at Harry and he was too.

“Get out Boo Bear!” Harry said teasingly.

“So what we have didn’t mean a thing to you?” Louis replied.

“Larry Stylinson!!!”” I shouted

“Just go to bed.” Louis said with a chuckle then left closing the door.

“Goodnight Steph.” Harry said.

“Goodnight.” I replied.

I got my shirt back over my head then lay down in Harry’s chest.

“You know you’re comfy to lie on?” I asked Harry.

“I am?”” Harry chuckled.

“Yup. You’re like my new pillow!!” I said excitedly  

“Haha!! Go to bed Steph. It’s late.” Harry said before kissing the top of my head.

With that I drifted off to sleep thinking about what would’ve happened if Louis didn’t stop us ;).