Mixed Feelings

How could you?

***Katie's POV

When I woke up I was freezing cold. I could've sworn I was warmer then this. Then I realized Zayn wasn't laying with me anymore. I decided I'd go look for him.

Once I exeted Zayn's room I wandered over to the kitchen to see if he was there. Nope. No where in sight.

I figured he'd be in the living room since I didn't know where else to check. When I got there I saw a note. It was on the coffee table and it was from Zayn.

"Hey Katie! I didn't want to wake you so instead I write you this note. Well anyway I had to go run some errands. The boys came with me too. Bye! --Zayn♥"

Great! Just great! note the sarcasm. Who knew when they would be back?

Since i was by myself I decided I should get out of the house and do something. I decided to go to the park. It wasn't that far away from the house so I would just walk. But since I've been asleep for I don't know hoe long I figured I needed a shower.

After I took a shower I put on my regular clothing, but with a twist. Since it was getting hot outside I figuered I would wear shorts. So I put on denim shorts with a gray tank-top , long knee-high black socks and my gray and black VANS.

Once I finised that I moved onto make-up. Eyeliner, mascara and a bit of concealer. After that I put on my jewlery. This time I didn't forget the bracelets. And I pit on my favorite necklace along with my favorite perfume it was called: 'Funny'.

I made my way down to the living room and grabbed the things I needed. I grabbed my phone, headphones, a book, and a water bottle along with my keys.

After I locked the house I made my way down the street. Finally after what felt like forever of a walk I made it to my park. Yes 'my' park. I've been coming here ever since I was young.

Once I got there I founf a bid oak tree. I sit inderneath it while listening to music. I also start reading my all-time favorite book 'A Child Called "It"'. I love this. I must've read 1,000 times but i dont care.

While reading and listening to music I started to get a flashback. I hated getting those they always brought bad memories up again.

****** Flashback********

"Hey Katie! Where's Zayn oh right he left!!" Valerie one of the 'populars' at school said to me while walking through the hall. It was the day after Zayn left. Of course it was hard for me. He was always there.

"Why can't you get it through your fat head that he left..... because of you?" She said again. I don't understand why she was bullying me. I never did anything wrong. I never bothered anyone.

"Why dont you just leave? No-one wants you here anyway!" One of the backup 'populars' said. I coulnd't really see her face though. Tears were bl;ocking my eyesight.

But i did see Valeries evil smirk plastered on her face. She saw happiness in my pain. I didn't understand why.

But instead of questioning her about it. I listened to her. I left school early that day. I ran home. Once i got to my house I opened my door slammed it shut and ran to my room. While in my room I cryee, amd cryed. I didn't want my mom to hear me if she got home so I ran to the bathroom. Thats when i saw it. A razor blade. I grabbed it off of the counter and sat dwon on the cold tile floor. It just layed there. Taunting me. I repeated everything that they said to me. Letting it sink in.

I couldn't help but think about Zayn in the process either. The last words he said to me. They made me smile. But know i was in tears. I just wanted him back. After a while of sitting in the floor I finally made my move. I took the razor and slit my right wrist. It was painful but at the same time I didn't think of the 'popluars' or Zayn leaving, I focuesd on the pain that I was doing to myself.

"Happy Birthday to me...." I thought to myslef while cleaning off my self inflicted wounds and making my way to my bedroom for some well deserved rest.

******Flashback over*******

That was the worst day of my life. I didn't notice I was crying until a tear made it's way down my cheek and onto my book. I hastily wiped off and thought that I needed to have some fun. I think I'm going to the club tonight.

Once I got home I realized Zayn still wasn't here. Oh well I'm just going to have to write him a note I guess. I made my way to my room and started going crazy trying to find something good to wear to the club. I finally decided on a strapless red dress that went to my mid thigh. The dress had a sweatheart neck line that I liked and it had one righnstone right in the middle. After putting my dress on I made my way to my shoes. After trying on loads of shoes in multiple different colors, I finally chose a pair of black pumps.

I decided that I should redo my make-up. I just touched it up a little though. Also adding red lipstick to deine my lips. I then wrote on a sticky note: "Hey Zayn decided I wanted to go out tonight. Text me if you need anything..... Katie <3" I put it on the coffee table right where he left mine. And with that I made my way to the club.

When I made my way to the bar my phone vibrated. It felt wired becuase it was in my bra. I had no pockets at the time so don't judge. Anyway when I got my phone I unlocked it and saw that I had a new text message. It was from Zayn.

Zayn:" Hey where did you go?"

Me: "At a club! Wanna come?"

Zayn: "Sure :) Which club?"

After I told him the details he said he'd be right over. I didn't know he literally meant 'right over' because as soon as I knew it Zayn was sitting right nexzt to me at the bar. We ordered a couple of shots and made our way to the dance floor.

Zayn had about 4 shots I had about 2 since he came but before that I had about 2. So I was slitly buzzed but not drunk. When Zayn and I danced we were extremely close. Closer than we should've been. I had no idea what was going on until I felt his lips on mine. It felt amazing. 10 Times better than ever thought. Not that I ever thought about kissing him. But it felt amazing. Like I was on cloud nine. When we both pulled away I glanced at Zayn. He had the biggest grin plastered on his face. I bet i looked the same. What Zayn said next shocked the living hell out of me.

"Hey Katie, I just wanted to tell you that i like you a lot. And I wondered if we could go out." Zayn said /asked hesitently. I just kissed him on the cheek and said "I'd love to." After a few moments of smiling at each other I excused myself so I cpuld go freshen up.

Once I got into the bathroom stall I mentally screamed! I couldn't believe I just kissed my bestfreind. And he asked me out!

After I gained composure again I made my way out to Zayn. But standing there wasn't just Zayn. It was Zayn and another girl making-out. My heart dropped a thousand feet into the ground I coudn't beleive it. Just then Zayn looked up and looked right up at me. There was sorrow in eyes. I could tell. But I didn't care.

I ran out of the club and made my way to the house. When i opened the door all 4 boys were sitting on the couch watching t.v. When they saw me crying my eyes out they looked shocked. They didn't know what to do and honestly neither did I. Harry was the first one to make a move and got up and hugged me.

I felt so safe in his arms. I didn' want to let go, and he didn't want to either. His grip was very tight on my lower waist but i was too distraught to care. He carried me to my room and laid down with me, after i got into pajamas. I didn't care what i looked like at the moment so i just put in a pair of gray sweats and a pink tanktop. When I laid down I snuggled closer to Harry. He moved over so that I was basically laying on top of him. My hand on his chest, which was very toned, and his arms around my lower back.

If I must be honest i really like this. And the fact that he didn't ask me any questoins to why i was crying. He just wanted to me to ccalm down. And i loved that about him.

I guess it's going to be harder to keep my promise to mslef than I thought.

"Goodnight Harry." I said

"Goodnight love." He said after kissing the top of my head.